In this episode, we had a nice dog show over the weekend.

So yesterday, we drove up to a CPE dog show in Petaluma. CPE dog shows, my non agility friends, are sort of like the flip flops to your vintage Frye engineer boots. Not to be confused with non vintage ones purchased at full price through some swishy online retailer that sells the Perfect Belt for $340. Sort of like the Mazda to the F-250 truck. Your basic tract ranch with wall to wall berber to your sculpturally restored Eichler. Like it gets you where you want to go. Just has sort of a different vibe than USDAA. Kind of agility for the rest of us.

So when kicking back in a tract house in your flip flops, 6 year old Mazda parked in the pretty clean driveway, there's not a bunch of cares in your world. Crack a beer, turn on the tv, flop back in the slightly stained couch with a polar fleece throw to hide it and you hang out. Sort of like at CPE. USDAA show, you got your boots that are so perfect broken in and you had to make sure to do the truck maintenance to keep that big truck running good and running strong and there's always stuff to attack on that Eichler at all times to keep it stunning and better than the other ones on the block.

So you get it. Just different strokes in these dog shows. I go to both. One way, not so stressful, one way more of by way of aspiration work in progress. I think that makes me a slip on navy blue Vans wearer driving a 1999 Honda CRV living in a vintage wood paneled 1940's beach bungalow that still needs work. We took our friend Mary and her dog who live down the street so we carpooled and how green is that and her big dog had to sit sort of smashed up against my small dogs. I think they all had a nice time of it anyways. Is fun to bring a pal to the dogshow! Thanks Mary! She tore up the Level 3 CPE stuff this weekend.

My dogs had a swell time. Really can't complain. I know that they were all Qs, all the time. Now it's all a little foggy, I know there were some weirdo start lines for Ruby in the morning that went away by the afternoon. Cost her some time, cost me some concern, but she never looked sore and by the end of the day was running like that finely tuned big truck I always hope her to be. Just tried to keep her out of weave poles where I could. One bar late in the day at a double jump out of a blasty tunnel. One bar, whole day. Hey Ruby thanks! Our big goal here was testing out her super fast and CONSISTENT running dogwalk contact we've been working away at but this was nearly a dogwalk free dog show for some reason of mystery not figured out by me other than CPE judges not dogwalk fans? Is somewhere in the rules? Dunno. The one she did in her Standard was fast and feet ran straight to the bottom of the yellow like we've been practicing practicing practicing but no way to tell was it fluke or fact.

Otterpop continued in her newly scrubbed off brain idea of it is not so bad out there in that ring. Loped around like in the hunters. Can't say she's looking like the fastest dog in town like she does when she practices in a ring she deems safe and sane. She only likes sheep and horses to watch her. And have beloved frisbee there. But had a nice working canter, like if they had a hunter division for scrappy little Otterpops she'd be right in there. Would have to braid her tail somehow though. But just a steady, confident dog out there and I see her getting nothing but better and easier out there and not searching so desperately for zombies at every turn. In the world of CPE, this means she wins prizes and such, although I still need to check and see what they were. I kind of don't actually care though, so maybe tomorow. Or the next day.

In this episode, we go to CPE on our own home turf.

I didn't even tell you we were going to a dog show on Easter. It was CPE. Low key. A fast drive away. Maybe you were eating chocolate. Maybe you were at some other Easter Dog show. Why are there dog shows on Easter? Sundays are just Sundays are just Sundays.

At CPE, I am not attached. I run better, because I just don't care. I believe I am sloppy sometimes, I chit chat outside the ring right before a run and I don't always focus so fierce. But I think I am not so uptight as at USDAA. I guess. I don't really FEEL uptight at USDAA, but I do feel like the competiton is So Good, all those World Teamie Types, and I always want to measure up, look ship shape. Like a big girl. CPE is sort of like you are wearing your jammies and ugg boots at Safeway, pushing the shopping cart around in the ice cream aisle and it's just ok to do that sometimes. There are no ugg boots and jammies at USDAA. Just matching track suits and Dita shoes all around.


Ruby, you were a star. I took any weave pole pressure off. I let you run right out of the ring in Standard after you did the poles so nice and just didn't want you to have to finish that course. I have no problem doing the sacrificial Q's in CPE. Sometimes just run out and party on, Garth. You did not hit any bars WHATSOEVER all weekend. And a couple runs you blew me away with your insane speed and border collie-esque styling. You were so DAMN fun to run that I thought, that's right. This is agility. This is the craziest, funnest thing you can do and this is why we do this. I think you got a bunch of Q's. I didn't ever check the scores. I just didn't care. I wanted you fast and clean and no pressure at poles and that's what we did and it worked. Your first class of the morning, Jackpot, was nuts and I could barely handle you but I ran out of the ring screaming for you to come over to the table to stop the clock because you were heading somewhere else, just insane to be on the course. I love that. It's bad agility, but I love it.


Otterpop you tried the hardest you have tried in a long time. You gave me 2 very, very fast runs. You had a couple slow ones with fast endings. But you never, ever thought about melting down and doing damage out there. You decided you would try hard to hold it together and hold it together you did. I was shocked in your Jackpot run at how fast you were, and made you easy, fun courses after that, screw the point value. Your snookers sucked speedwise, but you seemed surprised at my handling and went with it. I used a new technique called Feel The Love Otterpop. I thought, what if I was Otterpop. No one really likes her. She's mean, and she's funny looking. She is the weird kid at school that everyone hates and there's rumors about how her hair stinks and she has spiders in her underpants. I am her only friend and she will feel the love of dog agility with me. So I chatted it up with you on the course, against all things we know about Using Just the Facts, Ma'am. And it felt a little weird but I just kept you close every step and you decided that you would not commune with zombies and you had this one STELLAR teeter, in standard, and I just sat there with you laying there on the down contact, as it hit the ground, telling you how fabulous it was. People were like, um, that clock is ticking but I just wanted you to Feel the Love, Otterpop. And you just went Q, Q, Q for the love of it.

So yeah. It was Groovy. Feel the Love. No Pressure. Go for the Joy. It was like a hippie inspirational poster with a seagull. A saying you could engrave on a rock and give it to someone when you can't think of what to get them for Christmas. We can't always run like that. I hate seagulls and I hate those rocks. Someday it will click, Otterpop. I looked up Ruby's records and she is very close to a C-ATCH, the big championship of CPE. I think I am going to just put that folder up on a shelf and ignore it and look at it later so we can have these enjoyable CPE's of no pressure and just big fun. Like I should with USDAA. Someday. When I get the stick out of the butt of my matching track suit I guess.

Did I mention it was Muddy?

Our travels this weekend took us to a muddy, muddy, wet place named The CPE Trial in Elkgrove.

I thought you would like a glamorous, insider's view into the behind the scenes life of an agility competitor.

All our stuff is inside the car. Where it is not raining. This includes dogs and mud. Dog frisbees, dog coats, human coats, are all coated with mud. Coffee and things inside the cooler are exempt from the mud. Do you remember I got some new Red Shoes the other day? They are coated with mud but I am very happy to report to you that my actual feet, not coated with mud or even a tiny bit wet. So that was one part of the whole day that was not muddy. My feet.

The dogs had an enjoyable day sitting in cages in the car, staying out of the rain. They would go into it for occasional games of frisbee, or "warming up" for classes. Warming Up means:

Take a walk in some mud. Going in the mud. Getting muddy. Do a couple jumps. Have some treats. Run crazy fast. Pull the frisbee out of the mud. Pretend that you are doing this crazy fastness in the ring. Get a little more muddy.

Then the dogs would go in the ring, which was in a covered arena, yet still muddy, and be not super fast. In CPE, this is actually fast enough for Team Small Dog to win many of their classes. And even get Q's in all of them. Except for Otterpop's Jackpot Class, where the timer broke and the run got all screwed up and she was not allowed do-overs. Oh well. I am not sure why, and what the hell. I didn't really care. I kept looking at the judge, waiting for a time buzzer, the judge would look at me, I'd do another loop through the ring, look at the judge, she would look at me, no buzzer. I keep looking over. Hi Judge! Finally I look at the judge AGAIN after really a lot of extra seconds, and she says, Just go do the gamble. Um. OK. So we missed it because we were over in a weird spot to get into it. Such is life. Our gamblers curse is apparently back and now tied into my weird magnetic force field that screws up electronic timers. But there are worse things to worry about. Like piles of muddy laundry and why does Frances McDormand wear Martin Scorsese's old man glasses yet still manage to look kind of cool?

Otterpop was still scared of everything, however she did not have any barking paranoia attacks. This is in a metal building teeming with raincoated ax murderers and zombies disguised as raincoated agility ladies. She had running paranoia runs, where she was running, yet also implementing full radar for alleged slashers. She had a couple semi relaxed runs, and a couple with slow starts and speedy ends. I was proud of her because i felt like she was actually trying to hold it together. Thanks Otterpop! Maybe not full speed but you held it together and we just keep working this out.

Ruby was on cruise control mode. Not crazy, zany fast, but not slow. Just kind of having a pleasant time, in the mud. Which was a-ok with me. She seemed happy as a clam. She had a couple of moments near the weave poles of little moments, then was fine. None of her poles were horrible slow, but I can't say they were super fast. I tried to be relaxed and casual to the point that I gave her a couple refusals from sloppy, sloopy handling like a drunken bus driver, but that was sort of my mission of the day. See if the bus is broken, just needs an oil change, or is a happy bus. I would say normal and happy, and maybe next time I can rev her into top speed mode if she is still seeming a-ok after this.


We took our friend Mary and her dog Ariel. Ariel is actually not as giant as she looks here, but still had to squish into the back with all my caged dogs. This is what they look like at 4:45 in the morning! Surprise! This was one of their first trials and let's say the OWNED that Level 2 division. How many new handlers go out there and attack 3 7's in their Snookers Run?

Gustavo could have done without this trial. It was a bit much for him. Mud. Crowds. Loudness. A lot of sitting in the car. He didn't love it. He heard there were pancakes at home when he was sitting locked in a muddy cage. Thanks for sticking it out Gustavo! He saw Daniel Day Lewis on the Oscars last night and now he wants his ears pierced like that if he has to go to any more muddy, sitting in the car all day agility trials. Yeah. Only if you actually start bringing BACK that muddy frisbee instead of leaving it out in the mud.

Dreams of momosas and valet parking.

Yeah. I am practicing his weave poles wearing clogs and the layered look but not in a good way. It was that kind of day.

If this is Sunday, then I already left the house. At like 5am. To go to Elkgrove, California, for an exciting CPE trial in a covered horse arena in the middle of cow pastures near a prison. You were still asleep when I went through Stockton. Probably you were still asleep when I went creeping down their long dirt road into the facility, found a parking spot, jumped out of the car, walked a course, woke up a dog, did a run, woke up the other dog, did a run, and then probably kept repeating this all day until it was time to turn around and drive home the 2ish hours. Maybe more coming home because it's the same freeway everyone who goes snowboarding in Tahoe uses and we all like to leave at the same time to drive home. We plan it that way. Are you awake right now on Sunday morning? If you slept in, I bet we ran Standard and Fullhouse already. Do you feel tired for me? I don't even love CPE but I love the covered arena and we just need to go start our dog show season again somewhere so this is it.

Do you think we just leap in the car and go? Sort of. When that alarm goes off at 4:45, I am perfectly trained to leap out of bed and make coffee and grab dogs and brush teeth. I am fast as greased up pigs running from the bacon man. Because I have to drive through San Jose, head out east over Altamont Pass of Windmills Hells Angels Killed someone at a Rolling Stones Concert there during hippies, up 1-5 through Stockton and head east again towards prisons and cows. But we get really packed and set up the night before. What do you need to do to go to a dog show? A low maintenance, one day, not even taking a canopy because I am mean and just keeping my dogs likely in the car most of the time, minimalist dog show?

Pack up: xpen, shady cloth, frisbee, folding chair, folding crate. That'll contain those little monsters all day. Throw 'em in the car. Find the cooler. Clean clothes! Do not forget to wash some clothes you would like to be wearing all day at a dog show. I have very few at the moment I can actually squeeze into due to the previously alluded to Sees Candy fiascos at Christmas time. They are all in the wash right now. It might be hella cold up there in Elkgrove so I'm wearing jeans and many shirts (layered look!) and many jackets. I threw a bunch in the car already. It is important to get the clothes ready and leave them in the bathroom including your socks. Just trust me on that. Some people might have lucky socks or underwear. I don't have any lucky clothes. I just don't want to look like a frumpy old ranch lady is my goal. Did you hear that Tim Gunn?

Find some food. No food in the house. Go to the store. Main item we MUST have-some hot dogs! For the dogs as an award for going fast! Or in Otterpop's case, not having a paranoia barking attack in the ring. A hot dog to look forward to. Like I would look forward to pizza and ho ho cake. Which I do not bring because that's just too complicated. I take some apples and bananas and I'll make a sandwich the night before and some nice drinks and a bag of chips and I have my coffee stuff set out on the counter. There is usually not so good food at dog shows, so it is useful to pack your own healthy lunch is what I like to do.

The coffee thing is really key here. I am not legally allowed to drive if I have not had enough coffee. It even says so on my drivers license. So Elkgrove=2 Large Travel mugs full. This is after consuming one large cup as FAST AS I CAN whilst frantically grabbing items for leaving such as actual dog agility dogs before I am allowed to start the car. Do not start car and drive until ONE FULL CUP of coffee is drank is just a good rule of thumb if it is dark and you need to remember which freeway to take is a good rule of thumb to follow. Just trust me on that. Yes and all that coffee might make you have to go to the bathroom and then you have to deal with that when all you want to do is drive 80mph and listen to the ipod which now works in the CAR! Maybe it is possible to hold it. Is that too much information? You wanted to know about underwear the other day so I am just trying offer Detailed and Useful Information to you here.

Is the glamour of my lifestyle killing you here? Like you cannot STAND the glamour? Maybe you are getting ready to head out to Sunday brunch in West Hollywood with a somewhat washed up pop and country singing star at the place you always see people on tv and how little and teensy they are in real life eating a leaf for brucnh. Well good for you. I will dream of your momosa and you can wish you were me out there with a damn speedy and hot dog awarding clean run.

One full gas tank and 2 travel mugs full.

The Rio Consumnes Prison at Sunset.

To get to where the dog shows are in Elk Grove, get up at 4:30am, drive past the freshly smashed deer on Highway 17 in the dark, go over Altamont Pass where the Hells Angels killed someone during a Rolling Stones concert during hippies, go through Stockton, turn where you can barely see the sign, pass the prison, hit a bird, make sure to turn after the little horse sign, drive REALLY REALLY slow down the driveway next to the cows, and you are there at 7am! Try not to stay up amost all night the night before because you were drinking margaritas at Palomar.

The big kudos today goes to Otterpop, who won Every Single One of her Good Sized Classes, and rightfully so. She was running like her frisbee was buzzing around in front of her. She was slamming contacts like a tubby little machine. She was racking up points like a, well, like a point racker. Their gamble equivalent in CPE was sort of oddball, and gave small dogs something like 50 seconds to rack up the points in a sort of snookery way and we found 60 points. Which is a heckuva lotta points for a shortie. We did an aggressive-ish Snookers and made it. (I did a HIGHLY aggressive Snooker with Ruby and got whistled off when she back jumped the last red jump in my attempted insanity of making it work. Thanks Tim Gunn.) Flew through Standard and all her other classes. This was the Otterpop I practice with! Thanks Otterpop!

Ruby was actually awesome, but so wild that we had errors every so often and didn't do as well. Even though it's CPE. She is challenging to handle when she's so, um, crazy. But she cracks me up because she is so happy to be out there and SO FAST! She did Q in almost everything, but also hit a couple bars, had the wild Snooker, and had one of those nutso Standard runs that just made me start cracking up at the end where the last error (there were a few others) was totally her and not me, because she was so wild and so far out (thanks all my gamblers practicing!) to the side and we had a wacky comedy run that had me running to the end cackling of the hysteria of it all. After stopping dead in my tracks, just standing there, in my nice rear cross position while she was like halfway across the ring because she wanted to be doing the non existent gamble 30 feet away. HELLO it is STANDARD Ruby!

So it was actually very fun, even if Ruby didn't win all her classes too. When she is like that, it is a good problem to have. Everyone was pretty cheerful there and no griping and freaking out and complaining. It is sort of a nicer crowd there I think. Not a bad way to spend a day. In Elk Grove. Where it's so flat. And we were treated to a stunning sunset over the prison yards on our drive out. One full gas tank from home.