The perfect hybrid, which is a little like the perfect storm but not as wet.

I figured out Gustavo's perfect thing. We all should be so lucky to have so perfect of a thing. Forest Agility.

We went to an agility party at the beautiful agility house in the forest the other day. Thanks Kathleen and Stan! We only made it for a few minutes of the actual agility part, since I had to go to actual work that day too. But we got to run around a little bit. When the jumps out on the field went down to 12", took each member of Team Small Dog out for a spin. Had been a doozy of a work day. Just wanted to run around and have some fun, and so did the dogs. They were so happy to hang out, tied to a log, for a few minutes of barking and agility.

When it was Gustavo's turn, was a little nervous. All the agility people are there with their super trained dogs, and one of my agility friends who is also an agility super star. With her 12" dog. Who always beats Otterpop. She's never seen Gustavo yet. And you never know what Gustavo is going to do, especially in a forest. I guess being publicly humbled always good for personal growth if you are happy to be growing into something that lives under a rock. I want to be fancy and make a good impression. Not shameful and not worthy. Ha, HA look out Jack! Maybe someday, we could beat you! Or maybe not!

Put him at the startline, led out a couple jumps, and he was OFF. He has this funny go kart takeoff where he rears his head back and then blasts forward. It's like someone behind him powers up his tiny little motor with a string, and lets it loose in perhaps a somewhat unsafe manner that could take someone's eye out with that thing. KABLOOEY and YER OFF!

Holy moly, he loves to run. However, we are faced with a pardox, my friends. It is agility, yet it is forest. Forest is where there is no dog training and is for running amuck. So he sees a-frames, yet he also sees forest. The good dog trainers, their dogs just see the agility. The lazy dog trainers, their dogs also see forest. So his course sort of went like jump, jump, run around towards the forest. Jump, a-frame, run around towards the forest. Jump, jump, try to get him in the weave poles but instead run around in the forest.

Everyone is watching. I am mortified beyond belief by my bad training skills displayed in front of the world team coach and other accomplished and important members of the agility community yet also totally cracking up and also almost hyperventilating from having to run so fast. I KNOW Silvia Trkman says her secret weapon is forest running with the dogs but I think my forest running just creates forest running dogs. The Goo Show just keeps going on and I'm doing some laps around the field. HOWEVER, was basically a perfect hybrid of agility and insane forest running. So I believe this adds style points. As agility goes, let's just say really super wide turns if a quick jaunt towards the treeline between jumps counts as a turn and never did get through those weave poles. As forest running goes, fine job, Gustavo and thanks for not diving into any creeks.

I dunno. Was pretty fun. What can I say. I'm easily amused. Remember that Susan Garrett question, what separates you from World Class Competitors? Yeah.

Our Consistent Handling System, Part 1.

Look who's in my computer. My agility boyfriend, Greg Derrett! He talks like Kate Moss. He probably knows her. So the only thing is, my Agility Boyfriend Greg, in the first 30 seconds of talking to me in my computer, he showed me pictures of border collies tugging with frantic border collies running circles around them and said that by the time I am seeing this, I have trained my dog to always: Play Under Any Kind of Distracting Circumstance Because It is Highly Motivated By You Regardless of His Environment. Check. Hi Gustavo, we got that?

The the border collies are running around in circles while his dog has a perfect stay, and he says I have trained my dog to have a solid wait Regardless of What is Going on Around Me. Because the border collies are running and running and his dog is just sitting there, drooling at the thought of running out to him and doing some jumps when his Kate Moss voice says, "OK!"

Then, he said that I have taught my dog directionals. And we saw his dog jump about a course with him nowhere in sight but I could hear his sweet Kate Moss voice calling out, "Close! Back! Close! Back! " to make the dog turn and jump and turn and jump and turn and jump and he is sitting in the lawn chair with margarita. Or a pint of Guiness? What do we drink in England, Bernadette? And I suspect there are no ugly Home Depot lawn chairs in England but just lovely garden furniture. So that's where he's sitting with his nice English drink. Gin and tonic maybe?

You know what my DVD is called, right? Great Dog. Shame About the Handler. This may be painful. You know what? I watched the season finale of Lost instead.

Because I didn't write up Our Year In Review (barf)?

So, KNOW my blog is a little different than the other agility blogs I run across. This tends to happen in whatever walk of life I end up. Maybe just one beer short of everyone else's sixpack. Close but no cigar shop indian. But I was feeling sorta left out today. I tried to sign the guestbook of a very well known agility person. She is a screener of guests. No auto-guestbook feature for her. You know, just click here to say "hey." Very web 1.0. Old school, before the Friendster evolved to the Facebook evolved to the YouTube evolved to whatever is next with the bluetooth and the camera phone uploading podcasts to our robot dog chip.

But I got rejected! Not sure why. I know she visited TeamSmallDog.com and everything. My webstats can tell me these things. And decided I was not the sort of agility type who should be viewable on her Guestbook. Not naming names here, but if you are an agility super star I just want to say hey there and go on your guestbook. That is a big reaching out from yours truly, with the dicey social skills online and offline. Customer Service! Networking like the Leo horoscope said to do! Working on building that brand. Teamsmalldog.com in 2008 is Great!

In most ways, I am your basic agility lady. I give my dogs some cheese when they do it right! I clicker train! I tug! I compete in the the Masters Level of the USDAA. I go to some CPE trials. I have my own weave poles (2 sets!) and a contact trainer. I have dog crates in the car and my car smells! I have sporty pants! I take agility class and I teach agility class. I watched a Susan Garrett cd and sometimes at night stay awake pondering running contacts vs. 2on/2off. You will trip on xpens in my garage, which used to be an artist studio until filling up with things like canopies and those xpens.

I just want agility to be, you know, sort of more lovely. Like this vision in my mind where everyone is always really nice and not crazy and there are super models populating the background in cork soled wedges. Keith Richards drives up in a black jeep and starts passing out old school xerox flyers for the party at his house. The guys with the skateboard ramp out back bring everyone a nice cold Bud and their pitbull goes clean in Jumpers and a pool party is thrown later in the day at the horse ranch and someone actually invites me to carpool with them and asks in such a nice way and my dogs don't growl at anyone. Santino brings his little dog for his first trial and has sewn a stunning canopy out of hand dyed chiffons and we all admire it and he grills hotdogs and skewers of matching vegetables in jewel tones on a tiny hibachi while my artist friends talk about Miami Basel in an inclusive fashion and no one has to sit all by themselves or starts weeping in a corner. Or is shooting heroin. The vendors sell flea market items instead of embroidered breed clothing and Beck often runs his friend's border collie. The weather is nice, and if it isn't, we're in a covered arena wearing team colors. Lots of kids too, and teenagers, like how there is at a horse show but not just for the rich and powerful.

So we'll see. We keep working at it. If I make it nice and lovely for you, all you people out there not doing the dog agility, will you come?

This is kind of boring unless you like dog agility.

So here's how this whole team thing works, at a team tournament. You might not want to read all this. It involves math. A lot of it. They use computers to track it all and it's sort of like magic. But come on now. If dog agility is going to be the new black, it is fun and it is cool, you are going to want to someday be on a USDAA DAM Team.

You and your dog are on a team with 2 other sets of dogs and handlers. You make up a funny name. Or in Ruby's case, because she's in performance so she can jump lower, you have just one other teammate. Some people make t-shirts with dog pictures on them. You know how I feel about those. I have some plans for future team outfits and they involve Santino and tennis skirts and no dog t-shirts.

There are 5 team classes that you have to compete in and get points based on time and faults only. But, if you go off course at all, you are eliminated and lose half your points. In classes that use points instead of faults, like snookers and gamblers, it helps to have a small fast dog because the small dogs get some extra seconds allowed to level the playing field. The rules are all a little bit tweaked from how normal classes run. The final event is worth the most points-it's a 3 dog relay race and if you go off course in there and get eliminated, you lose ALL the points from everyone on your team for that event.

I am not sure how they calculate this, but it involves excel spread sheets and an adding machine and everyone that does accounting has to run the score table for team events. And never leave. They are kept chained to the score table and fed candy. It is all about the numbers. For those less numerically inclined, then it's all about going really fast, trying to stay clean and not letting an off course happen.

Ruby got an off course in her first class of the day-Standard. Which she never does, except for when she's on a team apparently. It was just a dumb thing, she backjumped something because I got into a wrong spot for an instant and I couldn't stop it. The rest of her run was great, but it put her team low in points at the beginning. But she worked hard (pretty hard, let's not talk about the slow weave poles or the uninspired jumpers run though) and got a lot of points back in her other runs. Then, when her team mate went off course in the final relay race, any hope of moving up to just barely get the team Q was squashed. Ruby's teammate felt bad, but the pressure was off of her since Ruby had gotten the first E and we were pretty much squarely in the middle of the pack, so maybe we could have moved up and gotten the Q but maybe not.

So you not only feel real bad because you screwed up if you go off course, you also screw up someone else.

Otterpop's team was solidly in there when one of her team mates went off course in the final relay race. There's a lot of stress around that relay race-everyone is watching, secretly hoping the top teams go off course so their teams move up to win a Medal! And the team Q. And the course is purposely designed to make it very, very easy to go off course. Tricky. Her teammate just looked like she wanted to barf and crawl into a hole because she's been trying for a while to get that team Q and things always happen, and it seemed like that last elimination was putting our whole team out of the running. She went home. But we had enough points we still got it.

But I never wanted to beat her up or anything. It could just have easily been Otterpop doing something wrong out there and messing up. That's just how I saw it. Ruby, I was a little more surprised about but they are damn dogs. They do stuff like that. You have to train them better and they do less stuff like that. It's just how it goes. Here's a little motto. Train-Don't Complain. People have it on t-shirts. Usually that also feature a dog cartoon. In size XL. No matter what size the t-shirt wearer is. But if you are going to do dog agility, you sort of have to listen to that if you want to win. So we have a lot to work on.

I'm just getting rid of you today.

Timmy decided we all need to wake up at 4am today! Thanks Timmy! He has actually been having pretty good week, so if he wants us to all get up at 4am sometimes, then I just go along with it.

It was hard to go back to sleep due to the smoke filled house. Did you happen to drive by my house last night around 9pm? And you saw all the smoke pouring out of the house? And you probably saw me sitting on the porch drinking some wine, sort of deciding whether to weep, leave, or just drink some more wine. Because I forgot to clean the oven yesterday. After I forgot to read the pie recipe the day before. I have this recipe ISSUE. So I filled up most of the oven with the pie, instead of making a pie we could eat. So then when I made some dinner in the oven last night, our whole house was filled up with smoke all night! Do you see what happens when I actually cook? Thanks Take out Food!

Here. Go enjoy yourself on some other websites today.

How much do we enjoy this new agility hero? She has an ad for a seminar she is doing in Ohio next month in Clean Run and I saw this and maybe I can adopt her. http://www.silvia.trkman.net/

Read an article that features me that actually uses all my bad grammer in it. This is not glamourous, I can't believe I'm even telling you this, it's in the local dog club's newsletter and has little interviews with Rob and Dee and also me, all the agility teachers for their dog club. But it's something to read.

All right. Here's your last one. This girl seems to be a photographer who rides her vespa across the country and moved to a log cabin in Wyoming and started raising an abandoned coyote puppy. Wow! My life is so boring. http://dailycoyote.blogspot.com/

The glamour of it all.

Does this happen to you?

Any time someone EVEN THINKS there might be actual practicing happening, it is Team mayhem. Like I look at a table and MAYHEM! they are all up on the table. Any table! Even the one with the ipod plugs on it! Don't run over Timmy when you all go running for toys on the And Go! Really there is never genuine agility practicing at my house, but I guess it is the funny little pretend parts that sort of SEEM like agility. And Gustavo has his own personal weave poles (channels with wires, agility fans amongst you) in the driveway (mock me neighbors, but no stone throwing from people who hang toasters in their trees and still have the easter eggs scattered about their trash heap) and I am liable to stick his little contact board any old place for a target. Which to the rest of the Team, SEEMS enough like agility to cause mayhem of Excitement!

Non agility fans amongst you, this driveway business is sort of like the canvas priming, hard drive digging, brush cleaning, hammering and programming part of agility. Like you just have to keep doing it and repeating it when you are training the skills, before you can get to the totally RAD part of running around out there like a bat out of hell.

Like, I am not a rockstar, but I play one in my mind, and I think rockstaredness is like this. You have to practice and practice and practice and no one sees this or knows about it. Everyone sees the fun and glamorous part with the leather pants and on the stage and you're drunk and it is so FABULOUS, but most of the time it is the practicing and practicing and practicing. And making sure you practice right so you don't screw up later. Like Johnny Depp practicing to be a Keith Richards pirate. How many times did he have to apply that eyeliner and do the british mumbling to get it right?

At the art opening, no one knew about soldering the 50 gazillion LED's or the hand cramps from the tiny brushes or stabbing wounds of 10 million sharp pieces of fake Christmas tree branches. You just have the super cool outfit (ha!) and you are waving your arms about with the fame of it all. And you are probably drunk again. No one knows how many times you had to rip out ALL the stitches and start all over or the projector was crooked and you had to reprime the wall and start all over. No one knows you had to invest all the money for REAL then have the stock market Actually Crash!

Yes, the fame and the glamour of the Steeplechase Finals comes and how many of you know how many damn times we had to run through those weave poles and be so very patient and keep the wires on and stand so still for the entry and throw the frisbee and figure out why is the popping happening at pole 10 and rethink and refix. How many times on that table and making sure when the judge says And Go and the dog waits til then and is not leaping off that table so let's just use the patio table again, all of you together and sit there for a nice count of 5. And then maybe if we win big enough, Johnny Depp is there at the finish line to hand over that icy mojito. The glamour of it all.

Oh sorry. Boring dog training again.

If I had called him Hobbit, he would truly be like a mini Hobbes.

What has Gustavo been learning? Besides what fun it is to chew on pillows, glasses, buttons, pens, books and paintbrush handles? And Get the Cat. And I hate Pumpkins. And drop the bird if you catch it in your mouth.

Stay. There is a lot of stay around our house, particularly if you are a dog and you want to eat. Or get in the car. You need to know stay and you need to know your name. Because I am pretty stubborn about that one and NO ONE eats or gets in the car until EVERYONE stays. But we are working on it now, like, say you are on an agility field and you want to get over that jump or into a tunnel. Because that is way more exciting than even dog food or getting in the car. So we're working on a startline stay and using it to get us some good drive. I put him in a down probably way too much but he will stay put there and his sitting and staying is weak. So I'm trying to make sure I have him on a sit sometimes. I am a pretty lazy trainer. There are just so many dogs that when I want them all to stay put and not go anywhere, downs are easier.

Tugging with agility. He gets to play a lot. I don't know how old this dog is but he's still a puppy as far as I can tell. He gets a lot of turns when we practice, but sometimes they are very, very short with mostly just tugging. He is a tug machine. He is so little I usually just sit in the dirt with him. I have a lot of dirty pants.

Teeter. Started working on his teeter using the tables. He flips into a down at the yellow. This is Otterpop's teeter and it makes for a mighty fast small dog teeter. He likes it. It's fast. Just going the slow boat to teeter route with him because he is so little and there are too many little dogs that get scared. Even the brave Bodyguard herself, Otterpop, still has lingering teeter issues and will not do a teeter with me far away still.

Contacts. 2O2O. Trying to get a solid nose touch, he is a nose brusher, but he has the feet and head down great. He is just down at the end of the dog walk and a-frame, and on a little board, but I just bought a friend's contact trainer so he is going to learn in style, unlike my other poor dogs. The new tiny concrete driveway agility yard is taking shape. We will soon have a complete freak show equipment driveway for all the neighbors to mock.

Jumping. Easy grids, easy singles, and angles, wraps, front crosses, the tire, easy, easy easy, and starting to work a bit of a go-on as well. He is not a great fetcher, but he likes to run out for his tug thing then he is training me to run out there too and tug with him. What the hell. I need the exercise. He is not a frisbee hog like Pop, he would rather chase the other dogs that chase things. He could herd guinea pigs maybe. Or tiny miniature sheep.

Tell Gustavo he won a trip to MTV Spring Break Dance Party!

Torture cages of the Mexican Song Dog.

So this wouldn't be a good dog agility blog without a training journal vibe to it, now would it?

Wait come back non dog agility readers! Remember dog agility is the new brown!

Remember I have this pup (1 year old? 2 year old? 8 months?). Someday I have to pick an age and register him with USDAA.

Here's what he's been learning/not learning. We are so off the Jim and Nancy protocall right now it's not even funny.

We have started weave pole training day 1 in the driveway, on cement. It's a start. He's got the channels open and the gates up. He doesn't have the idea to use his normal speed for this yet, but I am going to take his dinner bowl out there today and try it and I think the need for speed will go right it.

Contact board. I think he is actually going to end up doing a running foot touch on dog walk and a-frame, but I am teaching a nose touch 2on/2off right now just because I can and it's useful to have. Not sure what teeter he will have yet, we have a lot of time for that. It's the last thing I teach and I like to use the table method which means he's got to have a real contact first. Likely he will learn a flop into down on yellow teeter. He's little.

Walk and run close near me. Works great on a leash and where there are no distractions.

Be a good boy at dog shows. Except when I am out running another dog. Then scream like a monkey when they are coming to get you. Out of the tree into the drug test lab. Make everyone glare at me when I come back from a run. Sorry. But he can walk around on a leash now even near the agilty. And be at class near the agility and do sits and downs and stuff like that.

Run free off leash. OK. He does not have a solid, smashing recall. He is so not a herding dog. I am so not a religous trainer. Boy do I miss the whole ball obsession thing. Otterpop, albeit with her issues, was so much easier to train because of the frisbee obsession. But I am letting him run loose, he runs far, I call his name and he comes back. There is a lag time though, and he doesn't always run right in to me, just to my group. He runs farther out than I would like. But he's got to be able to run loose if he goes places with us. So we're working on it. I need to go actually teach the recall in these places, this is a training hole of mine because I go to places where dogs run.

What have we learned about his learning style?

Easily distracted, mind of a flea. Very terrier! Could be doing other things like getting under the house to find the cat or looking for gophers! He has border collie looks, terrier mind. Does not have super strong "wanna kill it" prey drive though. More like a party boy, having a good time. So have to figure out what is going to make his speed drive tick during agility. Loves food! Loves food in his dinner bowl! Loves to tug when you are playing so need to teach it to him as more of a reward.

Training has to be really fun for him. He gets bored easily. Flea mind! Must make it seem like a big fun frat party with all the free beer a tiny dog could ever want. Spring break! Margaritas! Strippers! Party on Dude!

Do not infect the Blood with the Disease.

So, yesterday Gustavo came here to live. It happened to be on the same day as the Gambler's Seminar at my trainer's place in San Jose. This was a big group class in distance handling, with a bunch of fast border collies and my 2 small dogs. Who happen to have mediocre to poor distance skills, through much fault of my own. Ruby actually does get Master's Gambler's Q's, but just not lots and lots of them. I was oh so very humbled in this seminar, but not just because my dog handling really, really sucked and I was the error queen of the day.

I had to leave the class early to meet Rena, the dog rescue foster lady who has had Gustavo during his initiation to the US. And boy oh boy was I excited. This lady overheard me talking about him, and inquired as to my new dog. I said something to the effect of "another one of these (ie, those 2 little dogs who did not get a single gamble today)-little black street dogs". And I mentioned he came from Mexico. Which was apparently not the right thing to say to this particular very tall border collie running lady. A very good dog handler by the way, who I recognize from dog shows but who doesn't know me, being as I tend to fly under the radar with most agility folk, especially the big dog people.

First thing out of her mouth was that is just criminal how those people bring dogs up from Mexico, since there are so many dogs here that need homes. And while it's not untrue that so many dogs here need homes, the group that brought Gustavo up exists mainly to stop the deplorable conditions for dogs in Mexico, introducing spay and neuter clinics there, and humane euthanasia instead of the horrible electrocutions and slow death in the dog roundup pens. They just bring up a select few each time they are down there-it's not their main focus, it's just what you have to do. I am sure my car would be stuffed to the brim with dogs on the way home if I ever went to Mexico.

So then all of a sudden she just went off big time on the whole Mexican dog thing-like no kidding, yelling at me. About how these Mexican dogs are bringing horrible Diseases to US dogs, horrible tropical Diseases that I had never heard of but that she sure has. How my dogs will be affected and Diseased, then how the whole agility community will be affected, and how these people, myself included, Need to Be Stopped! I was sort of sitting there with my jaw dropping lower and lower off my face, because I have never met this lady and within 30 seconds of her hearing about this dog, the only info being it's a dog that has been a rescue and came originally from Mexico, and she is totally yelling at me. Yelling, loud, loud, loud yelling and face scrunching and getting redder and uglier by the second.

I said, weakly, how he had been quarantined, how the people are just bringing some dogs back with them, they are vets down there doing this, and she says how she runs a dog blood bank (which is true) and I am infecting dogs everywhere and introducing disease that shouldn't be here, just like happened with the greyhounds in Southern California and I better have this dog paneled and checked for (name of a lot of long tropical and scarey sounding diseases here, about 5 of them) and most blood panels won't do it and this is just wrong, people like me need to be stopped and there is legislation forming to stop this whole Mexican dog thing and do I know what kind of Disease I am bringing in and she wouldn't stop. I was just sitting there on the grass, trying to pack up my stuff, and staring at her while the other people escaped back out to the agility field. The other not so Disease worried ladies were backing away and left her there to shred me into little bits about the Mexican Disease.

One nice lady I know, who is familiar with the organization I got Gustavo from, started to say how these dogs are quarantined and she was reprimanded by the tall blood bank lady and so she sort of slunk away too. I didn't know what to do exactly. Later I thought I need to always remember to channel Miss Manners in a situation like this, and I should have thanked her so much for the Important Information on a Subject She Clearly Feels Passionate About and mention how Nice it Was to Meet her but I couldn't even get a word out at all. I did think, I should be writing down these Diseases, but I also thought, I think this very tall lady with the shorts pulled up so high and tucked in dog cartoon t-shirt just might be a little volatile and perhaps is a crazy person.

So I drove home all disturbed, but Rena was there with Gustavo, waiting in the front yard. I told her the story and she said basically, that lady doesn't know what she's talking about. These are vets who are doing this, the dogs are going to be perfectly fine. They have been through quarantine, she rattled off some of those tropical diseases and said that is just wrong. And then she dropped him off and now he is our dog, Mexican Disease or no Mexican disease.

I did email the vet that brought him back for more info on the disease issue. She sent a very detailed reply that refuted everything the Blood Lady had such big problems about. I am going to memorize it and be ready if I get assaulted again at a friendly neighborhood agility thing.

Gustavo settled in like he's lived here forever. Timmy has no problems with him and will happily lick him and wag his tail and then go back to sleep. Otterpop is acting like we have taken away her car keys, outlawed spaghetti straps and changed her curfew to 9pm. She was happy as a clam and playing with him until she figured out that he wasn't leaving any time soon, and started skulking around giving everyone the stink eye. She is a drama queen and will get over it in time. Ruby seems perfectly fine and normal, although she isn't an open book like Otterpop so I do watch her closely. She is such a lone wolf that it's going to be the triple threat dynamic of the 3 smallest team members instead of her single interactions with him that would start any sparks. Gustavo is clueless to the fact that some dogs like space or don't want to be leaped on so there will likely be a few corrections the first time I'm not there to monitor the fact that he is about to leap right on top of Otterpop's head.

Gustavo, the saga continues.

Hmm...do you think a scrawny little street dog from Mexico with big ears and a long tail wants to do agility? I think we are going to find out soon because Gary took it upon himself to call up the Gustavo dog rescue lady, arrange an appointment to meet with him, and met with him and said he was just the friendliest and cutest little dog for a scrawny and tiny little dog he'd ever seen.

Of course it helped that the dog rescue lady lives up on land bordering Gray Whale Ranch, the most beautiful land in all the land and where we both want to live but will certainly not without a winning lottery ticket. A thing on which we have been spending way too money. Lottery tickets, not land. It is a plan not working for real estate buying at the moment.

So I just need to arrange a meeting to figure out if it is going to work and have my own home evaluated by the dog rescue lady on it's suitablity for Gustavo. Hopefully she isn't worried about the dog pen I mentioned at work for the dogs. At least they get to go to a ranch and hang out all day is how I think, even if it's from a pen. They do come out of the pen to lay in the sun, eat horse hooves, attack gophers, bark at Jacinto, and sit on people's laps on the deck.

Last night I quizzed a lady that has some teensy little dogs, hers are 8lbs, Gustavo weighs 10lbs. That is one half of Timmy and 2/3 of Otterpop or Ruby. That is little-purse dog size. Hers can still tip the teeter and go around, althought they are slow. That was Gary's only hesitation, that Gustavo might not be, um, intense enough (in real life, MEAN) to do agility. He is too cute and just more like playful than obsessed with attacking the ball or owning the frisbee or chasing things. Doesn't have that competitive edge. The things that make my dogs excell at agility are personality flaws in the real world. But it might be cool to have a nice little friendly dog and see what I can do to get him to go. A new challenge! How to turn a friendly dog mean!

When I mentioned this to my agility colleagues, they were aghast that I was considering another tiny dog. They all thought I was getting a big dog. The kelpie of my dreams. Which I will, but I can't see having a high drive, intense (perhaps, MEAN) big dog in my tiny house, living in a pen all day, with nowhere to practice at home. I can just imagine the problems of evil that come in via kelpie rescue. And potentially losing our beach and field in November. Actually, not potentially-we are losing it in November, but will be figuring out other illegal options such as getting up at 5am to walk the dogs and run them on the bach. I do want a big dog, I love running Hobbes. But it's going to have to hold on a little til one of those lottery tickets wins or I don't know what.

Also because when Gary came back from the dog rescue lady's, he decided for sure he has to stay on the Western Edge of Santa Cruz, where land is at a premium fit for only millionaires. It has been about exactly ONE YEAR since the horrible outbidding of the Perfect Ranch, up the hill from the university in the perfect spot with the perfect parcel and the perfect house. One year since we almost bought the most dream of dream house/ranch potential (ok, it was just 2 giant fields on less than 3 acres but still, it was going to be a ranch for real someday) and we're still stuck here. And Gary is pretty certain there are no dairy farms in Watsonville on his horizon. So I guess all I can do is keep filling the house with the tiny dogs!

Agility Planner for my life.

We have been straying from the Super Important World of Dog Agility lately, and, as you all know and can hardly wait for, Show Season is upon us. Soon. Coming up. In a little bit.

First of all, you should know that even though I call dog shows Dog Shows, they are actually referred to as Agility Trials in the dog agility world. A Dog Show generally refers to the kind of dog show like Best in Show where there are tiny little choker chains and polyester suits worn with hose and sneakers and prancing about in a circle. And much brushing of the dogs. An agility trial is nothing like this. First of all, you wear Sporty Clothes! And there is no prancing about, just flat out running and doing highly skilled feats of danger and demolition over jumps, contacts, tunnels, and so forth. There are 18ish obastacles out there usually on a course and you are always done in less than a minute! Hopefully. Otherwise you are looking at a nasty time fault. There is much keeping in shape for dog agility!

I am not sure why it is called a trial. I think this is the case in other dog sports as well. That word sort of gives me the creeps because of LA Law and Law and Order and I think lawyer show when I hear trial. I am so used to the world of Horse Shows and a Dog Show seems very much like a horse show (you wait and wait and wait and then all of a sudden you have all these turns all at once in different rings at the same time and you are Freaking out! and sweaty and hot and dirty) that this is just what I call them. Also, in agility, you do not really need to brush your dog. Even if your dog rolled in carcass the morning you are leaving, you are not required to bathe them. I probably would though, due to the car ride to the Dog Show.

So, in other posts in other months you have learned about the USDAA and the CPE and the ASCA and AKC and all the venues. So you understand that now. This is what we are gearing up and practicing for and marking our calendars. Because I have a binder and I have organization when it comes to Dog Agility, I can easily find this on a post it.

August 5-USDAA in Camarillo. Maybe. If it can combine with going to visit my parents. A long drive. Must figure out in 2 days because entries will close!

August 25/26-USDAA in Prunedale aka Prunetucky. This can even be 2 days, if I only enter in the morning for Saturday and can go to work in the afternoon. Because it is put on by my dog club and Prunetucky is right around the corner from Watsonville!

Sept 1/2/3-USDAA in San Jose. We can go to this one Sunday and Monday. It is a Regional! Big, huge giant event with dogs from all over trying to get last minute Q's to go to the Nationals. Lots of stressed out freaking out at the one. Big Steeplechase.

Sept 16-USDAA in Turlock. Maybe go to this. I hate Turlock. It is the central valley. It is hot and right by trains and Ruby, who also talks to witches in her spare time, freaks out at train noise and is getting worse in her old age of almost 7. These ones are always done like at 8pm at night and I just do not love the Turlock.

Sept 23-USDAA in Woodland. This is sort of far, almost 2.5 hours. It is near UCDavis. I would rather drive there than Turlock though. I am programmed to drive to UCDavis in my sleep from grad school days.

Oct 7-we have a choice here! Look at all that USDAA we have been doing. We can go again, to Dixon, also known as the spot where Otterpop first freaked out at a dog show and doesn't like it there and Ruby always seems to come up lame partway thru Sunday, or take a break and go to a fun, partially indoors CPE in covered arena which makes the dogs go Super Fast, at WAG in Elkgrove. Yes, the place is named WAG. These dog agility people bought an old cow ranch just for the sake of Dog Agility!

Nov 23-25 Thanksgiving Weekend, and if we so choose, a CPE in Elkgrove.

This would mark the end of our season until I think March or maybe February. Now you know where we will be every weekend! That's not so bad. I need to check and see if there is anything else to enter in October because this is a good time for dog agility, that sucks that there are 2 good shows on the same weekend. I have to research what happened there.

Golf cart driving bourgeoisie.

Yesterday, the dogs spent a good part of the morning riding around in a golf cart. You have to hang on to small dogs in a golf cart because it is very bouncy, when bouncing across dirt paths on horse show grounds.

In terms of a dog's life, my dogs have it pretty good. They get up early. Take a stroll, many days on the shore. Where a variety of snacks await, from seaweed chunks to seal carcass. Yesterday they did a spot of agility in the sun, with a nice little breeze out, and got to eat cheese. I even gave Ruby a nice piece of rotten cheese, when she was super fast. She likes the rotten kind better than fresh. Then they got to go to a horse show before work.

Most of my students are at a horse show nearby this week. The way that we work it, my partner takes customers off to shows and I stay at home with the riders that don't go and the horses that still need riding. Horse shows are almost never close--they are down in Pebble Beach and up in Woodside and sometimes Sacramento and sometimes down in LA. This week we went to a smallish one just 2 miles down the road from the barn. And since just about every single kid that rides with me is now good enough to show, I sent all my customers away for the week. So I went out to the horse show too before going back to finish lessons and rides at work.

It's kind of hard to explain how a rated Hunter Jumper show works, let's just say it's not that dissimilar to a dog show except that it lasts for 4 or 5 days always and kind of everything on a more stressful and bigger deal. It has the same hurry up and wait kind vibe all day, where you wait and wait and wait and then Hurry Up at a moment's notice. One difference is that you do not go in the ring without your trainer schooling you and watching the course. And the rings have to hold and wait for you. And when you have kids of all levels showing in 3 rings at the same time and some parents that are used to the whole hurry up and wait concept and some that are totally Freaking Out the whole time, it's a little stressful to be the trainer at the horse show.

So that's where the golf cart comes in. And the phone. There is a lot of top secret radio transmission from me at one ring to the trainer or mom at another and then one of us jumping in a golf cart and driving very quickly down dirt paths to the next ring. And back again. And then off to get the pony measured or off to the office or back to the barn. Lots of little equestrian themed dogs in golf carts. And back to the jumper ring then back to the far schooling ring and back to the short stirrup ring again.

My dogs just fall right into the horse show pace, even though, honestly, I am hardly ever at them anymore. They just are the kind of dogs that feel right at home at the side of the ring, or sitting under some trees eating horse poop. They like to sit under slobbering horses and let the slobber fall on them. This amuses kids to no end. They let kids drag them around on their leashes and hang out in the sod back at the tackroom setup. Get little snacks from the back gate guy. And, unlike at the dog show, that's all they have to do. Never compete! I think my dogs are inherently lazy and like being waited on and driven around more to waiting their turn at a dog show. What a life. I think now they want me to move to a golf course.

Ask a stupid question.

Just in case you are wondering, Gustavo has not moved in. His photo has moved to our kitchen counter, with his name beautifully hand inscribed on it, to remind my nice husband that he is exactly what I Want For My Birthday. Gustavo! Gary never knows what to get me, so here I have it, the one thing that would make the Best Present Ever, just sitting on the counter. His reaction was pretty poor when I explained to him how important it was that I take in Gustavo. I'll just leave it at that.

Last night we had Wed. Nite Agility. My running was slow. But my handling was better, at least with Hobbes, the big and perfect border collie who only does things wrong if I cause it. Last night actually he did a couple things wrong not caused by me! That was exciting. He gets overexcited on contacts occassionally with his owner, and did the same thing with me. I found that flattering in a wrong way. But I ran him better than I think I ever have. I told his owner that, and he said, "you always run him just fine."

I said, "I have moments. Occassional moments."

He just looked at me with that look I get so often, the Laura Lunatic (this is the name Gary has been using since the Gustavo conversation) which I guess meant that maybe I don't run him so bad. He did drop one bar last night. Which was very much caused by my late turn.

Ruby didn't drop any! I ran her and Pop a little less since I was running Hobbes, which isn't great since they are the dogs that really need to practice, but I am hoping my handling skills sharpen up from running the big dog. I find I still ask a lot of what may be stupid questions out there on the course, questions I am thinking an agility instructor should always be able to answer. But at least I am asking and trying to learn.

Both the questions concerned position on a leadout, in case you are dying to know what kind of question could possibly be stupid. The first answer was find the front cross line and get somewhere on that, not in the bonehead place out in the dog's path I was considering. The other question was just run with the dog, send it into that tunnel so you are in place to get the front cross you are going to need at the 4th obstacle. Duh! I have to look at these things a lot sharper.

Someone asked me what I perceived to be a very stupid question in her riding lesson the other evening, and my answer to her may have been less than generous. I have to remember the kinds of questions I still ask my agility trainer next time she asks me a question like that and be a little bit less bitchy in my tone. Some of us are just slow, even looking at the most obvious thing out there on a course. The Tone can be an evil thing.

Clutter and Gambling, together at last.

There's Magnolia. She's a deer fortune telling booth that is dry docked in my garage. We used to call the garage the Studio, connoting an artist used it for working in, then during the Former Artist period it became coverted to a garage. Now it holds things like the bikes. The house paint. The tools. Magnolia. The horrificly heavy, antique wood couch that didn't fit in the front door from my parents when they were selling their house. I just felt like putting that picture in, since I have been on mess patrol and run around my house at night throwing stuff away into brown paper bags.

I just signed the dogs up for a Gambler's Seminar with Jim Basic. He is my favorite agility teacher, he is Power Paws, along with his wife Nancy Gyes. I am so lucky to have him just 45 minutes away in San Jose. He is one of the top guys teaching agility anywhere. Both he and his wife are big high muckety mucks of championship winning at everything. It's next Sunday, all day, and will likely be hot and full of people with fast border collies who are already good at gamblers.

We are not talking poker game or how to better pull the slot arm in reno.

Gamblers is an agility event or "game". The object is to go around a course, taking whatever obstacles you want, as fast as you can in a short time period-usually 25 seconds or 30 seconds. Each obstacle has a point value, and you want a lot of points, so you make up your course accordingly. This is usually fast and furious with some oddball courses designed to max out the points. At the end of the time period, a whistle blows or there is a buzz from the electric timer and you have to complete a fixed sequence of about 4-5 obstacles from a distance. There's a line of tape on the ground you cannot pass. The trick is that dogs like to have you somewhat near them to do a sequence and you have to either sort of trick your dog to think you are right there, or have such a perfectly trained dog it easily handles sequences at a distance.

I fall into the somewhat tricking your dog category, although we are both working on the perfectly trained part.

Ruby actually has an accumulation of Masters Gamblers Q's now. I never thought we would get it but somehow we did. We miss sometimes. Otterpop still runs in Advanced, and needs to Q out to move up to Masters. We have a hard time getting the Q's because a lot of the time Gamblers is only held on Saturday and we hardly ever show on Saturday, so when we do run it we really need to get it!

Master's means you are working from like 30' away. It seems far. There are some that, when I walk the course, make me feel like the biggest loser knowing Ruby will never get it. And then she does. And there are some that, when I walk the course, I think, oh yeah. We have this one. We have practice it a million times. Then I make some kind of error like turning away too quick or moving my hand, and in that flash of a second, I pull her off the thing and that's it. No Q.

Otterpop doesn't even like to be an inch a way from me running on anything at show, but if she's in a fast mood and flying, she will. So her gamblers Q's have been dependant on how she is running that day. If it's a slow day, forget it. I need a bit of strategy for her, making up a course of obstacles and moves that don't make her nervous so that she's fast and speedy when the whistle blows and I can send her off away from me and she doesn't feel Sad and Abandoned. Poor Otterpop. Agility is a game of moods for her.

All about the sweatpants.

That sound you hear is my joints and bones squeaking and making slow painful cracking noises. I am not sure why other than I am very old? After a day of leaping onto horses, it is hard to move. I tried to run the dogs. Between my creaking and Ruby's creaking, which I am thinking might be attributed to a night of shivering and shoving herself under furniture, we could barely get around. Otterpop was fast though. Too bad I couldn't keep up with her. Then I sort of creaked around work in the dirt, then I tried to creak through yoga. My yoga teacher is constantly appalled at the state I come in there in.

So my new idea is to get healthier, lose some weight, start running and doing some exersizing every day! This is not really a new idea. I have it all the time. But I don't get around to it because I am so busy on the computer, taking Timmy for slow, leisurely Timmy paced walks, cutting out pictures, and falling asleep during Deadwood dvd's on our couch. But at the rate I am going, I am not going to be able to Win anything at any Big Dog Shows. Which start again at the end of August. If I am slow, so are my dogs. Not to mention the importance of looking hot in modified skinny jeans. Right now it's all about sweatpants.

This Sunday there is a fun match, which is a practice dog show. I forgot to send in an entry, which makes it prohibitively expensive, since it's in Hot Hollister, and I only wanted to do a couple of runs since it goes somewhat against my rule of don't make the dogs run in the heat that makes them miserable. So I may be missing it. It's also put on by my dog club, of which I am a member and frequently do not help out enough with. Making me a bad dog citizen of the community.

Maybe I will stay home and watch Deadwood some more. Like Al says, (Swearengen, not Gore II from jail), "I appreciate a bit of heft on you but would it kill you to lose a few fucking pounds". Thanks Al! That's the best personal trainer I could ever have. While reclining on the couch.

Speedy kleenex furry ball.

Yesterday, on the way out to running the dogs before work, I stopped off at at a property on Kliewer Lane. It's a paved country road off of Green Valley, right by my barn and at Dee's agility field. It is 12 acres with a "mobile home that needs some work". The property is awesome-all wood, crossed fence farmland with a huge arena now filled with cattle, grape orchard, olive tree orchard, fruit tree orchard and a pond. And actually, 2 mobile homes. One is like a home. One is like maybe filled with cats? And a burned up shed. I would live there in a second though. There's a big eucalyptus grove, and across the street is a giant strawberry farm for pesticide enjoyment. Although the methyl bromide is a gas and supposedly it always stays under the tarps. It could be a yarnpire except only legally 2 houses-1 new house, 1 1200sf unit and could probably get away with one of the mobile homes. So who gets the big house, the small house and who gets the mobile home? Also it is well outside of Gary's commuter zone. But so close to my barn!

I have weird street names issues, I still am not sure if we were actually really supposed to live here because of ths steet name. Walk. Not bad, but not good. Kliewer though. Like sewer but for klingons? Kind of like saying cleaver but you cannot speak because your mouth is gagged? It isn't a good name. So bad things could happen there. With all due respect. If that happens to be your name.

The field I run the dogs at is just a crow's fly stone's throw behind the eucalyptus grove from the 12 acres. It was hot even in the morning, but the dogs were good. I continued my science experiment of what makes OtterPop run fast. I had a little furry ball with me and no frisbee. And sure enough. If I played with her and got her all tugging and riled up, then put the ball down and ran with her, she cantered. Nicely. Not super slow but not fast. If I took that little furry ball with me, and carried it while she ran, nothing else different, she flew. Like a demon possessed by the need for speed. I am thinking I teach her a piece of kleenex is a fun toy and I could run with that in my pocket? Seems like cheating though. No treats, toys or training tools allowed in the ring. When is kleenex just a kleenex and when is it a tool?

Ruby doens't care. You show her a treat, tell her that's for after she goes fast, she is fast. Ruby lives for treats. She'll run for anyone that shows her a little piece of cheese. Unless she's sore. She has been pretty good, but at the end of our session, my legs were tired and she started knocking a few bars. Since both of our birthdays are coming up in a month, I chalk it up to we are both becoming sore and decrepit. I have lots of pain killers now though.

Don't blink.

I think I'm getting better at running Hobbes. He belongs to my agility instructor. He is a big, fast border collie that has bundles of Lifetime Achievement Gold Points, always winning the Grand Prix, and is like driving a monster truck that has cruise control and ferrari speed. I've been running him for a few months, trying to learn to be a better handler. Last night I actually completed a few runs without errors, which is saying a lot for me. I usually mange to sneak as many errors as possible into a run. Maybe not always enough to knock a bar or go off course but always enough that I know it was an error, and not how I planned it. There aren't any do-overs in agility, but when I'm running his dog, my instructor lets me repeat the thing I managed to screw up til I get it right. I go by third times a charm usually. That may be why I am not a super champion of agility in dog shows. Because at the dog trial, there are definitely no do-overs. Unless the timer messes up and you have done a perfect clean and fast run. And then they ask you to do a do-over. Which has happened to me on more than one occassion due to my weird force field around me that messes up timers.

My dogs have to share when I run the other dog. I get 2 turns each for 3 dogs. So they get a little ripped off. They sit like a set of gargoyles at agility, in the dirt, tied to a fence, with Otterpop's slouching posture and Ruby's sitting up, and all you see sometimes are their big bat ear outlines. They just don't look like the other agility dogs. They sure enjoy sitting with border collies though. Some border collies obsess on them like they are little glowing hypno mutants for their staring enjoyment. Dogs that don't blink are a little weird. I am pretty sure I do not need a border collie, but they are fun to borrow.

Hygenic tile, hygenic dogs.

I'll get to agility at the end of this. Sometimes we just veer a little slightly off track. But this was the kind of day it was. Featured here backwards, in order of reversal.

We didn't have to go to the emergency vet! I got Otterpop immobilized and poured a swallow of olive oil down her nose. And she started sneezing violently, and out popped a foxtail. This was after rushing home from halfway through a walk because someone stuck her nose into a foxtail, breathed deep, and sneezed convulsively all the way home until I could get to the oil in hopes of not having to go to the emergency vet for anaesthesia and scoping and yanking it out of her tiny nose.

This was while I was on the pain pills.

Just after Contractor Brian leaving me with the $25,000 bid to gut my bathroom. That would be the $622 per square foot bathroom. When he showed up to deliver the bid, I was on the phone with my dentist.

Who had just called to apologize and make sure I was OK and had gotten home.

Because earlier in the afternoon they drilled out a giant hole in my the space that used to have a front tooth to put the bionic rod in. Apparently this never hurts. It hurt like hell a bunch of times and I would mutter, HURT HURT with my cotton stuffed mutter gob until he would stop and give me more shots. More shots. Susie, assistant to the dentist kept telling me to breathe. They didn't mean for it to hurt but it was terrible. I almost passed out at one point. I had to sit in the chair a long time after it was done because I wasn't sure I could walk. Finally I told myself just cowboy up and get over it. That's how I made it home to the pain killers without passing out. Because a real cowboy surely isn't going to let a little mini mouth bone jackhammer ruin his day.

That was just after I finally surrendered to the vintage tile gods and realized I cannot do the stunning bathroom tile of my dreams and we will have plain and hygenic Deadwood style tile in the manner of the first indoor plumbing ever in Deadwood. No fancy glass color here. White and hygenic like a dental office.

And speaking of hygenic. The AKC took a poll on whether or not mixed breeds dogs shall be allowed to compete in the AKC against purely bred dogs. The AKC has determined that they shall be allowed to compete However, so as not to allow the unwashed mixed breeds to contaminate the more purely bred ones, they shall compete in seperate and slighly less equal classes. And not at any National competitions, local ones only. What a bunch of assholes.

Opposite of meth people but just as bad.

That house from Sunlit Lane is back on the market! This was the one we thought about buying back in September 2006-I think there are some posts in this blog from then. It had the neighbor mayhem going on because of the horses and the no permits and we basically ran screaming from it. It's back on the market at $150,000 less-only $649,000, which is exactly our price range! Except that we have already run screaming from it once and don't need to do it again. Frantic and determined neighbors that speak of horses with this sort of meth addled look in their eye (except they are the opposite of meth people, they are baby owners, hemp wearers, volvo drivers) and the Flies, the Dirt, the Smells are not good neighbors. And they were everywhere. They surrounded us the second time we went out to that property. Like literally, we drove away in our own Volvo (ok, Gary's) fast.

There are no longer horses on it. It was an adorable spot-not exactly a ranch. Only 2.4 acres, with a 1 bedroom house. Small! But the house, (ok, unpermitted cabin with nice decks) was perfect and the property layout (ok, flattish 2 acres of poorly graded eroding dirt), with exception of proximity of the crystal wearing stockbrokers or whatever they were, made it frightening. You could walk right out to Fall Creek Park and trail ride amongst steep redwoody trails though. Likely full of serial killers. And, from my current barn, would be about an hour and 15 minute commute in good traffic. Let's say hour and a half plus in bad. I think that one was the rebound property from the Perfect Ranch of July 2006 in which the cocksuckers outbid us by the $200,000.

Um. Why don't we just move out of Santa Cruz? Would be hard to do in such a perfect June.

Ran the dogs yesterday morning in Watsonville. The other half of my life. Half beach, half ranch. Love having the agility field right there near the barn. Dogs were actually fantastic- fast and perfect contacts. Speedy weave poles. Only one dropped bar. Did a scientific experiment with Otterpop. Have been not taking her frisbee anywhere, it is a Special thing to Play with at Agility, hence making agility always fast because Frisbee is there? Yep. Super incredibly fast if it is in my pocket. Even trying to sneakily hide it as if it is still in the pocket or leaving it sitting with Ruby for convenient retrieval at the end of a course is not good enough. If I have that stupid, dirty piece of orange cloth, Otterpop is a speed demon. Frisbee anywhere else, she runs faithfully and cleanly around the course but not fast enough to Win. She is like an addict. I can't believe so many brain cells in my head have to think about dog frisbees. With an ugly cartoon squirrel drawn on it. Like, this is something Al Swearengen would never, ever approve of. Ever.

The slow timing is worse than the Fast timing.

Ok. We are back to agility. Last night we had agility in the polymer coated dressage mud. Mud filled frisbees for dogs. Mud coated clothing by the end of the night. I wear work boots to run in instead of sneakers. I had a great time with my dogs, and ran Hobbes, the big fast perfect border collie machine. I am learning how to have non sucking timing with him. He wins everything and is super high in Lifetime Achievement Gold points. So I know, if I drop a bar with him or send him off course, I have clearly made the huge error myself, because he is the closest thing to a robot agility dog there is. We did ok. We could have done better. I did let someone else run Ruby, which was cool to watch. She isn't a robot dog yet, but she sure went around fast and did exactly what the handler I loaned her to asked for. Which most of the time was correct. If you give Ruby a piece of cheese at the end, she'll do most anything.

I had one student complain about my class last night. Happens sometimes. Apparently my teaching style makes her dog not a perfect agility dog. I like to teach short drills to work on specific handling moves. We chain them together at the end of class usually. She is, um, an inexperienced handler, and her dog is nervous about everything. Which is a tough combo. But she is nearly ready to kill me because she thinks it's my teaching that makes her dog that way. Anyways. They are kind of held captive in these classes because there aren't tons of agility trainers around. So I'll work with it. I think where I could be more flexible is realizing not everyone in class is going out there to become a polished and capable competitor. Some people just want to run around with their dogs. I feel it is my duty to prepare them for competition, which is what I do with riders. I can't teach shoddy skills, I have a perfection complex. But that doesn't work for everyone. In riding, they can find a new trainer that lets them ride poorly or put troll dolls in the horse's mane or with their thumbs turned down or whatever it is that my somewhat facist personality disallows. In agility, they are a little stuck without driving an hour farther.

Hey there is no contractor here and it's almost 8am! What a luxury and we have not even started ripping things up yet. We haven't even taken out the loan yet. Yesterday Jan the tile lady was here at 7:30 to tell me how expensive the tiling would be and by just making it not as cool and beautiful as I want, I can save lots of money. Thousands of dollars really. So I will have less cool tile but save thousands of dollars.

Also the porta potty research went poorly. Who knew. Here's the thing. It has to go in our front grass. Yes, if we want a porta potty, we have to take apart our front fence, and put it right in the front yard. Not only does this just Suck, theoretically, but the first permit inspector to take a leisurely drive down our street will see the porta potty, know something is up, go snooping around, and give us a big fat red tag for not pulling the super expensive and bullshit permits. So I am now researching the Neat idea of making my garage into a camping bathroom and the Even Neater idea of hauling the non theoretical but very real shit to an RV place on a regular basis. This is going to be such a Fun Adventure!

Indefinite Listing Privilege.

We all did just fine on our Sunday of no agility trials. There was a low tide in the morning so the dogs got to run their tails off at the beach in the morning, and Timmy was able to walk all the way there and back. I worked on fun projects like pricing tile for the potential gutting of the bathroom-ouch. I discovered that our regular phone line doesn't work. And at the end of the day we all went for a walk in Pogonip. There are so many things out there to do when you're not sitting at a dog show all day.

If I competed in the AKC, I could have been to a very close trial, right in Scotts Valley. And if I were truly a good person, I would have volunteered to work there all day Sunday. Because it was put on by the dog club I teach agility for. I didn't work because I am lazy and really wanted a day off. But why don't I compete in the AKC?

Well, for one, I don't have purebred dogs. The AKC is designed for purebreds. So, if you have a dog that sort of looks like a purebred or even is one but isn't registered, AKC, you can do what's called an ILP. This stands for Indefinite Listing Privilege. Right there, the name sort of makes me feel creepy crawly inside. I can list my dog with them and it is a Privilege because they are closer to the purebreds. If I can convince them my dogs look enough like and meet enough breed standards of an approved breed, I can have the privilege of listing. My dogs are what they are. God knows what they are. They just don't look like a breed.

And then the AKC started this thing of maybe they will start letting non purebred breeds compete against purebreds in agility but under different rules and classes and would be kept Quite Separate. That is pending right now.

I don't hate the AKC in general, they taking a good stand against the really messed up "supposedly good" spay and neuter law for California. But the agility policy just reeks of classism, even though it's just dogs. Some of us need to get the dogs out of shelters, no matter what they are. I know I am one person that will never buy a dog. I could end up with a purebred through rescue, that is absolutely possible. But I am also going to keep pulling the sorta not so adoptable ones out of crappy lives too.

USDAA and CPE and ASCA let you run any damn dog, any time you want. No breed restrictions. So I am all for supporting them. Even if it means I miss out on a bunch of trials the other kids get to go to.

You didn't see Anything.

Deadwood is the best thing that has ever been on TV. It is the winner over My So Called Life. I Love Lucy. Project Runway.and Big Love. And since we do not have HBO, the next best thing is that Gary brought home the first DVD of the 3rd Season. So I can have Deadwood, Deadwood, Deadwood, all the time. The marathon began last night, after the loud half hour of fireworks blocking booming stereo music which worked, you are welcome Ruby.

Just one reason I love Deadwood. Al Swearengen says, "In life you have to do a lot of things you don't fucking want to do. Many times, that's what the fuck life is... one vile fucking task after another." I am not even a quoter, but I love Deadwood writing more than any writing in the world. Everyone says things like this. You have to watch every episode twice to hear exactly what they all say because every word is so perfect.

I love the mud and the sets and the lighting and Charlie Utter and Calamity Jane and Doc and Trixie and Joanie Stubb's hat. I love that Richardson is a wizened toothless deer antler worshiping bitch to EB Farnum. Last year's ranch buying exploits, that still have me cursing Exactly Like Al Swearengen included an actual Deadwood house on the ranch. That just made the kick in the ass of not getting it that much more stinging and swollen.

There are no dogs on Deadwood. Frequent horses. And horse related deaths, ie the tragic death of the son of the brother of Seth Bullock. It's not for everyone, I actually know people who do not even like Deadwood.

In a weekend with no dog agility, thank god for Deadwood.

Greg Derrett hand, Susan Garrett skort.

I drove up Mt. Madonna road, not to the cabin, since that would be more of a weekend day long journey, but to the property just up the road, $834,900 for the 5 acres and a modular. It is a fairly nice modular, and the property is awesome, up on the hill. But let's be realistic. That is a big amount of money for what is still just a very fancy mobile home on 5 acres of fields. And this one is way far out of Gary's driving range, although it is 3 minutes from my barn. Would be a great horse property with just adding a mere additional $250,000 in improvements to it like fencing, grading, arena and barn. What a deal.

I am fat and the dogs are hyper and untrained andgetting fat, too. Otterpop was already leaping around the house from furniture to furniture at top speed at 7am this morning. It's like having a little wind up bat leaping around as background noise while you drink coffee. And literally my pants do not fit. If it's not one thing with me, it's another. I am pretty sure that complaining is not positive thinking and will not get me into my size 6 pants and will not get the dogs winning their divisions and will not buy me a ranch but my back hurts! So back or no back we will run a little while on the beach this morning.

Another agility-less weekend. They are having a Greg Derrett seminar at Power Paws, but it was too pricey for me and likely will be too hot. While just attending that wouldn't get me winning without practicing, I would have likely learned better skills and more cool things to teach the agility students. But there are just too many bills piling up in other places, just the audit fee was $75.

Greg Derrett is the British god of front crossing agility. He makes videos with his perfect border collies and marriend a beautiful American agility competitor who is also named Laura. Bringing up the outside hand/shoulder as a mini RFP to indicate taking the inside, not outside obstacle, is known (at least by me) as Greg Derrett hand. I probably use closest to his handling style than anything else because he is very popular in the Bay Area and the teachers around here all subscribe to him, as well as Susan Garrett, who is Canadian and not related but also a big huge deal and they are good friends, Derrett and Garret.

I did take a Susan Garrett seminar and I actually learned a lot, more about general training of dogs than anything exactly agility related. I also learned I am a very different type of person than her and am very ok with that. I also learned if I had skinnier legs I want to wear a little tennis outfit for agility. I also always wanted Ruby to place higher than her dog, DeCaff in the 16" and we never did, and now Ruby is a 12" dog and we won't have a chance again til DeCaff moves down to 12" someday if she gets old and decrepid like Ruby did. I think I even wrote that down as a goal at one point. Kick DeCaff's ass in Grand Prix.

Chainsaw in the yurt.

I would certainly like to live in this cabin. It's in our price range, theoretically, at $740,000. It is on Mt. Madonna road, which is out near my work. Except the part of the road it is on is sort of unmapped, way up over the mountains, looking down a the other side. Hence this photo of the house, in winter.

The directions to get there are sort of unexplainable, and lead me to believe it is a long, challenging jeep road up through the mountains, likely about an hour plus drive from Santa Cruz. I have been up this road once, on an excursion to see "how long it would take to take the back way" home, having no idea there was a whole other universe up there, that is officially, in Santa Cruz. There were waterfalls and yurts tucked into canyons and unpaved sections and thank god we had a map is all I can say. It is the wilderness known as Santa Cruz Mountains and some people actually enjoy living up there. It's a little militia for my tastes, veering more towards huskies on chains secured to large trees and trucks with multiple gas cans bungeed in the back and multiple gun racks in the back window. Too many chainsaws per capita up there.

Normally, at this time, on a Thursday, I would be driving out to practice with the dogs in the morning before work. The unexplained back stabbing pains of yesterday made me think that perhaps this is not a good thing to do today. So we are having another week of no agility, no running, no contacts, no practicing. For an agility blog, this is pretty weak right now. Such is the way my agility life ends up.

The dogs did practice being well behaved and not evil to Tom the roof guy who came over at 8:00 this morning to look at the roof issue that makes most contactors run screaming. That is not getting us any Steeplechase placements though. Tom, being a roofer, has seen it all and remained calm and took photos and will call me in a few days with what will likely be the very expensive estimate. Also to his credit, he likes dogs too and they did not keep barking at him. Timmy likes all contractor guys, so that is not an issue. Ruby hates them until she comes out, sees they are not coming to chainsaw us to bits and rob the house of all the rotting taxidermy and is fine. Otterpop pretty much does what I command her to because she is under my power so if she doesn't take Ruby's lead, she is fine. Tom the roof guy even said she is cute, which is something Otterpop doesn't hear a lot.

OtterPop with Timmy, before her new collar. She is disturbed. Timmy is zen.

OtterPop with Ruby after new collar. Well behaved, like little ponies.