Still teaching weave poles-a primer.

So Gustavo, I may have mentioned ONCE OR TWICE like four thousand times, has been really hard to teach weave poles to. In context, Ruby, my first agility dog, learned with a treat and some white pvc sorta poles stuck in a patch of grass in my yard with me never having taught a dog to drunkenly weave back and forth through a set of poles, and learned to have pretty darn fast weave poles somehow. Thanks for being a super genius Ruby! Have no idea how I taught her but you can guess it wasn't pretty. Her weave poles have slowed down a bunch over the last couple years with her aches and pains and phobias, but they're solid. If she ever misses a pole these days, is because I have done something so crackhead and bizarre that she is freakazoid and near meltdown state. In technical terms.

Otterpop learned super fast weave poles in like 3 weeks. Because that's how long I borrowed my friend's weave channel weaves for. And let me tell you, it is very motivating to teach weave poles fast when you know you have to give them back and you are SO SICK of lugging these giant metal nailbreaking finger pinchers in and out of the car and setting them up at the park where people are like TOTALLY STARING AT YOU FREAK WITH DOG PROPS or it's the elementary  school down the street so you go at like 6:30 in the MORNING FREEZING COLD o'clock so small children don't shame you with their stares, setting them up and involves giant leg bruises and not fitting in car and a lot of cursing. Good thing school hasn't started-sorry kids! Somehow it happened in those 3 weeks and gladly returned the poles. That dog will do anything for a frisbee. She may have other problems, but evil super genius, indeed. And now, you can send her into weaves from wherever you want. Super funny party trick in my driveway.

Schematic Diagramatic Channel Methodical

Gustavo. I bought you your own super fancy, powder coated set of channel weaves. Decided you were one year old and could learn weaves, and off we went. Used wires. Used cages. Methodically, carefully, using all my knowledge from all my agility careful reading of books and videos and classes and teaching others to run through poles. Whole MAGAZINE ISSUES devoted to teaching weaves. We studied. We make notes. I made hot dogs. OK, we did not make notes. But I did sing Buck Owens songs here and there.

And it went great. Wow what fast poles as I methodically and slowly closed the channels down in careful, tiny increments. Agility Jargon Alert! Do you get this fact, my non agility friends? Open channels=looks like a straight line with nothing to bump into for the dog. Fast! Closing channels means not so straight line anymore of dog running, in fact many poles a dog could bump into and learns to weave through them because now poles are the straight line.

Until the poles went straight. That last teensy bit, equaled, not weave poles anymore. Hi and Goodbye and Adios. Yes, these newly 100% straight poles were better for going around or through and out or something not the perfect, super fast poles of my dreams.

And we may have taken a practicing break. Or two. Or three. Don't tell Jim. With the super champion puppy. Due to actual practicing and perhaps champion being doesn't hurt.


But guess what we have this week?

This demonstrates yet another area we have limited talents.

I know. You could go on youtube and search on all these dog training videos and learn how to teach your dog weave poles. Or you buy the dvd. Or you come here and you can find out a really crappy way to teach your dog to weave. YES, It is Dog Training Video Wednesday with Team Small Dog! Where you come to see how NOT to train your dog!

He started out with so much promise. Taught the poles in the driveway, and built them into a sequence. Remember? I'm all, "HI! Watch my squirrel weave like a pro! and I am the Talented Dog Trainer!"

Then somewhere along the line, decided he needs to start learning them straight-er, not even STRAIGHT, I tell you. And started closing them in. Um, like you are supposed to do with the channel weaves. Like I taught Otterpop in like 3 weeks. Like my dog agility students all do like pros.

And my dog, he is like, "Huh? No hablo. Porque you soy squirrel y tu never practice enough con mi."

Totalamente no hablo nada. When it has to do with poles in a straight line.

And now look at what a mess I've made. I've got cages up on straight poles and the offset ones a little open and everything is slow and he throws himself through the straight poles like a tiny little falafel sandwich with no hot sauce. And the falafel balls are falling this way and that. All greasy and on your shirt. Tahini dripping off the sides. And I'm wearing those fat pants from the Gap. And I still have no letter "b" and I am just so sick of copying and pasting and not having the Option or Little Apple key. I mean we are just a wreck here, people.

And this I provide for your viewing enjoyment. I know. You don't even need to tell me. Your border collie learned to weave in 5 minutes. Forwards and backwards and you wear a cape for good times when no one is looking. You just keep having your fun and I'll just sit here with the falafel grease going everywhere and we'll see where we end up.

Cooking With the Team-Smoothie and Meatballs

We've been busy around here and maybe not practicing as much as we'd like. So today I'm going to teach you how to make a delicious, healthy delicacy that is perfect for a nice snack before you do some agility.


You get the smoothie, and the dogs get the meatballs. I get them Mini Party Meatballs from Trader Joe's. Very, very popular with all dogs and fit perfectly into blue ikeaware.


First you need some strawberries. I like to buy them from the lady that sells them sometimes on the corner near my house. I buy a lot. Usually about $10 for a giant box. I like strawberries.


You get to use the blender for this! Is like the power tools of cooking! If you are lucky, your refrigerator makes ice and does NOT shoot it out the ice hole without stopping until you plug it up with a plastic bowl. Pour some ice in the blender.


Add some yogurt. I enjoy vanilla. Put in enough to feed a large cat.


I don't know what I'm doing here. Measuring yogurt for cats?


Here you go. A great tip is-PUT THE LID ON TOP OF THE BLENDER BEFORE YOU TURN IT ON! Just trust me why.


Add some juice. You can use any kind. I used to do graphic design for this kind of juice so I use that because I still like their packaging. It is scarey to add the juice if the blender is still on!


Here is where the fun starts. Peel a banana and throw that baby in while it's blending!


And your strawberries! It is like basketball with a dangerous motor trying to fling stuff around your kitchen! Almost a contact sport!


Mmmmm. It should be pink. And frosty goodness.


Don't forget to wash the blender because Gary gets really, really mad when there is smoothie everywhere. You are ahead of the game if you remembered the whole lid thing on and didn't throw your strawberries in from too far away.


Here's why we like smoothies. Look at that ass. Makes Otterpop look petite and spry. She's going for a meatball.


Ruby going for her meatball. She usually grabs the ikeaware and weaves back through with it in her mouth. I have to confiscate her ikeawares sometimes. Her poles are looking just like they used to, so we are very excited to see if this holds through things like Steeplechase and if Snooker has poles for 7's this weekend. Because we still don't have ANY Super Q's.


Then ya gotta run in and play for a little while. There's Ruby and Otterpop attacking the weird fox stole thing I found hanging in a tree one day.


Gustavo has just been rockin' his poles all the time. The meatballs make him pretty frantic though and can actually cause pole popping to get faster to the ikeaware so I have been staying with him in the poles. They are almost set straight now, just a teensy ways to go. Want all that popping to go away before I close the channels all the way.


There's Gustavo and Otterpop attacking the fox thing. We do meatballs, then tugging. Do you ever notice how Otterpop seems to creep into an awful lot of pictures? Enjoy your recipe!

Cookin' with the Team-A weave pole cooking primer

OK. We haven't had a cooking show in a while. Today we're going to slice up some raw hot dogs!


Did you know I don't even really eat meat? Haven't had a cow or a pig or a fowl since high school. I do like my sushi and anything I shoot myself. And I HAVE been thinking about becoming a cattle rancher in Marfa. But for dog training, I am busting out the meat. I got some hot dogs made out of joyful and grateful chickens that apparently threw themselves right into the grinder at the moment before their natural death from healthy old age on their luxury chicken farm in Petaluma.


Ya slice 'em up real small if you have real small dogs. Gustavo is today's chicken eater, and he is my smallest dog. He will jump 12" and he weighs in at a puny, yet still teeter tipping, 12 lbs.


I put 'em in a teensy tupperware that you can get at Ikea. A whole set of a million for like $5.


Don't forget to put the rest away so no one gets salmonella or is tempted to attack the counter or so you can get a snack.

Allright. Here's the thing. You know what a bad dog trainer I am. I fall asleep during the dog training DVD's. I may not always use approved methods. My biography does not start out, "Laura Hartwick was a top notch obedience competitor for 20 years." I think it starts out, "Laura Hartwick's favorite shoes since kindergarten are navy blue slip-on Vans." So I kind of screwed up on all my dogs on getting them to do everything for tugging.

They all like to play. Otterpop is primarily all about the frisbee, although she definitely enjoys her treats. Ruby will tug but what really gets her fired up is a chunk of chicken inside her little thing she tugs on. Gustavo, he will tug and go crazy before and after training, but what he really, really likes for the top dog reward are some chopped up hot dogs in a tupperware.


I know. Some day, I will be fired from dog agility. I am sorry Susan Garrett. This is why I'm not on any world teams and you are. I know you are not REALLY a witch, we just all have our things we are better at. I bet I draw horses way better than you do. And that's ok.


But see, his weave poles have gotten super way faster and more accurate since I started using dead chicken chunks in Ikeaware as a target out at the end of the poles.


I have the wires off, and the channels open about an inch and a half or so.

I can send him to the poles and he drives all the way through on his own, or with me on either side. So I'm already letting him find his own entries and rear crossing his poles. I can also just stand there and then when he's through, run down to meet him at the target. Let him snarf some dog chunks. Next step, doing this with poles at the practice field! If the thunderbolts of the Tugging Not Food Commandment don't strike me down first.

There is a delay somewhere.

You know when you get sick, and you just don't see things the same way? I'm sick. It makes me see things real slow, I drive slow, it took forever to take the dogs for a walk, and riding one horse was like the most exhausting thing I've ever done. Oh, yeah. Super fun day at work. Like I can't even think of anything funny to write about it, are you still reading even? Sorry. Brain has been removed for a couple days. The choice between Obama and Hilary was overwhelming to it.

So I also moved my weave poles onto an angle across my driveway instead of being straight down the side, where they've been the whole time I've been teaching Gustavo to run through the poles. Which he's been doing like a true Mexican song dog-getting the entrances, steady and straight down with the channels open about 1.5". We were doing entrances from a lot of different spots.

So he can't do the poles anymore. Like never learned them. Entrances? Go down through the middle of the poles? Just not seeing them the same way. Looks different. A whole new thing. Hello? Who let me be the one in charge of training the dogs?

A good trainer would have put them back on the straight line, and see if they still work. Then move them to a shallower angle. Maybe opened the channels back up or put some wires on. A lazy and bad trainer would just go inside and dream of Top Chef coming over to make dinner and possibly wash all the dog towels that for some reason have multiplied all over the floor even though it's not even raining anymore.

If it's Sunday, it must be Test Day.

Today was going to be class day for the whole team. But it rained, so our lesson with Jim is off. But someone else still has to go to school.

Gustavo is going to be tested to see if he can become a Certified Therapy Dog.

He has to go to San Jose and take some tests and I don't know what else, and if he passes, I guess he's certified by this group called Furry Friends (and I am pretty sure these are not fetish people that put on giant furry animal costumes and do things not approved by baby Jesus, the Furry name frightens me) and we can start visiting old folks homes on the third Sunday of the month. When there's no agility trial that Sunday. With the whole thing of, you know, work, it's hard to go on a lot of the visit dates they offer. But third Sundays of the month, we can do that. Some of the time.

I'm not sure what he has to do to pass exactly.

I think it's sort of modeled in a Canine Good Citizen test, which has a lot of being well behaved walking and sitting and staying and letting others touch you, basic friendly and well behaved dog quiz. He's good at stuff like that. Pretty sure it doesn't include running like a demon for hours at a time at fast speed, which is the other thing he excels at. And tunnels. And chewing on glasses and address books. I am really sure it doesn't include that. I think I probably shouldn't tell them about that one.

Wish us luck!


He's been working on his training skilz too. Which by the way, is going smashingly, thanks for asking. We're making it easy and repeating lessons a lot and he gets it that way. He learns slowly but he learns it well. The weave poles are fast with rocking entrances with the channel still open. He has a great nose touch on a contact trainer or stairs or pretty much anywhere you throw a target out. Even though I'm not dead certain if he's going to be running or 2o/2o but we're starting with this. We're doing very little jumping or anything-especially since it rains like every 5 minutes so we haven't been going to our practice field. He's learning to run close to me, on each side. He's learning a couple cute tricks, rolling and commando raid crawl. They might sound like little things but they're important foundation things and take time, especially for Gustavo.

I'm making his training So Easy so he builds the Confidence of Kim Deal, which is a skill the other small dogs lack. They're more like her sister that once I ran into in a liquor store and I think she was trying to buy heroin. That was a long time ago. I hope you are better now Kelly Deal! We're trying to make agility like a thing that he thinks is So Easy and So Cool so he is So Confident as it starts to get harder. Like it is not like doing taxes or walking through a graveyard at night full of zombies. I'm not letting it get harder yet. He's in no hurry. It's weird to have a dog that learns so differently than my other dogs, but I can tell he's getting things now. Maybe he's just on island time.

Right now though, his agility is secondary to just having a cool little friendly dog that might be able to help some old people have an ok day when maybe the rest of their day maybe wasn't so hot.

Dreams of momosas and valet parking.

Yeah. I am practicing his weave poles wearing clogs and the layered look but not in a good way. It was that kind of day.

If this is Sunday, then I already left the house. At like 5am. To go to Elkgrove, California, for an exciting CPE trial in a covered horse arena in the middle of cow pastures near a prison. You were still asleep when I went through Stockton. Probably you were still asleep when I went creeping down their long dirt road into the facility, found a parking spot, jumped out of the car, walked a course, woke up a dog, did a run, woke up the other dog, did a run, and then probably kept repeating this all day until it was time to turn around and drive home the 2ish hours. Maybe more coming home because it's the same freeway everyone who goes snowboarding in Tahoe uses and we all like to leave at the same time to drive home. We plan it that way. Are you awake right now on Sunday morning? If you slept in, I bet we ran Standard and Fullhouse already. Do you feel tired for me? I don't even love CPE but I love the covered arena and we just need to go start our dog show season again somewhere so this is it.

Do you think we just leap in the car and go? Sort of. When that alarm goes off at 4:45, I am perfectly trained to leap out of bed and make coffee and grab dogs and brush teeth. I am fast as greased up pigs running from the bacon man. Because I have to drive through San Jose, head out east over Altamont Pass of Windmills Hells Angels Killed someone at a Rolling Stones Concert there during hippies, up 1-5 through Stockton and head east again towards prisons and cows. But we get really packed and set up the night before. What do you need to do to go to a dog show? A low maintenance, one day, not even taking a canopy because I am mean and just keeping my dogs likely in the car most of the time, minimalist dog show?

Pack up: xpen, shady cloth, frisbee, folding chair, folding crate. That'll contain those little monsters all day. Throw 'em in the car. Find the cooler. Clean clothes! Do not forget to wash some clothes you would like to be wearing all day at a dog show. I have very few at the moment I can actually squeeze into due to the previously alluded to Sees Candy fiascos at Christmas time. They are all in the wash right now. It might be hella cold up there in Elkgrove so I'm wearing jeans and many shirts (layered look!) and many jackets. I threw a bunch in the car already. It is important to get the clothes ready and leave them in the bathroom including your socks. Just trust me on that. Some people might have lucky socks or underwear. I don't have any lucky clothes. I just don't want to look like a frumpy old ranch lady is my goal. Did you hear that Tim Gunn?

Find some food. No food in the house. Go to the store. Main item we MUST have-some hot dogs! For the dogs as an award for going fast! Or in Otterpop's case, not having a paranoia barking attack in the ring. A hot dog to look forward to. Like I would look forward to pizza and ho ho cake. Which I do not bring because that's just too complicated. I take some apples and bananas and I'll make a sandwich the night before and some nice drinks and a bag of chips and I have my coffee stuff set out on the counter. There is usually not so good food at dog shows, so it is useful to pack your own healthy lunch is what I like to do.

The coffee thing is really key here. I am not legally allowed to drive if I have not had enough coffee. It even says so on my drivers license. So Elkgrove=2 Large Travel mugs full. This is after consuming one large cup as FAST AS I CAN whilst frantically grabbing items for leaving such as actual dog agility dogs before I am allowed to start the car. Do not start car and drive until ONE FULL CUP of coffee is drank is just a good rule of thumb if it is dark and you need to remember which freeway to take is a good rule of thumb to follow. Just trust me on that. Yes and all that coffee might make you have to go to the bathroom and then you have to deal with that when all you want to do is drive 80mph and listen to the ipod which now works in the CAR! Maybe it is possible to hold it. Is that too much information? You wanted to know about underwear the other day so I am just trying offer Detailed and Useful Information to you here.

Is the glamour of my lifestyle killing you here? Like you cannot STAND the glamour? Maybe you are getting ready to head out to Sunday brunch in West Hollywood with a somewhat washed up pop and country singing star at the place you always see people on tv and how little and teensy they are in real life eating a leaf for brucnh. Well good for you. I will dream of your momosa and you can wish you were me out there with a damn speedy and hot dog awarding clean run.

Fond Christmas fondness.

I can be pretty scroogey around Christmas time, the whole shopping blitz thing gets to me and makes me crazy and retreat back into the cultural consumption turning into garbage endless loop mind frenzy and unequal distribution of the weatlth and bummer, man. But all The Secret and not complaining, let's look on the half full margarita glass side and find the ho ho ho part of the holidays.

Skinny Santa was waving at cars from the front of a realty building on a busy street the other night. He was tall and thin Santa, and I guess advertising a realty, and maybe it's because I don't get out much, but I just don't think I've seen many Santa's doing stuff like this. At least he wasn't doing a jig holding a giant spinning arrow directing us to view model condos.

Christmas music 24/7. If you want to hear Christmas music, you can hear Christmas music! I personally love Christmas music at all times. It lives in my ipod and I have no problems listening to Christmas music along with Johnny Cash or the Vaselines any time of year. Viva la White Christmas in the Safeway, thanks Bing Crosby!

A vacation! I am taking off 3 whole days of work and going to visit my family in Los Angeles. I love my family and they love dogs and I love Los Angeles and hardly ever get to go anywhere except for places 2 hours away that are having a dog agility trial that I can drive to on Sunday mornings at 5am. Santa Rosa last weekend for 2 whole days was HUGE. So we are having a nice road trip with 4 dogs for a few days of fun! Even blind as bat Timmy will have fun on vacation!

Adopt a Family. The barn did this. We adopted a family and got them a Christmas. It's a little drop in a big bucket, but at least one family on bad times will get some stuff they need, and all wrapped up and hopefully have an ok day when I am thinking a lot of their days are not very ok.

Somehow got to squeeze in some dog training to all this. Besides running the Goose thru the channel weaves on our way down to the car. Remember when I was all optimistic, getting the Christmas lights up? The decorations out? I was going to even take you some photos. Um. Didn't even get them out of the garage. Not a one. We have not one Christmas decor item up to show. No tree. Nothing. Ho Ho Ho. Now I gotta get to Target before I get to work. Just repeat after me. Ho Ho Ho. Santa, spin that sign, baby.

The glamour of it all.

Does this happen to you?

Any time someone EVEN THINKS there might be actual practicing happening, it is Team mayhem. Like I look at a table and MAYHEM! they are all up on the table. Any table! Even the one with the ipod plugs on it! Don't run over Timmy when you all go running for toys on the And Go! Really there is never genuine agility practicing at my house, but I guess it is the funny little pretend parts that sort of SEEM like agility. And Gustavo has his own personal weave poles (channels with wires, agility fans amongst you) in the driveway (mock me neighbors, but no stone throwing from people who hang toasters in their trees and still have the easter eggs scattered about their trash heap) and I am liable to stick his little contact board any old place for a target. Which to the rest of the Team, SEEMS enough like agility to cause mayhem of Excitement!

Non agility fans amongst you, this driveway business is sort of like the canvas priming, hard drive digging, brush cleaning, hammering and programming part of agility. Like you just have to keep doing it and repeating it when you are training the skills, before you can get to the totally RAD part of running around out there like a bat out of hell.

Like, I am not a rockstar, but I play one in my mind, and I think rockstaredness is like this. You have to practice and practice and practice and no one sees this or knows about it. Everyone sees the fun and glamorous part with the leather pants and on the stage and you're drunk and it is so FABULOUS, but most of the time it is the practicing and practicing and practicing. And making sure you practice right so you don't screw up later. Like Johnny Depp practicing to be a Keith Richards pirate. How many times did he have to apply that eyeliner and do the british mumbling to get it right?

At the art opening, no one knew about soldering the 50 gazillion LED's or the hand cramps from the tiny brushes or stabbing wounds of 10 million sharp pieces of fake Christmas tree branches. You just have the super cool outfit (ha!) and you are waving your arms about with the fame of it all. And you are probably drunk again. No one knows how many times you had to rip out ALL the stitches and start all over or the projector was crooked and you had to reprime the wall and start all over. No one knows you had to invest all the money for REAL then have the stock market Actually Crash!

Yes, the fame and the glamour of the Steeplechase Finals comes and how many of you know how many damn times we had to run through those weave poles and be so very patient and keep the wires on and stand so still for the entry and throw the frisbee and figure out why is the popping happening at pole 10 and rethink and refix. How many times on that table and making sure when the judge says And Go and the dog waits til then and is not leaping off that table so let's just use the patio table again, all of you together and sit there for a nice count of 5. And then maybe if we win big enough, Johnny Depp is there at the finish line to hand over that icy mojito. The glamour of it all.

Tell Gustavo he won a trip to MTV Spring Break Dance Party!

Torture cages of the Mexican Song Dog.

So this wouldn't be a good dog agility blog without a training journal vibe to it, now would it?

Wait come back non dog agility readers! Remember dog agility is the new brown!

Remember I have this pup (1 year old? 2 year old? 8 months?). Someday I have to pick an age and register him with USDAA.

Here's what he's been learning/not learning. We are so off the Jim and Nancy protocall right now it's not even funny.

We have started weave pole training day 1 in the driveway, on cement. It's a start. He's got the channels open and the gates up. He doesn't have the idea to use his normal speed for this yet, but I am going to take his dinner bowl out there today and try it and I think the need for speed will go right it.

Contact board. I think he is actually going to end up doing a running foot touch on dog walk and a-frame, but I am teaching a nose touch 2on/2off right now just because I can and it's useful to have. Not sure what teeter he will have yet, we have a lot of time for that. It's the last thing I teach and I like to use the table method which means he's got to have a real contact first. Likely he will learn a flop into down on yellow teeter. He's little.

Walk and run close near me. Works great on a leash and where there are no distractions.

Be a good boy at dog shows. Except when I am out running another dog. Then scream like a monkey when they are coming to get you. Out of the tree into the drug test lab. Make everyone glare at me when I come back from a run. Sorry. But he can walk around on a leash now even near the agilty. And be at class near the agility and do sits and downs and stuff like that.

Run free off leash. OK. He does not have a solid, smashing recall. He is so not a herding dog. I am so not a religous trainer. Boy do I miss the whole ball obsession thing. Otterpop, albeit with her issues, was so much easier to train because of the frisbee obsession. But I am letting him run loose, he runs far, I call his name and he comes back. There is a lag time though, and he doesn't always run right in to me, just to my group. He runs farther out than I would like. But he's got to be able to run loose if he goes places with us. So we're working on it. I need to go actually teach the recall in these places, this is a training hole of mine because I go to places where dogs run.

What have we learned about his learning style?

Easily distracted, mind of a flea. Very terrier! Could be doing other things like getting under the house to find the cat or looking for gophers! He has border collie looks, terrier mind. Does not have super strong "wanna kill it" prey drive though. More like a party boy, having a good time. So have to figure out what is going to make his speed drive tick during agility. Loves food! Loves food in his dinner bowl! Loves to tug when you are playing so need to teach it to him as more of a reward.

Training has to be really fun for him. He gets bored easily. Flea mind! Must make it seem like a big fun frat party with all the free beer a tiny dog could ever want. Spring break! Margaritas! Strippers! Party on Dude!