What Would YOU Give Up?

Black Beauty offered to have her photo taken FIVE times, if it would help elect Barack Obama. For a little sidekick, that is dedication. Thanks, Black Beauty.


Otterpop said she would shut up and stop barking so we can hear the news up until the election, and also would be willing to give up those 4 Gambler's Q's that are keeping her from her ADCh (That is her BIG Championship thing, my non agility friends) to keep McCain out of office.


Ruby said she would give up her flawless running dogwalk contact. That she practiced all summer long. Ruby, you have the heart of a saint.


Gustavo said if it helps Obama move to the White House, he will donate all running a-frames for as long as he needs to.

Although we practiced today. And I videoed EVERY SINGLE A-FRAME. All dogs. Won't torture you with this super boring video of dogs running down their a-frame contact. Except with the info that no one, Gustavo included, missed a contact. Or nearly missed one. All were inside the same contact zone as usual, same zone for each dog. Thanks, puzzlement of why so many missed contacts only on JIM'S a-frame.


So he thought he'd give up poles. You know, like giving up chocolate for Lent. I say that doesn't count. If it gets Obama elected, Gustavo donates running a-frames just in trials.

So if you start seeing some way sloppy agility from Team Small Dog coming up, it is for a really good cause.

If we are truly irritated, let's just take the irritation out on Starbucks.

So what would you rather hear about? The long conversation I had last night with Ranger J. Burns, that ended with a warning not a ticket, and a promise that he would personally never shoot me with an assault weapon no matter how fast I ran away from him into the bushes? And my theory for him that my dogs are like beer, and my leashes in my hand are like brown paper bags, and how good cops, not bad cops, turn a blind eye at the brown paper bags so they can save their enforcement frying for bigger fish. Which he didn't exactly buy, but I thought I should explain it to him anyways. I did manage to not lose my temper, although I did make him wait for me to count to 10.

Or perhaps you would like to hear how Gustavo had a great practice, was speedy like wind, flying over the big boy a-frame and the remodeled dogwalk and slamming his teeter all by himself with gusto and running through his poles with no training wheels? No slamming on brakes. No bad memories of scarey country dogs. All speedy and wild!

Or perhaps you'd be interested to know my hair is currently wadded into a big fat hair wad and it is still coated with dust. Or that I made Otterpop dance around in my living room with me to the Cure.

No, I think those are all stories you have heard before. They just keep happening over and over again. On a different day and to a different soundtrack. But today I am listening to Willie Nelson singing with Johnny Cash. So I will tell you what leaped out at me from the newspaper in the morning. Because I am mean and that's something I didn't tell you yesterday or the day before. I don't even read the old fashioned paper newspaper anymore, but some guy still throws it out his car window into either our wet plants or under my car every morning at like 4am. I see him sometimes when I'm out there with Timmy. Some members of my family can only read sports things from paper and the internet is not the same no matter how much it is costing us to have the car guy throw it at us.

What the paper says, is how there is a 99% certain chance the Big Huge Quake Certain to Kill us All is happening for sure in the next 30 years. Like not probably. Not likely. Like for sure it is coming and for sure in my lifetime and for sure we are all going to die this time. Just reading that ensures mega heart palpitations on my part and is a great way for me to start my day in a panic. So, to get out of panic, need something else to think about. Because denial is how we live in earthquake country.

How about, since many trees are being butchered already for the sports pages and earthquake news, a pull out, 10x14" full color with varnish print ad from Starbucks tucked into that newspaper that showed their old '80's logo with the spread eagled and busty woodcut mermaid? Except that the mermaid has been de-nippled with different hair. Thank god that is a problem we have sports bras for and don't need to address in dog agility hair issues. Does anyone other than a graphic designer notice the Starbucks logo thing? Like they are pulling the retro thing to be cooler, since their name does not mean cool anymore. So if they harken back to the Olden Days of Starbucks, we think it's a little cooler?

Did you know you were getting a little lesson here in branding? People used to ask me "What is branding?" when I was a designer. Now that I am back in the horse world, people might ask me more when they are looking at a brand on a horse's butt and I am supposed to know, does that mean Zangersheide or Swedish Warmblood. But in graphic design, it is how do you incorporate visuals into twisting a consumer's perception of something so that they will consume it. This was one of the things that the better I got at it, the more it curdled my blood until I wanted to quit designing things for other people. Branding is a good line to be in if you are shrewd and more than a little mean.


I don't even care anything about Starbucks, but I do have this internal logo alarm system that makes me follow logos when they start to shift. Like tectonic plates shifting to our deaths! And now they have this weirdo hybrid logo, that is supposed to mean they are cool and retro, yet, not at the risk of offending anyone afraid of nipples. So it's not really retro, it's just sort of like retro. Which is what retro is anyways.


Only some of you will notice that the print ad used the old mermaid on the unvarnished cup, making it Stand Out Boldly. Some of you won't. Probably very few of you notice that it isn't REALLY the old logo, because her new hair covers her nipples. But those of us that did notice might tell others. Like right now. You might never, ever go to Starbucks. But you might need a coffee one day, say a dog agility trial. And perhaps there will be a choice of coffee places. And because I spent all this time calling to your attention this logo issue, when you think coffee, you might think about the mermaid's nipples, and you might notice the Starbucks current slick and way more sanitized for the '90's one, up there on a sign, right in front of your face. And go buy some.

Yep. As simple as that. Designers and Branding Experts sit around and think this stuff up and try to trick you into buying whatever their client is selling. And it is our duty to deconstruct it all. You can figure out Why Keith Richards Does Louis Vuitton ads. Just like we need to resist the rangers and question their every statement. I guess you wish I just told you about practicing with the dogs instead.

Running a-frame the haul ass way-a primer.

So yesterday you saw how I'm teaching Gustavo his dogwalk. We patch it together on real dogwalks every time we see one (like how often do you just see a dogwalk?) or on my contract trainer of a wobbly patio table thing. A-frame though, is all about Hauling Ass. So we go practice on a real one every time we can. He gets a click when he hits the yellow paint (which so far is almost Every Single Time!) and then he runs out for the reward that I either throw or is waiting in his tupperware.


I can be pretty far away already, I always run really, really fast too. It is like a race.


I have to watch careful so I don't click if he misses it. But I think he's getting it. I think I'm going to raise it a bit soon.


He's the first dog I've trained all by myself. Without really asking for much advice, or having him in a class. Just doing things the way that I want to try and that I think will work for him. This isn't neccessarily a good thing. I don't have proven results to swear by and I'm not always the most disciplined trainer. I obsess on my canopy color and whether my shoes are ugly. My dogs screw up sometimes and I have never, ever won a Steeplechase Finals. Except with Hobbes. And I didn't train him so that doesn't really count. But I just have this feeling that this is all going to work. And it's just kind of funner this way.

Is it due to the sunshine?

OK. I know I was all cranky and not a good Sunshine Lady yesterday. But then I left for work, and the sun was out, and it was a day I had time to go practice with the dogs on the way to the barn, and time to go to the beach on the way home from work. And it was hot and I wore a t-shirt all day at work and no parka and no horses were bad and I had time to eat lunch. Nothing was irritating. Sorry. If you like the ranting. Actually, I was probably still curmudgeonly and mean part of the time. But today's story shall focus on the daisies and the rainbows.

The dogs were like phenomenal. Am I making you crazy yet? Ruby is back to the old Ruby which is actually a super fast, pain in the ass speed demon. We missed this Ruby! She was happy to do a little agility in her crazy freaky out of control mode that I love and run like a maniac with the other dogs on the beach. So what's been wrong with her, I dunno. I hope this Ruby is here to stay.

Otterpop practiced super fast and hit her contacts and weirdo pole entrances and attacked the frisbee like frisbee death. I encourage bad and evil behavior when they are doing agility and it makes them CRAZY. Small fast and kick yer ass. I think in dog training language Training in Drive. Training in insaneness of speed and attacking of frisbees and fast weave poles!

OK. Get ready to barf from the barfiness of the joy of it all. Gustavo. Gustavo I take it back everything I said because today you were a sharp knife, the super sharpest one that Dexter uses for serial killing! I might be a spoon but you are turning into a knife! A speedy knife who at this very moment is eating a cardboard box but anyways. We had a lot of knife moments.

He's still just running down the top of the dogwalk. But as fast as I can rev him which is Fast! And hitting his 2o/2o target position smashing wow!

My a-frame technique I am using is called the "Haul Ass Super Fast and Click for Running all 4 Paws Down to the Bottom Method." Perhaps you read about it in Clean Run. I throw treats in a bag so he is learning to not look at me on the click and out to his treats in a bag. He is getting it and so far he hits the bottom every time. The a-frame is way low. The buzz around these parts is all about Rachel Sander's running a-frame box technique but I am going to try to just take this one slow and see if I can teach a consistent hit at the bottom by clicking and running out to tasty snacks in a leopard print bag. He is tiny! Sorry Rachel Sanders!


His teeter method we are using is the similar "Haul Ass and Slide into a Down." It's just all about haul ass with him. And have a piece of cheese on the way down. I am trying to channel Silvia Trkman. I may never be anywhere near as adorable or good. OK. Not even close. But I am just channeling. And not eating so many donuts. So far so good.

Then they had to sit at work all day, on the deck and sleep in a chair. Life is hard. I actually have to work and they are lounging.


And for all my bitching, I can still stop down at Seascape beach on the way home, there's just enough sliver of daylight if I get done a little early (sorry horses and people that I run away from work do not say goodbye to you) that they can get in a quick run before driving home.

But hey! Global warming is still getting worse! Our city is planning for the day when there is No Water!

And Hilary's and Barack's health care plans don't sound very thorough!

And Patty Hearst now has dog show confirmation dogs for a hobby! Beloved Tania!

A mini van is a personal choice.

Today is the decrepid morning after dirt night. Even though I only ran the small dogs, who were great I do add. Hobbes had to stay home because of the actual invconvenience of Rob's work and picking up dogs on the wrong side of another county. I always feel like I'm hit by a truck on Thursday morning but since I've been taking slow, shuffling, demented Timmy with us everywhere I am out of shape. Because I walk real slow and shuffling and likely even demented when I have Timmy with us. Who cares, it's Timmy! What's some extra fat and no muscles. And not carrying enormous heavy things like a-frames and pieces of dog walks for a few weeks takes a toll when you start doing it again. I guess I need to start getting up at 5am to add exersizing without Timmy to my list of things to do. Ha!

At least Tash has found us a nice plastic surgeon that seems to have a new agey twist on plastic surgery for ladies. Thanks Tash! Since the dog agility demographic seems to be (I took this from Clean Run Magazine's demographics. That is THE magazine for dog agility. It is kind of boring but has helpful training articles if you are a dog agility trainer or just like reading that kind of stuff) people who are maybe going to get some knife work at some point. Nothin' wrong with a little nip and tuck is what I say, right? Subtle. Little.

Over 94% of the subscribers are women.

Over 38% are between 41 and 50 years of age, 30% are between the ages of 51 and 60 years, and over 23% are between 51 and 60 years.

Our typical reader attends 12-18 agility trials each year and spends over $4,000 annually on this hobby.

I'll have to add up my receipts and get back to you. Although creative accounting lets many dog related things be a business expense for me due to my "Animal Training" business. Thanks accountant! I just entered their demographic! I subscribed for a long time before this but I wasn't even on their advertising radar because I was too young.

Clean Run has a store that sells stuff you might like to buy to roll into your $4000. Or maybe that is seperate. They are a crafty bunch there at the enterprise that is Clean Run. The magazine is actually nicely designed, so that makes it at least viewable, but the articles are just DRY except when you need help in like making those contacts work right. I am asking you here, what kind of articles would YOU want to read in an agility magazine that are not really training instructions? Like about good agility underwear? Once they had an article about good mini vans for dogs and it made me want to cry and quit agility. But because I am sick and now in their demographic I actually read it but the whole time with conviction. Should I ever want to get my own mini van just shoot me dead to the ground and then run over me in Joel Warner's Millionaire Car. A mini van is no way to live. Missy Elliot wouldn't be seen in one. Gwen Stefani? Only ever to HIDE from the paparazzi. Even if you can fit a foldable teeter and 4 crates in it.

Let's all just read Donna Haraway's new History of Conciousness Critical Theory Cyber Animal book instead, "When Species Meet." I'll give you a book review of it someday if Gustavo doesn't eat my glasses and I can make it through. Donna says start with Chapter 8, which means there is some stuff in there you can understand without a PhD. I have a Masters Degree, so I know I can at least do Chapter 8 and I bet a lot of other chapters too. Thanks Donna! I know you drive a mini van but you write cool books so that gives you way extra points!