You gotta, gotta, GOTTA be careful with your typefaces.

The newest issue of Clean Run came yesterday. Do you get that? It's a dog magazine. Once my picture was in it sort of randomly, as an illustration for an article, and I felt like a big huge movie star for like 3 minutes. Fame is so fleeting. And thank god it was a flattering photo. And was being used to illustrate something I was doing nice in the photo, not crappy.

I try to be a good dog trainer and be excited about sitting down and reading it, but it's a little dry. It had a big upswing in it's design a ways back, but it seems to be going down a dicey road right now. Maybe the old designer quit and moved on to Hustler (hey, lots of people start their graphic design careers in porn) or took to the big city and became a Conde Nast peon. Whoever is designing it right now is rendering it not possible for me to read articles because you know how that kills me. Throw some ill-set headlines in unsuitable type down on some big flashy backgrounds and I am outta there.

Some of it was ok. There is a little section on puppy training featuring Jim's puppy being trained by his wife the big huge agility superstar, and I like that. Because I recognize their big hedge in the background and because I don't feel like I am doing anything too wrong with how I'm training my puppy. Although of course Nancy and Jim's puppy will come out 9 gazillion times better trained because that's the way it works when you can't finish reading the magazine because the pictures are all in the wrong places. And other reasons. But I was excited to see that one of the ways Nancy is teaching the teeter is like one of the ways I am teaching it now too. And I didn't even ask her, because I'd be embarassed at my lack of skilz. I just thought I was making it up.

The other thing people do is take out big full page ads to honor their friends who get a big award or their dog dies. That's how magazines run, the ads, man. Legit and self promo style both. For a while these were looking good but now the design is looking a little scrapbooky again. However there was one I was able to look at even though it was ugly and nasty and my eyes started to bleed out the sides. (OK, it's not that horrible. There are WAY worse pages in this issue.) Because it had a 3 year old little blonde toddler running a corgi and said she was the youngest person ever to achieve agility titles. OK. I know a lot of 3 year olds. I know a lot of corgis. I know a lot of people who can drive cars, type in text messages and cut up things quickly with very sharp knives who would be hard pressed to get around any kind of agility course. So go look on page 48 of your February Clean Run with a big slobbering poodle face on the cover and even though you'll have to look quick so the pink and blue layout with blurry oval portrait insets and soft fadey grass and sort of ill fitting headlines doesn't make you keep closing it (OK, I did have to just close it again so it's also not all that lookable) you will be impressed!

And I am pretty sure we could get your toddler to get Ruby around a tiny little course someday if you want to try!

A mini van is a personal choice.

Today is the decrepid morning after dirt night. Even though I only ran the small dogs, who were great I do add. Hobbes had to stay home because of the actual invconvenience of Rob's work and picking up dogs on the wrong side of another county. I always feel like I'm hit by a truck on Thursday morning but since I've been taking slow, shuffling, demented Timmy with us everywhere I am out of shape. Because I walk real slow and shuffling and likely even demented when I have Timmy with us. Who cares, it's Timmy! What's some extra fat and no muscles. And not carrying enormous heavy things like a-frames and pieces of dog walks for a few weeks takes a toll when you start doing it again. I guess I need to start getting up at 5am to add exersizing without Timmy to my list of things to do. Ha!

At least Tash has found us a nice plastic surgeon that seems to have a new agey twist on plastic surgery for ladies. Thanks Tash! Since the dog agility demographic seems to be (I took this from Clean Run Magazine's demographics. That is THE magazine for dog agility. It is kind of boring but has helpful training articles if you are a dog agility trainer or just like reading that kind of stuff) people who are maybe going to get some knife work at some point. Nothin' wrong with a little nip and tuck is what I say, right? Subtle. Little.

Over 94% of the subscribers are women.

Over 38% are between 41 and 50 years of age, 30% are between the ages of 51 and 60 years, and over 23% are between 51 and 60 years.

Our typical reader attends 12-18 agility trials each year and spends over $4,000 annually on this hobby.

I'll have to add up my receipts and get back to you. Although creative accounting lets many dog related things be a business expense for me due to my "Animal Training" business. Thanks accountant! I just entered their demographic! I subscribed for a long time before this but I wasn't even on their advertising radar because I was too young.

Clean Run has a store that sells stuff you might like to buy to roll into your $4000. Or maybe that is seperate. They are a crafty bunch there at the enterprise that is Clean Run. The magazine is actually nicely designed, so that makes it at least viewable, but the articles are just DRY except when you need help in like making those contacts work right. I am asking you here, what kind of articles would YOU want to read in an agility magazine that are not really training instructions? Like about good agility underwear? Once they had an article about good mini vans for dogs and it made me want to cry and quit agility. But because I am sick and now in their demographic I actually read it but the whole time with conviction. Should I ever want to get my own mini van just shoot me dead to the ground and then run over me in Joel Warner's Millionaire Car. A mini van is no way to live. Missy Elliot wouldn't be seen in one. Gwen Stefani? Only ever to HIDE from the paparazzi. Even if you can fit a foldable teeter and 4 crates in it.

Let's all just read Donna Haraway's new History of Conciousness Critical Theory Cyber Animal book instead, "When Species Meet." I'll give you a book review of it someday if Gustavo doesn't eat my glasses and I can make it through. Donna says start with Chapter 8, which means there is some stuff in there you can understand without a PhD. I have a Masters Degree, so I know I can at least do Chapter 8 and I bet a lot of other chapters too. Thanks Donna! I know you drive a mini van but you write cool books so that gives you way extra points!