What are we fighting about this week in dog agility?

This is sort of hard to explain, my non dog agility friends.

Let's pretend that it's the Jerry Springer Show.

The guests are:
USDAA, played by my own personal California Governor, Arnold Schwarzenegger.
AKC, played by Sandra Bullock.
CPE, played by child actor turned security guard turned reality star turned unemployed security guard, Gary Coleman.
NADAC, played by Paula Abdul who may be drunk.
Canadian agility will be represented by Celine Dion.

Jerry has asked this group to come together because they all put on puppet shows. Different kinds of puppet shows. Yet the same because, well, puppets. And there's a puppet problem.

Usually, USDAA puppet shows are have the most spiffy, new fangled puppets who demonstrate the newest in weaponry. The AKC puppet shows collect some cool cash to pay for Sandra Bullock's facelifts. CPE puppet shows, well, Gary Coleman tries real hard, let's just say. And the NADAC ones are sort of hard to follow. Like the scripts got written while Paula Abdul was drunk and then the writers had to rewrite and then she sort of had a nervous breakdown and no one was really sure what she was talking about but at least she tried to make sure no one had hurt feelings. Up in Canada? Who knows. It's really far away. Celine Dion though, man can she sing loud and she lives in a beautiful mansion with her husband Rene. Although sometimes on South Park they make fun of her and sing Blame Canada really, really loud then kill Kenny.

So what's the puppet problem? Let's just say that puppets are a coddled bunch. Their handlers and agents and managers are always trying to book their gigs between chiro appointments and massages and trips to the psychic. They are valuable, important puppets. Super stars of the puppet world. And lest I be vague using the term puppet, just remember, you got your muppets. You got your sock monkeys. You got your hand puppets. You got your finger puppets.

Oh, you didn't know sock monkeys were a puppet? For shame. Puppet shows are for ALL puppets. Let the sock monkeys go on! Sandra Bullock may hate sock monkeys, but how many of you saw the Proposal, anyways? Huh?

Anyways. Someone discovers that if you always hold a 24" ruler up your puppets ass, it stands up way straighter than if you use a shorter ruler. Actually, it's not an ass. Puppets don't have asses. They're puppets. A 24" ruler, shoved up your puppet's puppet craw, better for puppet backs! On sock monkeys even! Muppets! Big Bird! Little plastic finger puppet even stands up straighter and has no back ache! Just because the ruler is longer!

Oh, some of you are nodding your heads and stroking your heads. The familiarity of it all. You remember when there was a puppet measuring unrest a few years back. That whole debacle over the the sizing of puppet theater roofs. That one got ugly. All the roofs were different and the puppets were dying horrible deaths and finally, all the roofs got made about the same size. The Terminator was the last one to cave. He has that machine gun and just can dig his heels in and start cursing in Austrian.

So Sandra Bullock may have been first to notice this ruler thing. She travels in Europe frequently. Although so does Celine Dion and she's not afraid to let everybody know. European puppets, so much more cultured. Posturpedic. Pastoral. Such nice long rulers and Sandra Bullock's got to have them. Paula Abdul, she's all safety first and is always the first one on the massage table, cocktail in hand and she is all over this ruler thing for safety's sake. Governor Schwarzenegger, he doesn't BELIEVE in 24" rulers because those are for sissies and thinks all those puppet agents and managers a bunch of whining sissies and will shoot anybody that comes yammering to him about ruler size. REAL puppets should be able to stand up ruler or no ruler. Hasta la vista, puppets.

Up in Canada, Celine Dion waved her magic wand and became a dual citizen between the US and Canada because she bought Las Vegas and Cirque de Soleil and made everyone's jaws drop with her puppet shows but also people were pretty sure she was a witch. She has perfect posture and you can be damn straight so do her puppets. She was constantly plagued by the cast of South Park though, no matter what she did.

Poor Gary Coleman. He sort of just does whatever. He's just so short. He's probably ok with whatever ruler size everybody else picks out. No one notices.

So anyways, they all go on the Jerry Springer show together. Do I even need to tell you what happened? The Governator, had a machine gun and sprayed a round off first thing. Sandra Bullock got all insulted and starts blathering on about her box office receipts. She's smug, but she probably is making the most money. Gary Coleman just wanders around and gets lost behind Jerry's desk. Paula Abdul gives everyone kleenex and bandaids that got nicked with the machine gun fire. She just KNEW something like this would happen. Celine Dion has been pre rigged in her Cirque de Soleil airs above the ground rigging and is floating around above everyone, singing.

Wait? What were we talking about?

Dos y Dos Poles, Como esta, Gustavo mi amigo?

Smashing. They are smashing.

Yeah, because of life and so forth, we haven't been able to do them every day. Just how it goes. But we are up to 4 in a line, with a big gap between them, hitting them from all the clock numbers with SPEED.

Still doing weird driveway angle poles, 2 sets of 6.

Little experiment, ran through the full set of 12 a couple times this morning, on a little course, just to see how they were going.

Smashing. They were smashing. SMASHING, yo dice.

Dos y Dos Para Tejer con our Amigo, Gustavo.

Susan Garrett, you won't sue me, right? This isn't your 2x2 method I'm regurgitating here, because I haven't seen the movie. Or read the book. I do like Canadian music though! Do you love the Sadies, Susan Garrett? Or Black Mountain? Total stoner music. Loud, loud, loud. But I digress. Because today, we are going to talk about the systematic way I'm re-teaching Gustavo to weave. To tejer. And I'm going to call this method Dos y Dos. Because Gustavo speaks Spanish way better than English and we are trying to make this Clear as Day, Gustavo. Simple. Easy. Anyone can do it, at any speed. Spanglish or English.

It's a multi pronged attack. Attack, I say! For our method, we need first of all, a chicken.


A chicken? Does Susan Garrett use a chicken? Pollo? No se. I didn't watch the movie. But Gustavo likes a chicken, and chicken we use. The secret of this chicken? It is hollow. Long ago de-stuffed by dogs, yet the now hollow cavity is a handy place to hide some string cheese. And also, Gustavo really likes to play with the chicken. And eat string cheese. And for this method, your dog has to be super happy about running to get something. El pollo, totally fits that bill


And you need some sticks. You can also use 2 set weave poles. Or your regular weave poles with bases and just stick tupperwares over the protruding impalement objects left over when you pull the poles out of them.


Sticks are nice because you can drag them around in the car and pull over every time you see some nice grass and you want to do some dos y dos poles with your chicken. Explain that one to the nice officer.

The other prong of attack is driveway weaves. I have been setting up 2 sets of 6 into totally weird, crackhead configurations and challenging everyone to just do them. Because Gustavo has stellar, super fast 12 poles already in the driveway. So we gotta turn up the heat here. This is hard for everybody, even el tejar perro extraordinaire, Otterpop.


Stuff like that.


And that. God, my driveway is such a ghetto. Don't mind the garbage cans. Just you wait though. Til that porch is painted and for the surprise that starts happening next week when, surprise, Brian is going to rip the back wall of the house off and put the sliding glass door in. Remember how I didn't go to the USDAA Nationals this year because I wanted a sliding glass door? Aloha Bobby AND Rose, sliding glass door on the way as long as the house doesn't fall down when Brian rips the back wall off. How's that going to affect weave poles? Hola!

Um, did I digress?


Anyways. Those 2 sticks, I started working around the clock until Gustavo was running like a madman into them from anywhere I stood, or us running together at mad speeds from anywhere. And every time he did it right, throw el pollo. Gracias, el pollo. Uh, I should mention by around the clock, I'm not doing these, like instead of going to work or sleeping on the couch or staring inside the refrigerator waiting for the pie to appear. Like I pretend the grass is a clock and Gustavo needs to go into the weaves from every single number.

In a few days, we added 2 more sticks. I like to call this part, Dos Mas. When he could run through them straight on, started changing the angle every day. Making it more offset, still running at them from anywhere, as super fast as we could. Goal Being, MIRA! LOOK AT THE STICKS, Gustavo, and run fast into them because you see them. MIRA!


Simultaneous with that, driveway poles on crazy angles. Fun for everyone.


Backwards and forwards.


Trying not to cue to go find the other set. Ruby. Ruby likes to learn new things. She cracks me up. She is the Operant Dog. This shows total proof of cheating and cueing her to go out and find that other set. I suck. I admit it. I suck, yet will also have a sliding glass door. You got one of those?


Here's the little hombre now. Vaya con dios, con much gusto, Gustavo. Andale! Rapido! Y mira that pole.

Weave pole basics, because a cake just isn't always just a cake.

After work, we drove fast down to Salinas yesterday. Sort of racing like. Because I am Jeff Gordon, number 24 NASCAR and I can beat the rain? Also, because in the world of dog agility, you are always driving somewhere that isn't just around the corner to the liquor store and it's useful to see if you can get there faster. With shortcuts. Secret shortcuts. And also because it was See's Candy day at work, being Valentines and I had like 19 pieces before I flew down the driveway. So we drove to Salinas, which is a good drive because you pass several houses with stone deer and bear tableaus. I couldn't stop to take photos, however, now being wide eye jacked up on Nuts and Chews and doing a time trial of fastness driving and also trying to beat the rain. Because it was my favorite border collie's birthday. Hobbes is 10 years old. And I had to give him a piece of cheese. A pretty rotten present, but I also got my own husband genuine Nothing for Valentines, so Hobbes doing pretty good getting a piece of cheese.

And for really because Rob said he would help me with Gustavo. Because I am like "Wah, wah, wah, I am sucking at training my dog!" all the time and so Rob said he would see if he could fix us. And actually, as it turns out, at Rob's house he isn't that broken, like maybe he isn't really all that sucky and I am just a whiney complainer from seeing his first standard video. Which you all saw too and mostly were just all, hey nice pants.

Vintage addidas.

He did miss some poles here and there, but he also hit a lot too. No, my non dog agility friends, not HIT hit them. But starts his windy little trip through them at the right spot. I know dog agility looks arbitrary and shrieky and actually, super lame to some of you, my non dog agility friends, the ones still with me here after I started talking about dog birthday presents. But there is precision and organization and rule following here. And being a non precise, non organized, bad rule follower, this makes agility super hard sometimes. Mostly, Rob looked at me sort of quizzical like, and was like, maybe you shouldn't be obsessing so much on these poles. Because you know. Bad feelings sent via esp to your poor damn dog with obsessing.

Holey nuts and chews.

Uh, yeah. He also suggested trying a sort of MSG (modified Susan Garrett-ooh the thought just sends chills down my spine. Does one dare modify the Susan Garrett and live to tell about it?) 2 poles backup plan. Sort of like, you are a bad Top Chef and you keep on throwing the balsamic vinegar and scallops with fruit and cheddar cheese in the cuisinart and keep on making whatever the hell it is you are trying to make there, but also at the same time practice your Knife Skills and learn to fillet the boney little sardine. I don't even have a cuisinart. So a new little project to add on to the project list.

Which brings me to the project today because being somewhat holiday impaired, didn't deal with Valentines and so have promised to make a nice cake for my nice husband today. Actually didn't even deal with Top Chef last week and have no idea who's even left. But my nice husband did deal with Valentines and sure deserves a nice cake. A bundt cake, to be more precise. Sort of retro cool if I bake it wearing a pantsuit, right? Probably all you know Laura good enough to know, holey nuts and chews. That's gonna involve recipes and the oven and a mixer and pantsuit selection perhaps with pucci style accessories and fiasco, sure to follow. Also thought as long as making the bundt cake, how about a whole genuine cooked meal to go with it with, you know, food and stuff. Something somewhat more complex than my super popular dish, cold pizza from refrigerator. Hmm. Something that speaks to the whole issue of not just a cake, but a bundt cake.

So off to select appropriate footwear and, wait. How this helping his weave poles?

Just in case, and also mini cat training tutorial.

Just in case we all fail miserably this weekend, let the record show:

Set up a bunch of super fast, mini Steeplechase-esque sequences into weave poles yesterday morning at the practice field. Also some super fast running a-frame sequences. I invented these myself. Course design strategy? Basically just dragged stuff around so I could keep making new versions of stuff like FAST FAST FAST FLY INTO POLES FAST FAST FAST. And then FAST FAST FAST FLY OVER A-FRAME FAST FAST FAST. Then would move the jumps and drag the tunnel and then try a new version of FAST FAST FAST FLY INTO POLES FAST FAST FAST and then FAST FAST FAST FLY OVER A-FRAME FAST FAST FAST.


Guess who did not miss a pole, not once, not twice, not ever? Hoo Goo, that's Who!

The girl dogs were on-it too. Worked on them getting into a frenzied fast place where accuracy still counted. But really, today's practice was for Goo. I think having our friend frisbee around makes a big difference. And super jackpot award of of insane dog frisbee helps for extra good speed or poles or whatever was looking gooood at the time.

Here. I'm going to put this here, in case it's a weepy trial of sad. You never know. It's team. The dreaded spectre of E looms. And weave pole expectations in Puppy's First Steeplechase.


Pretend you're in the future now. Like time travel but way cheaper!

Hey, remember last Tuesday and everyone practiced so super fast and weave pole getting and not bar knocking and perfect focus and drive and everyone was a CHAMPION!

Just in case.

Welcome back to driveway weave poles.

It's been a while. But Gustavo runs Steeplechase for his first time this weekend, and boy oh boy oh boy oh boy do I want him to get his poles. They've been great every time I practice, aside from last time we had our lesson from Jim and Gustavo couldn't do the poles at all. Ahem.


He's only every done them once in a trial, his first time in Gamblers. Took 2 tries to make it through. Other than that, just done some Jumpers. Moves up to Advanced this weekend in that. He's entered in something else but I forget what. Was too scared of poles and teeters to put him on a DAM team. Not sure what's going to happen in that Steeplechase run. Wouldn't it be cool if he just DID THEM?


Moved the car. So we can start all the way out in the street and run REALLY FAST up the driveway and make the entrance.


Except in Steeplechase, no driveway. No sheep watching through the fence. No tupperware waiting at the end.


Wouldn't it be cool if he just DID THEM?

Top ten things I did this weekend.

Oh Yes He Did!

Gustavo did weave poles at Dirt Nite.

Gustavo did weave poles at Dirt Nite!

Gustavo Did Weave Poles At Dirt Nite!!

GUSTAVO DID WEAVE POLES AT DIRT NITE!!!!

I know. The Dow dropped 700 points. There was another debate. There's fires. It's earthquake weather.

But did I mention, out there on the big boy courses with everybody else, that GUSTAVO DID WEAVE POLES AT DIRT NITE!!!!

Weave poles Wednesday-Could it be true?

Could it be? There have been a couple days in a row of weave poles happening, without wires. We may have lost a bit of speed, and I'm a little closer than I might like, but he's doing them! I am not lying here. Wires are currently sitting in the garage.

We practiced today at the field with 2 sets of poles. One set, with cages so I could practice at gambler's distance in a sequence and know he was safely caged in there. Like seatbelts. Training wheels. Water wings. Yes. I put my dog in cages.

But had another regular set out, where I worked closer to him, and used the Otterpop Frisbee Jackpot Award Method from last Weave Pole Wednesday. Think it might be paying off. Here's a recreation from my driveway after work. Just checking to see if they took. Thinking maybe, just maybe... Will test out at Dirt Nite tonite, so X your fingers for him. Cuz it may be that he Haz Polz!

Thanks Otterpop! Monkey see, monkey do.

Aloha, Mr. Hand.

You guys remember Jeff Spicolli? Total stoner, went to Ridgemont High. My high school, your high school. Everone's high school. Aka Sean Penn in a baja shirt with fringey bangs. Gustavo is Spicolli. I am pretty sure if he could talk, he'd say Duuuude. A lot. For every occasion. He was always baked. For ever occasion. Pretty good dude though. Just a little bakey.

This is Gustavo. I don't think he sits in a van smoking pot, if he does, he's way sneakier than I ever gave him credit for. But it finally dawned on me. He's just a complete stoner dude. Just happy and grinny, a little paranoid (he's outside right now barking at garbage cans that are in a weird place in front of the house), a little late, a little hungry, but really, a good guy.

So the stoner runs at Dirt Nite now. Had never really put him in there, sometimes took him out to do a teeter and a dogwalk here and there during beginning classes. He didn't like the dirt clumping up on his fur, was loud, just kind of too much for him. So the other week, I just brought him out with my dogs and decided to see if he could run a course in our late class, when I run Ruby and Hobbes and Otterpop. Just for kicks, see what he thinks of those hard courses.

He thinks, duuuude. And just runs around them. Like he gets it. Last night, stuck him in the rotation of everyone, so he kept getting turns, let him run 3 or 4 whole courses. Some hard discriminations, hard turns, many contacts, and duuuuuude. Like so nailing it. What's the big thing of this? Let's RUN! Skipped all the poles with him, except for once. Total stoner. Decided to just see. What the hell. He actually had poles on Tuesday when I practiced with him out at the field, not every time, but a couple times hit them hard and flew threw. A couple times, not so much.

Gave him one chance to try it. Masters Level agility course, not where you are supposed to be teaching a dog weave poles. Came thru a tunnel, saw the poles, flew up on the a-frame. OK. Was a pretty sneaky, I-am-sneaking-out-to-the-van-for-a-bong-hit-sneaky, run behind me to get on that a-frame. Clearly avoiding the poles. Threw him back in that tunnel for one more try, sent him to those poles just like how we Now Do in the Driveway, lovely independent and fast straight poles.

So what did he do?

Duuuuude. I wish I was going to tell you he is like the stoner savant, and just sailed through on the second try, fast and accurate and perfect. I so wish that was what I was going to tell you about here. Instead, sort of missed the entrance, did a section in the middle, came out, and just kept on running. Duuuuude. Didn't push it, didn't use precious Dirt Nite time to start teaching poles. But we have a lot of work to do still. Clearly.

But dude. Look how Sean Penn turned out? Upstanding citizen, political activist, important movie director and actor with serious attitude, used to beat up paparazzi for Madonna. Not too bad. If Spicolli can do all that, Gustavo can learn those poles.

What Would YOU Give Up?

Black Beauty offered to have her photo taken FIVE times, if it would help elect Barack Obama. For a little sidekick, that is dedication. Thanks, Black Beauty.


Otterpop said she would shut up and stop barking so we can hear the news up until the election, and also would be willing to give up those 4 Gambler's Q's that are keeping her from her ADCh (That is her BIG Championship thing, my non agility friends) to keep McCain out of office.


Ruby said she would give up her flawless running dogwalk contact. That she practiced all summer long. Ruby, you have the heart of a saint.


Gustavo said if it helps Obama move to the White House, he will donate all running a-frames for as long as he needs to.

Although we practiced today. And I videoed EVERY SINGLE A-FRAME. All dogs. Won't torture you with this super boring video of dogs running down their a-frame contact. Except with the info that no one, Gustavo included, missed a contact. Or nearly missed one. All were inside the same contact zone as usual, same zone for each dog. Thanks, puzzlement of why so many missed contacts only on JIM'S a-frame.


So he thought he'd give up poles. You know, like giving up chocolate for Lent. I say that doesn't count. If it gets Obama elected, Gustavo donates running a-frames just in trials.

So if you start seeing some way sloppy agility from Team Small Dog coming up, it is for a really good cause.

Weave Pole Wednesday

We're still trying.

A wire here, a wire there. A wire off, a wire on. MOST of the time we have poles, and then, as you shall see, sometimes, we just don't. You are welcome internet, for learning from my mistakes. Like hmmm. Wonder why he can do them towards the tunnel but not the other way. Who was too lazy to drag the tunnel down to the other end of the field to test?

I will say this. They are worse when I'm videoing. They are getting WAY better, but still not ready for primetime. Good thing this is cable. The internet. The blogosphere. Whatever. I predict in 2 weeks, we have weave poles. Because we're going to start taking them on the road this weekend.

Also. I make sheep noises for some reason when he's on the dogwalk. If you can suffer through that far. Sheep noises?



Hey, what's this note from Youtube on the video I worked so hard on last nite-"A copyright owner has claimed it owns some or all of the audio content in your video Gustavo. Straight poles, sometimes crappy.. The audio content identified in your video is Love Machine by The Miracles. We regret to inform you that your video has been blocked from playback due to a music rights issue."

Smokey Robinson, you are blocking my video!

Has Youtube ever done this to you? Didn't block any of my OTHER videos I put soundtracks on but this one is blocked, rejectable, unplayable because the song is busted. Uh, Smokey really cares his song is on a dog agility weave pole video? Smokey, are you out there? Why me? EVERYONE on Youtube uses copyrighted soundtrack material. I am weeping the tears of a clown right now.

Dunno.
So choice they gave, republish with sound muted or keep it off Youtube. So it's on and muted now, I guess. Booo-Ring. This is not how I needed to start this day, Smokey Robinson and Youtube.

Still teaching weave poles-a primer.

So Gustavo, I may have mentioned ONCE OR TWICE like four thousand times, has been really hard to teach weave poles to. In context, Ruby, my first agility dog, learned with a treat and some white pvc sorta poles stuck in a patch of grass in my yard with me never having taught a dog to drunkenly weave back and forth through a set of poles, and learned to have pretty darn fast weave poles somehow. Thanks for being a super genius Ruby! Have no idea how I taught her but you can guess it wasn't pretty. Her weave poles have slowed down a bunch over the last couple years with her aches and pains and phobias, but they're solid. If she ever misses a pole these days, is because I have done something so crackhead and bizarre that she is freakazoid and near meltdown state. In technical terms.

Otterpop learned super fast weave poles in like 3 weeks. Because that's how long I borrowed my friend's weave channel weaves for. And let me tell you, it is very motivating to teach weave poles fast when you know you have to give them back and you are SO SICK of lugging these giant metal nailbreaking finger pinchers in and out of the car and setting them up at the park where people are like TOTALLY STARING AT YOU FREAK WITH DOG PROPS or it's the elementary  school down the street so you go at like 6:30 in the MORNING FREEZING COLD o'clock so small children don't shame you with their stares, setting them up and involves giant leg bruises and not fitting in car and a lot of cursing. Good thing school hasn't started-sorry kids! Somehow it happened in those 3 weeks and gladly returned the poles. That dog will do anything for a frisbee. She may have other problems, but evil super genius, indeed. And now, you can send her into weaves from wherever you want. Super funny party trick in my driveway.

Schematic Diagramatic Channel Methodical

Gustavo. I bought you your own super fancy, powder coated set of channel weaves. Decided you were one year old and could learn weaves, and off we went. Used wires. Used cages. Methodically, carefully, using all my knowledge from all my agility careful reading of books and videos and classes and teaching others to run through poles. Whole MAGAZINE ISSUES devoted to teaching weaves. We studied. We make notes. I made hot dogs. OK, we did not make notes. But I did sing Buck Owens songs here and there.

And it went great. Wow what fast poles as I methodically and slowly closed the channels down in careful, tiny increments. Agility Jargon Alert! Do you get this fact, my non agility friends? Open channels=looks like a straight line with nothing to bump into for the dog. Fast! Closing channels means not so straight line anymore of dog running, in fact many poles a dog could bump into and learns to weave through them because now poles are the straight line.

Until the poles went straight. That last teensy bit, equaled, not weave poles anymore. Hi and Goodbye and Adios. Yes, these newly 100% straight poles were better for going around or through and out or something not the perfect, super fast poles of my dreams.

And we may have taken a practicing break. Or two. Or three. Don't tell Jim. With the super champion puppy. Due to actual practicing and perhaps champion being doesn't hurt.


But guess what we have this week?

I just had to show you this.

I'm not really a video person. I mean, I am not at all a video person. This is taken with my regular camera, just setting it on a bucket and using the video for dummies button. And don't mind me hiking up my pants. But I thought maybe you'd like to see what Gustavo looks like doing a little sequence. Not having an actual camera angle that could show you, he does that chute barrel out to a staggered line of jumps before the tunnel. Like stuff I do with everyone else! And every time we did those poles, hit that entrance no problem, and pretty fast through 'em, RIGHT? Like I think, little drumroll, maybe even faster than Otterpop's poles.

Yeah, the channels are a little open at the first couple poles. I really want him super confident about those entries, even though this may come back to haunt me at some point. And yeah, that's how I do his startline. Like we just GO. More potential haunting of the future. And yeah, that's Otterpop barking under the soundtrack. I am kind of from the what the hell if the other dogs bark school of thought when it comes to irritating barking dogs during agility. Just pretend they have little cheerleader skirts and are tearing up pom poms at the same time. Too loud for any haunting. Those barking short dogs scare the pants off any lurking ghosties.

But see here, my non agility friends. I am running really, really fast. Look at Laura run, insert your giggles now. I don't care. This is the whole point here. That tunnel is almost 100 feet away from the camera. My chubby and stubbly legs are flying. And those jumps you can't see are on weirdo angles, and he's just getting it. You run as fast as you can, you do what I show you, and you think it's the best day ever. It is starting to get really, really fun with him.

Sequencing and weave poles-a primer

Right-o. So yesterday I told you how Gustavo was just nailing those pole entrances as part of a sequence and flying through the poles like a pro. Never missed a beat. Had the sheep impressed if blank stares from across the pasture counts as impressed. He made me jump up and down and squeal with the joyfulness of it all until I noticed my pants were slipping down again in the back and sheep could see things best seen on plumbers and little harlots under the age of 19.

So today we did the same exact same little deal. Changed the angle of a couple jumps, but the same thing Generally Speaking. He is comfortably doing little sequences of 4-5 things, maybe more if they involve straight lines. And tunnels. God does he love tunnels. Oh. I moved the tunnel over to a new spot, I should mention that little, teensy, tiny clue.

So what do you want to bet that he completely forgot how to do the poles?

Did you bet a lot on the high quality of my quality dog training that I've been a good teacher and shown my dog how to teach himself to run through poles accurately and super fast? Wager all the money on the dog training genius of Laura. All those chips slide out to my roulette number on the black. Every single one. How many of you betting on that?

Or did you bet the other way? Because I call him a squirrel. And it took months to figure out if he really understood the word Sit. Because a tiny little short bus should pick him up in the morning with his lunchbox taped to him and a giant name tag that says GUSTAVO in puffy letters with a ladybug on it. And glitter. And I mentioned this little thing. I moved something. I moved the tunnel across the field. How many of you waving your big plastic cup of quarters this way?

Yes, I moved the tunnel. He LOVES the tunnel like I love my taxidermy. Like I love ipod and my green purse and navy blue slip on vans and the way my super oldest old lady horse says hi to me every morning. Screaming in delight joyful. Up and down jumping not able to contain the joy of it all. Dancing robots! As if the sky was not filled with smoke and no animals ever old and sick and goddamn rainbows hurling their way through my own personal big sky in the land of ranches and chocolate chips and pots of gold and where all evil drooling leprechauns have been eradicated by the Power Unicorns. And yesterday, the tunnel was after the poles. Today, tunnel somewhere else.

Yes, OK. Did you just win a bunch of money or lose it? Poles were forgotten. 3 times through, hi and goodbye and poles a nice thing to run alongside and maybe over to the fence a moment and is that a butterfly over there? Why would you want to fly through poles top speed if there is no tunnel afterwards? Like duh. Butterfly so much cooler! Run so fast and wild to the butterfly!

But, time number 4, HELLO and BONJOUR and ALOHA because here we go. My crafty little toaster oven you, you REMEMBERED which is HUGE as in my book of Gustavo. And you were treated to the joy of the exploding tupperware where I throw it so hard out at the end the lid pops off and there is as much cheese as you could ever want exploding there in your tiny little shrapnely toothed mouth. And then it was like, OH-just do the poles whenever you see them, no matter if it is the tunnel or the dogwalk or whatever thing. Like I think he might be getting it.

Here is where the sheep people all get mad at me.

When we practice now, our friends the sheep sometimes come and watch. They're kind of a motley crew, those sheep. Their fur, or wool, or hair, what is that, hangs off in chunks. I believe myself to not be a sheep person.


They are getting used to having sheep fans. Or maybe fans is really not it. Bystanders. Bored voyeurs. Hanger arounders. They are the ones that witness these fabulous contacts but still sometimes dropped bars. And just don't appreciate how hard we're working on fixing our agility flaws. And treated to the sight of me running around, arms a waving, yelling, "Go Go Go Go Go Go!" For every dog, every turn. I try to make everyone have a fair turn. And each dog gets their favorite reward when they do something particularly cool. A big frisbee game for Pop. Ruby tugs on her new rawhide bully stick and gets to go chew it in a corner all by herself. Gustavo plays for a while then eats some cheese out of tupperware then has loveys. It's what works. The sheep watch and do not comment.


And then just go back to doing what sheep do. Which as far as I can tell (I'm sheep sitting this week) is just eat dead grass all day and walk around. And look startled. And stare but with this blank stare. I am glad I don't have to do something like give them shots. I heard that was an exciting day of sheep wrangling. They are so not horses. I just stick with the horses. My life would be fine without sheep in it.


Otterpop dreams that I let her out there to go move them back to their pen. Or somewhere. Maybe out into the busy road. Who knows where she'd put them. She watches them, making plans. I think we won't test this out, to see if she has any herding ability. We'll just let her think she does and leave it at that. Good staring, Otterpop.

So where's Gustavo? He doesn't really register sheep on his interesting scale. And can I just tell you this fact. It's a little braggy but you'll like this. I stuck the channel weaves out there, in a little sequence that was fast and open with a hard hitting pole entrance. Playing Gustavo Runs Steeplechase. With his channels a little open at the entrance. Steeplechase for dummies. And he kept flying through, collecting and hitting that entrance no matter where I was. And doing a rocket speed mini border collie single foot through the poles. I am not shitting you. Would likely be a loser at rounding up the stock. But is totally getting the hang of this agility business.

Get out all your weapons and you can build this course too.

All right. We have been really and truly practicing again. Like organized, sequence setting, thinking about, practicing. Actual Planning! With something for everyone, and trying to leave Timmy earlier in the morning so I'm not freaking out about how late I'm going to be to work. Because the dog shows are coming! Crack of dawn everyone. Sort of. Not really. Early enough!


OK. This one. Every time I start muttering about what am I doing training a squirrel to do agility, he makes some kind of breakthrough and he did that this week. I'm not showing you. I can't take pictures and run him is what I'm learning. Like not even a second can I lose focus to go fiddle with a camera button. I know. You thought my reality tv production crew takes these stunning photos. Is just me and my dad's camera and my greasy fingers, my friends. Plus, he didn't do these grown up dog sequences. Although he did little parts of them. He is still on the little yellow bus doing his own special poles with channels open at the entrances/exits, and a lower a-frame, and a lower teeter and the dogwalk with targets out.

And sometimes running around big black buckets because he likes that and considers running around a bucket an agility obstacle. When someday the gamble includes trash cans or buckets out there a million miles from the tape line, he's my main man. But I gotta tell you, his little sequences are getting confident and coming together and as they get more consistent, SO FAST, and I am glad I'm taking it so slow because I see these glimmers of greatness in him. Before he dashes in that tunnel again. Or goes looking for a hole in the fence. His training mantra is Repeat, Rinse, Repeat.


So here's an exercise you might like. My course map maybe not really to scale. Who's ever seen a bullet bigger than the gun? Make a figure 8 with some jumps off on one side, poles down the middle, and a dogwalk to jumps and a chute barrel off the other side. So there are a gazillion ways to come into the middle pole section off the jumps part, and you can change up your turns to the dogwalk each time. Like I would go Gun-Knife-Bullet-Poles-Dogwalk-Cup-Knife-Bullet-Knife-Poles again. Or you go in reverse order. Or Gustavo can do it without the Grown Up Poles but still do all the knives and bullets and the gun.


So you could front cross between the bullet and the poles, which was Ruby's preferable way for me in there. She likes me to RACE her through those poles. So I try to beat her. She's actually been looking pretty good, and now I sort of wish I had decided to do a DAM team with her in July. But I think she doesn't need long days of a lot of runs. So I'm just going to keep her workload light and see if she holds up.


Sometimes just let her wrap the bullet and either rear cross the poles to dogwalk, or just handle them on the left and rear cross the dogwalk. A lot of ways to get onto that dogwalk and work on those contacts which are looking smashing! Making actual concerted effort to place delicate little dog paws on that yellow paint.


Otterpop hates that front cross to the poles. So picky. She likes me far away from her going into the poles. Needs her privacy. Which is fine when she's super speedy and practicing, but not so fine at a trial and she's slower. Problem being, I can't get her to practice slow. She attacks poles with a vigor that I believe she would like to try out on cattle. You can't see but there are actual cattle off camera here, across a couple fences. Boy does she give them the stink eye. A new thing to watch on the new field. They don't notice her, tiniest cattle type chihuahua in town. They seem to sleep a lot.


She prefers I hang back and let her into the poles from way back and rear cross or stay on that side and rear cross her dogwalk. Ruby hates that. Otterpop loves that. I have been trying to teach Gustavo every possible way I can think of to get him in the poles so he is not so damn picky as these two.


So typical of Otterpop. Just likes to do it her own damn way. Of course wants me to be around desperately, but always gotta look like she's the one running the show.