The commentator shrieks, "She just SMOKED it!" and Rob goes, "I guess SO!"

A bunch of our dog agility friends were big winners tonight! Congratulations to all of them.


Ashley and Luka won the 16" Steeplechase, Nancy and Jim both placed in the 22".


I think Nancy beat Jim by a little bit. I doubt Jim is mad.


But holy smokes, Rob. With Wings who is only 2 1/2 years old winning the Steeplechase Finals! I was a teensy bit sad for Hobbes that he didn't make it into the finals. But he probably was having a nice nap while Wings was busy SMOKING IT out there. Super big congratulations to Rob and Wings!

Hello Mr. Ken USDAA and can I have an airplane ticket?

Aha! She did not tell us the answer to our question. Does Team Small Dog go to the USDAA Nationals?

Well, the answer is I believe today NO! Unless you are friends with Ken Mr. USDAA guy and you call him and say hey we want more Woodstock Love Fest Happiness type reporting with no actual results of the USDAA CynoNationalDockDive thingie by Team Small Dog and you should SEND HER AN AIRPLANE TICKET and she would take Otterpop and do courtroom sketches every single day and Otterpop could compete!

Photo credit to Thanks Rob Super Master of Gamblers and showed us where to stand to do our out hollering and arm pushing. Costume shows we just came straight from work.

Short of that happening, then no, we're not going. I thought it would be like Woodstock and we are all in our VW bus driving there summer of love and we make tie dyes in the mud and have a cookout and all the dogs are so happy and Gary is like, "Groovy! I feel like I am in Marfa!"

Did you totally get the grooviness vibes of the Labor Day Weekend of Agility Love? I was just oozing groovy out of every single pore. 2 reds in a row in Snooker and Groovy! Ruby you are coming back out that chute the wrong way but Groovy! That was a missed contact like you never do Otterpop in Grand Prix finals but Groovy! I am a Winner too because I won a dog bed in a raffle so Groovy!

But Ruby was the first one to chime in, "Not groovy, I would like to spend my bye on sleeping-in-crate-coupons instead and not really go and have to do actual running unless there will be sheep there or Hobbes is tied to the dirt nite fence barking at me." And off she went to go dig up a bone.

Then Gary said, "Like hell we are all going to Scottsdale Arizona. You guys go. Dog show not equals vacation." I should point out Gary spent sensitive high school years in a townhouse near Scottsdale Arizona and involves not happy memories and hitchhiking far, far away from there asap and never to return. Another story for another day. He had a lovely time at the regionals but it was half an hour from our house and he only went for one hour. Nationals not the same.

And I am like, "But I said I would wear a tucked in polo shirt and you have read what a love festival 4 days of dog shows equals, everyone feeling the love and it is so fun and I am sketching with pens and not even FREAKING OUT due to breakage of another camera, perhaps not coincidentally also manufactured by Canon and off to the camera hospital in Illinois! Um, vacationy!" This argument perhaps somewhat weak. I am in trouble for court if this is the best I can come up with.

And also is the whole sliding glass door excuse of the money. The cost of the Nationals trip equals 2 buckets of money. To miss a week of work I would throw 2 buckets of money into a toilet. Then putting in a sliding glass door and repainting due to the House Paint Fiasco equals 3 buckets of money. You take 2.5 of the gamblers seconds alloted and stand on your head and throw all the buckets of money in the toilet and that equals how many points you need.

So that is the answer. No. No Nationals for Team Small Dog this year. Unless, Hi Mr. Ken guy of USDAA, we for real offer to be the reporter and do courtroom sketches if you send us an airplane ticket and I put Otterpop in a Sherpa bag (ha HA, this would be quite a sight) and keep her from howling during cocktail service (do they still do this on airplanes? when is last time I went on airplane? I would need a cocktail with Otterpop stuffed in a sherpa bag trying to keep her from howling) and me and Otterpop stay in some motel with an internet. I would even keep actual track of who is winning and remember to write down with a pen! I would carry a little Notebook! And maybe even camera would be out of hospital by this time near Halloween?

Right, Katie does this all the time! She puts Jeep in a bag and off they go on airplane using internet in the blackberry? Off to go win things! I would not even win with Otterpop, promise all you 12" people who are starting to be jealous, wait is Mr. Ken of USDAA sending HER AN AIRPLANE TICKET? I promise always to be 6 seconds slower than you guys! Jack and Porsche will win you guys, and then some giant corgis with super long tails. And Greg Louganis dogs and other jack russells, THEN comes Otterpop. So it is no worry to you if Otterpop comes.

Although unless you are picking up the phone RIGHT NOW to beg Mr. Ken the boss of USDAA to send us our AIRPLANE TICKET, then I think you are not seeing us there this year.

And yes, maybe it moves somewhere else in another year and I will regret this my entire life, the year I could have gone to the Nationals and didn't and now it is in a more far away state such as something not actually touching California on an edge. But you know what? I could just go and get a new tattoo in that case. And maybe one day Otterpop and Gustavo both go together and Ruby can figure out what she wants to do then.

Did you want to go to USDAA Nationals?

So the premium is up for the USDAA Nationals. Which actually isn't called that. Call it the Cynosport World Games. Because that is way easier to say.

It's big, it's expensive, and it's in Arizona. Scottsdale, Arizona. The fancy part of Arizona. And I saw this over on the Elite Forces of Fuzzy Destruction, the most uber dog agility blog, about the dress code. And the camera code. Like dress nice, because it might be on tv. Don't want the USDAA to look bad. So they suggest as an example, polo shirts that are tucked into appropriate slacks and shorts. Because that always looks good. Fashion forward. And then they don't want anyone who might take good pictures who might use a professional style camera to take pictures. Because if you are going to take pictures, they should be really crappy ones. Let the pro's handle the big cameras.

I know, I know. Legal and branding. Legal and branding. Legal and branding and making their dime. Horse shows? Total dress code. Most moms can't find their kid out there in a sea of other kids in same helmet, jacket, boots and breeches. And everyone always making big dime at horse shows. Is a living. And want the photographers to pay for their right to sell photos. Which isn't how it works in the rest of dog agility but how it works here. Because this is the Big Leagues.

So are we taking a huge work vacation, packing the car with dogs, driving down to Arizona to use only my tiny snapshot camera and wear a tucked in polo shirt? Which we would have to buy. Oh wait. I have one with a giant screenprinted snake and Johnny Cash face on it. Although too short to tuck. I am SO NOT A TUCKER! But it matches a skort which they forgot to mention on dress code list but I know they think is ok. Golfers wear them and Tennis ladies. The dogs are qualified, they could be ready to go a the drop of a hat. They LOVE roadtrips. MOTEL ROOMS! Deserts!

I'm deciding next week. If the Stepford dogs are with me this weekend, then its FOR SURE no. Even if the good dogs come, here's the thing. Here's how a committed and serious dog agility lady makes decisions. A committed lady who still practiced this week and noticed how Super the dogs were and no Stepford like and fast and competitive in their respective jump heights. During practice. Always a likelihood that Stepfords could return at Any Time. Stepfords work like that. But the other decision to be made is, USDAA Nationals will cost about, almost, exactly the same as Sliding Glass Door in the bedroom wall and it's tiny little deck. A thing which, is a closer drive. Just to Home Depot. And I can actually stay home and make money instead of Losing Money for a week for sliding glass door. When you are self employed, a week of vacation is called Pay A Lot to Lose One Week of Money.

So yeah. Pay a lot of money for days of driving for specific outfit wearing and rule following and potential Stepford dogs never making it off a startline due to the whole Spectacle factor? To a vacation that husband has already vetoed as not a vacation? I'll let you know next week.

You say Madera, I say Near Fresno.

So you have been wondering, all weekend I know, how did Team Small Dog fare at the dog agility show in Madera? Was Super 8 Motel really 2 better than Motel 6? Would there be zombies, or even worse, race car noises there? And perhaps you also recalled, that Hobbes, super coolest border collie of the world, was needing only 1 little Q in Masters Standard to finish his Lifetime Achievement Platinum. Only the highest award in USDAA, only 500 Q's. And you remember that Hobbes is not my dog, I am just his stalker. His actual owner and dog Trainer, he got most of those 500. But that maybe it was going to be my job again to get that last Q, or to not. Or maybe you were just wondering about whether or not to have a momosa with your fried eggs instead of just boring old juice. And you know I brought champagne for just in case of the LAA Platinum actually occurring this time.

First of all. Madera used to be this rural country fairground, with trees and fields, and a giant car racing track next door. Now the directions to get there are drive through Los Banos where there are millions of crappy new tract houses built ready to be foreclosed on, drive to near Fresno, turn at Walmart, drive through the construction for more Walmarts and houses to foreclose, then there is a little grass and tree patch there where you can have a dog show. Our rural California ag lands are turning so wrong and make me want to cry and anguish what do we ALL NEED at Walmarts and their gazillion minions?

So. Are you wondering more about Hobbes or the small dogs? I suspected as much. OK. Here's how the 26" Masters Standard went down. It is my theory, being a bad dog trainer, that Hobbes's intelligence is so superior to mine that he sees the table when he's waiting for his turn, and decides to knock a bar before the table, does a nice down on it, and then sometimes gets run out of the ring for some chicken since he already has 5 faults and he did a nice table so give him a prize. Um, did I mention that Hobbes has this neurosis about the table? He may be perfect and I love him like a stalker should, but he has some idiosyncracies.

Rob already thinks I am nuts, so he just says, do whatever the hell will get him to go clean. Also he has been working hard on his jumping skills recently, since he is a good dog trainer and not reliant on voodoo and hair brained theories about the mind of the genius species border collie. But at this point, I have been dragging champagne around for a while and let's just get that Q. So I don't let him see the ring until it's his turn.

So he is going around and he has not hit a bar. I am like not saying a word since I am one of those calling over bar types. You know I have the only 12" dog that hits bars on a regular basis. Today included. He is getting the contacts. Everything is lovely. He gets on the table. And he does the thing. Hobbes you almost broke my heart right there, your favorite stalker, I take you on walks and let you play with rocks and cigarette butts and twigs. He just stands there staring at me. So all I can think of to do is slowly lower myself down staring into his eyes, down to my knees, using all my psychic abilities that I don't have but just trying to be all Amazing Kreskin like and levitate his standing up self into a down.


He does it. We finish. It's clean. Hooray for Hobbes and Rob on their biggest, hugest award you can get! I am proud to be a teensy part of it.


OK. So moving on. Next dog. Ruby, you were on fire. You were awesome. But you hit some bars and that cost us some Q's. And a refusal at the poles based on your personal neurosis/nemesis in Masters Standard (but thanks for an awesome table and no bars in there!). But aside from 2 bars and that pole moment, she ran better than she has in a while, and her jumpers, where of course, according to my custom, it was the LAST BAR, was just wonderful and fun and fast and I even was DEAD QUIET over every bar but you just had to throw that in there because you keep me honest and ADCh free.

My friend Otterpop. You blew me away with your FAST snookers run. And then, at the very end, in the closing 7 bit, I sent you in a contraband tunnel. But I was so proud of you and your maturity level and non paranoia! I thought, wow! She has turned over a new leaf! All our practice. And confidence building. I have become a good dog trainer! And then it was her turn for standard. And in she went, and over a bunch of stuff, doing allright, and into the poles. Where the judge happened to be standing. And Otterpop, she of poles I am actually Super Proud Of, looks at the judge harder and harder every pole until she pops out at 10, runs to the judge and barks in her face. And the judge looks at me, VERY STINK EYE, and says, "You are excused." You are thinking, oh, a starters dog. No. Otterpop is in masters. Yep.


Shamed. I was shamed. I picked her up, didn't say a word, marched her in my arms to the car and left her there. Until Jumpers, where she had a great, fast, lovely and smooth run and not a bobble or eyeball on the judge and there you go. But. I. Was. Shamed. A scarlet B pinned upon my breast for BADLY. BEHAVED. BARKER. BUTTHEAD.

Moving quickly on. Gustavo. I am very proud of us both. Me that I finally devised a way to keep you in the xpen with everyone and no more escaping ever. You that you stayed in the pen and were of course charming and well behaved every time you got to go hang out. Had I actually watched the whole DVD of Crate Games instead of drinking margaritas, this would of course not be an issue that he wants to escape whenever I run a dog. I have the Crate Games-esque Lite version of Puppy Rocket Launcher Pod I used to do with him to teach him to jump and go out to stuff, launching him to and from his crate on the agility field. But because of margaritas and short attention span of myself, he does not stay put in jail all by himself unless it involves a lid and clamps and such. Sorry dogs that you are in jail so much of the day but you kind of don't seem to mind.


And then we drove home into the wind. Oh, I had a medicore, bar hitting Steeplechase finals with Hobbes, probably won Rob enough money for a couple gallons of gas, but it's ok I guess. He has a Prius. And a LAA Platinum.

I've got some good news and some bad news.

Hello and welcome back from Turlock, February USDAA.


Do you want to hear the good news or the bad news first?


It was that kind of day.


The good news is, look at this birdhouse I bought from an old lady selling them in front of her house on one of the highways in Turlock. It's the stable. Her disabled husband who ignores you through their front picture window builds them. There are apartments for 4 birds on the other side. I love my new birdhouse.

The bad news was, a huge rain storm came in Saturday evening and I almost just bagged the whole dog show and just didn't go. Had no inkling to drive to Turlock in the rain at night and hang out in the rain all day.

The good news is, I saved a Motel 6 bill and had less of a glamorous evening than previously planned. I watched some episodes of Big Love, slept in my own bed, and drove out to the dog show at 4:30 in the morning instead. And I took a new way to get there which was faster, more scenic, and easier roads to drive.

The good news is, Otterpop finally got that elusive Advanced Gamblers Q that she's been trying to get for, um, a really long time. Because she's been in Masters for a while. In everything except Gamblers.

The bad news was, she was still paranoid about judges near her and did that whole looking over her shoulder for machetes whilst running over contact equipment with judges nearby. They just want to see you step in the yellow Otterpop. That's it. But she thinks the first time she looks away from there and just where she's going, out comes machete.

The good news was, her teeters were exempt from machete watching and the paranoia did not result in any barking attacks.

The bad news was, she ran kinda pokey in Jumpers and this made me so sad.

The good news was, she was pretty fast in Standard but had a refusal and got a 2nd in her Grand Prix with a decent but not outstanding time. She was super fast once past the dog walk and a-frame where the judge was closely watching the contacts.

The good news is, Ruby seems perky and happy to play let's attack all the couch pillows with 3 sets of small dog teeth now that we are home.

The bad news was, she had a terrible Standard and I pulled her out of Grand Prix after half a course, and the rest of the day she walked like she was 100 years old and wouldn't jump in or out of the car. I scratched all the rest of her classes and still have NO idea what is wrong with her. If it's in her mind, if she's actually sore somewhere, or it's both. And just now, she wouldn't jump out of a chair to get a treat with everyone else.

The good news is, Hobbes had a beautiful Standard run with a stunning table.

The bad news was, he knocked a bar in it and didn't get the LAST Q for his LAA Platinum, the highest thing you can get in USDAA agility. So we didn't get to drink the champagne I brought for just in case.

The good news is, I tried to see if I could just haul ass with him as fast as I could in the Steeplechase finals and not get him to knock any bars. And I am having a momosa right now.

The bad news was, he hit a bar in Steeplechase (and I just blew him by his a-frame contact) and bars with Rob in other stuff and he is sore and that is probably why he is knocking all these bars. Maybe. So he got scratched from all the rest of his runs.

The good news is, Mary and Michelle from our dirt night classes ran in their first USDAA trial and did smashing. I saw with my own bloodshot eyes. And Mary was even wearing her Team Small Dog Shirt! And it did not rain and was actually a lovely day. And it was a nice crowd and all my dog agility friends were there and no one was in a mean mood. And Gustavo got to play a lot and was perfectly happy to sit in the car. I met Ellen who has the Taj Mutthall Agility Blog. (our blogs are of a very different nature, we agreed.) There. That's a lot of good news. Even though, all in all, it was a little bit of a crappy day dog wise, I am being very glass half full. Gonna fill it up again right now with momosa. Will bring a fresh bottle to Madera for just in case.

If it's raining, it must be USDAA.

Gonna try the deluxe dog show method for Sunday and fork out that $45 to stay in luxury digs tonight. Motel 6 baby. Sometimes, ya gotta live large. It's a splurge, instead of my usual power drive out there, but we're going to Turlock and that drive makes me cranky.

I know. The glamour of it all is killing you. It always does. Right? Loading 12 muddy paws into the car, driving through cow country for a couple hours, sleeping in a motel where I am afraid to take off my socks and actually touch the floor with bare skin, then getting up early and doing the whole dog show thing in what is potentially unpleasant weather without a covered arena. Like as in, wet and cold weather that makes your skin hurt and everything feel clammy. Outside, on wet grass, next to a highway and industrial strength train tracks. Like if we're really lucky, pouring rain with winds every time a dog is supposed to go run around the course. Slipper contacts! Jumps blowing down! Scratching the dog.

I had to check on google. Does Barack Obama have a dog? Not yet. But he has promised his kids that they'll get one if he makes it into the White House. I am pretty sure it's not going to be a lab. The Clinton's maybe have labs still. But Hilary just doesn't ever do photo ops with the dogs. She is in the Clean Run demographic, but I'm just not feeling the dog agility from her. Or dogs in general. Any potential from the Obama kids? Like would they get a border collie and let it go after the frisbee on the White House lawn? They could name it Huckabee. Or Mitt. Or just stick with the basics. Cocker spaniel. Shepherd mix. Maltese?

Oh sorry. Weird segue way? I know. Nothing to do with Turlock. But we have to vote next week and things to ponder whilst driving through those cow fields this weekend.

Because I didn't write up Our Year In Review (barf)?

So, KNOW my blog is a little different than the other agility blogs I run across. This tends to happen in whatever walk of life I end up. Maybe just one beer short of everyone else's sixpack. Close but no cigar shop indian. But I was feeling sorta left out today. I tried to sign the guestbook of a very well known agility person. She is a screener of guests. No auto-guestbook feature for her. You know, just click here to say "hey." Very web 1.0. Old school, before the Friendster evolved to the Facebook evolved to the YouTube evolved to whatever is next with the bluetooth and the camera phone uploading podcasts to our robot dog chip.

But I got rejected! Not sure why. I know she visited TeamSmallDog.com and everything. My webstats can tell me these things. And decided I was not the sort of agility type who should be viewable on her Guestbook. Not naming names here, but if you are an agility super star I just want to say hey there and go on your guestbook. That is a big reaching out from yours truly, with the dicey social skills online and offline. Customer Service! Networking like the Leo horoscope said to do! Working on building that brand. Teamsmalldog.com in 2008 is Great!

In most ways, I am your basic agility lady. I give my dogs some cheese when they do it right! I clicker train! I tug! I compete in the the Masters Level of the USDAA. I go to some CPE trials. I have my own weave poles (2 sets!) and a contact trainer. I have dog crates in the car and my car smells! I have sporty pants! I take agility class and I teach agility class. I watched a Susan Garrett cd and sometimes at night stay awake pondering running contacts vs. 2on/2off. You will trip on xpens in my garage, which used to be an artist studio until filling up with things like canopies and those xpens.

I just want agility to be, you know, sort of more lovely. Like this vision in my mind where everyone is always really nice and not crazy and there are super models populating the background in cork soled wedges. Keith Richards drives up in a black jeep and starts passing out old school xerox flyers for the party at his house. The guys with the skateboard ramp out back bring everyone a nice cold Bud and their pitbull goes clean in Jumpers and a pool party is thrown later in the day at the horse ranch and someone actually invites me to carpool with them and asks in such a nice way and my dogs don't growl at anyone. Santino brings his little dog for his first trial and has sewn a stunning canopy out of hand dyed chiffons and we all admire it and he grills hotdogs and skewers of matching vegetables in jewel tones on a tiny hibachi while my artist friends talk about Miami Basel in an inclusive fashion and no one has to sit all by themselves or starts weeping in a corner. Or is shooting heroin. The vendors sell flea market items instead of embroidered breed clothing and Beck often runs his friend's border collie. The weather is nice, and if it isn't, we're in a covered arena wearing team colors. Lots of kids too, and teenagers, like how there is at a horse show but not just for the rich and powerful.

So we'll see. We keep working at it. If I make it nice and lovely for you, all you people out there not doing the dog agility, will you come?

It is sort of like a vacation, but in a bad way.

This weekend, we are going to Santa Rosa. We have to be there about 7am on Saturday morning. Which means, we get to leave my house in the dark at 4:30am on Saturday morning! And that night, we are staying at Motel 6 in Santa Rosa! This is going to be one swell weekend!

Why? Of course it's for a dog show. Why else do we venture further than Watsonville ever? Why do people give me weird looks when I tell them about these dog shows? You are giving me one right now. I see it. I see that chuckle and shake of your head and I know exactly what it means. That Laura. She is so wacky about these dog shows. Except for yours, dog agility person. You are nodding your head, thinking, yes, at least she doesn't have to drive all night and it's not in LA. Or Santa Barbara. Or Arizona. Santa Rosa? That's nuthin.

And, take THAT dog agility friend, mine is in a covered arena! So just in case it is raining, it will be dry and icey cold at my dog show. With floating dirt particles in the air and nowhere for a dog to stretch out in the sun or the grass.

This one is special, it's for Tournaments and DAM teams only. DAM team stands for dog agility masters. That would be Otterpop and Ruby, damn masters of agility. They are on teams, and if they screw up, their team members will come after me with sharp stakes and rakes and possibly kill me. Can you give my dogs a ride home if I'm dead? If we win, they possibly we will have our Team Q, which is a requirement to get the ADCh. If we got enough points. Yes, I am getting up at 4am to drive to a freezing cold covered arena for 2 days, canceling a day at work, to possibly get a requirement that helps me earn some letters!

You know how much I like to get paid to do stuff. Everyone assumes I must be getting paid to do this. Ah, I see you dog agility person, nodding your head and chuckling, that would be nice but it is a funny joke! Instead of paying so much money, someone would pay me some money. That is a funny joke to laugh at! I know, non dog agility person right now, you are scratching your head thinking, but Laura likes to get paid the money to buy things like ranches! Perhaps, just last night, she had to stay up late graphic designing something really, really stupid because someone said they would pay her some money! She has to ride those horses and teach those girls to ride 'em to get some money. But she pays money to show the dogs? What about when she won the big Steeplechase?

That's what I'm saying. Enough of that.

Indefinite Listing Privilege.

We all did just fine on our Sunday of no agility trials. There was a low tide in the morning so the dogs got to run their tails off at the beach in the morning, and Timmy was able to walk all the way there and back. I worked on fun projects like pricing tile for the potential gutting of the bathroom-ouch. I discovered that our regular phone line doesn't work. And at the end of the day we all went for a walk in Pogonip. There are so many things out there to do when you're not sitting at a dog show all day.

If I competed in the AKC, I could have been to a very close trial, right in Scotts Valley. And if I were truly a good person, I would have volunteered to work there all day Sunday. Because it was put on by the dog club I teach agility for. I didn't work because I am lazy and really wanted a day off. But why don't I compete in the AKC?

Well, for one, I don't have purebred dogs. The AKC is designed for purebreds. So, if you have a dog that sort of looks like a purebred or even is one but isn't registered, AKC, you can do what's called an ILP. This stands for Indefinite Listing Privilege. Right there, the name sort of makes me feel creepy crawly inside. I can list my dog with them and it is a Privilege because they are closer to the purebreds. If I can convince them my dogs look enough like and meet enough breed standards of an approved breed, I can have the privilege of listing. My dogs are what they are. God knows what they are. They just don't look like a breed.

And then the AKC started this thing of maybe they will start letting non purebred breeds compete against purebreds in agility but under different rules and classes and would be kept Quite Separate. That is pending right now.

I don't hate the AKC in general, they taking a good stand against the really messed up "supposedly good" spay and neuter law for California. But the agility policy just reeks of classism, even though it's just dogs. Some of us need to get the dogs out of shelters, no matter what they are. I know I am one person that will never buy a dog. I could end up with a purebred through rescue, that is absolutely possible. But I am also going to keep pulling the sorta not so adoptable ones out of crappy lives too.

USDAA and CPE and ASCA let you run any damn dog, any time you want. No breed restrictions. So I am all for supporting them. Even if it means I miss out on a bunch of trials the other kids get to go to.