Somewhere in here, is a moral about being a degenerate handler at the USDAA trial.

Well. Today I learned that some of you are using the techniques and methods of dog training brought to you by Team Small Dog instead of methods by agility luminaries such as Susan Garrett because I told you she is a witch. And perhaps some of your agility instructors are dismayed. That's right my friends. They have tattled on you. And come to me, pleading, "Laura! They say 'But on Team Small Dog Laura says just run really really fast to the teeter and that's ok!'" Or, "On Team Small Dog not all her dogs have 2 on/2 off contacts! And she says that's OK!" And they may compare their agility trainer's car to the Team Small Dog messy car because we all have too many dogs and xpens.

Well. Let's use today's USDAA trial as a little story for you. The kind of story with a little moral at the end where you go, "Ooooh. I see the Danger in My Ways and Perhaps Susan Garrett, albeit a witch posessing voodoo powers, may have a point in some of her methods, whereas the methods of Team Small Dog may be more akin to the MTV show about the skateboarding dude with his giant body guard that live in LA with a pony in their house and do stuff like teach their dog to skateboard down hills on busy streets." Which they do preface with a little note in fine print that says, Don't Try This at Home.

For instance. Did you notice the focus of much of my little posts all week had to do with Ruby being lame? Ruby kicked by a deer and dragging herself half dead, out of bushes. Ruby lays in her crate all day. Ruby came up lame halfway through last weekend's USDAA trial. Ruby has done nothing but sit around and rest all week. From these statements, it might be reasonable to draw the conclusion, perhaps not run Ruby this weekend at the trial. Perhaps based on the facts, Ruby would be a lot better of with a little vacation of her own that has no deer or agility equipment.

And that was sort of my plan. Until I woke up the other night thinking, I should go to the USDAA Nationals this year! I should pay buckets of money, lose buckets of money at work, take a week off and drive down there and let Team Small Dog represent. Because 5 faulters should get a chance to get whistled off the course just like everyone else. For my non agility friends, USDAA Nationals is a hulking heap of a fancy dog agility show in Arizona at Halloween time that all the cool people go to and it is time consuming and expensive and hot and you do like 2 runs and maybe get whistled off. And everyone is like, "You are so LAME! You NEVER go! You SHOULD GO!"

And I am like, muttering..."Oh too expensive and hard to get off work and what a pain and my dogs are inconsistent and Otterpop would freak out and blah blah blah." But instead of doing something useful like sleeping, I am thinking, Oh What the Hell. Maybe we should try to go this year. My dogs should be qualified, they always get Grand Prix Q's, and Ruby at least has the Steeplechase Q's, Pop has her Team. Non agility friends, you need some special scores to be qualifed to go. Without losing you, my non agility friends, let's say it is like you are going to a party and the only way they let you in to the party is you are required to bring 2 bottles of tequila, 2 bottles of vodka, and one box of donuts. None of which you can just buy at Safeway, but must earn them through the voodoo powers of a magic genie.

So, I looked up our scores. Ruby is fine on her vodka aka Steeplechase, Otterpop has her donuts aka Team and both dogs have a bunch of Tequilas, aka Grand Prix Q's. Because you can hit a bar and get tequila. Earning tequila is easier than earning vodka. You need to rub the genie tummy on a Saturday to get vodka. Donuts are a whole other story. But no wins in Tequila. And it is better to win one, not just earn through voodoo, because it is like getting a free no hangover card at the dog show. So I am thinking, if she is a good dog like she was last week, maybe we could win today. This is planning of insanity since it has been a sleep deprived kind of week. Because see all of the above signs that are screaming, DON'T RUN THIS DOG.

So, of course I run her. Duh. And it looked like a run of the drunken, bloated kind of sugar infested alcoholic who would mix tequila, vodka and donuts. I did her pairs class first, just to see how she was. We had a kindly grandma with a poodle for a partner. Who is competitive as hell and doesn't like to lose. And she goes around clean, and Ruby follows with her bit which, halfway through includes a teeter fly off (never, ever, ever has happened with Ruby) runs around some jumps, runs out of the ring. Um. I am like, oh so sorry, don't know what happened, apparently dog gone insane. Sorry, kindly grandma.

And should have figured there, perhaps dog is insanely sore, even though not limping and may cause erratic behavior? But in my greedy mind, I am thinking, let's just try one more time for that Grand Prix win. Can you see where this is going? My poor dog does 3 obstacles and just goes insane on the Grand Prix course. Runs around the a-frame, runs around a tire, runs around me, just running frantically around everything out there but not going over or through anything and did I mention at some point I am just standing there still, muttering to myself, "My dog has gone Insane?" And when I finally called her in to me, had her jump up in my arms, to excuse ourselves out of the ring, the screech of pain she makes sort of says it all.

I cheerfully yell at my friends, "Don't mind me, dog just gone insane!" as I try to collect my leash and shaking dog and many people offer advice as to numerous causes of insanity. That course so twisty! Perhaps I was unclear with a signal? Um, perhaps I am just an asshole and tried to run my lame dog.

Moving on. Maybe I should have started on a more positive note and told you how Otterpop Q'ed in everything and was relaxed and had good times and was placing and just clocking around like a happy Otterpop and didn't even flinch when the judge giving her the table count was like seriously right there next to her. Although I had to scratch the afternoon stuff anyways to go out to work where we were holding an event that I had bailed on. (Oh Laura and her Dog Shows!) So didn't get to run Hobbes in Steeplechase finals. Did get to run him in Standard, which wasn't so smashing. A bar. Hello 5 faults and a pretty ugly table too. My friends that are agility students, listen to your teachers when they tell you to not call your dogs over the jumps.

Always listen carefully to them, blossoming students on your pathways to agility greatness. They want to help you be a clean runner and not a 5 faulter. There is a method to their madness. My friends who are agility students, maybe even at Nunes Agility Field in Turlock, let this sordid tale be a lesson to you. What have we learned? Do I need to spell it out to you? Just because you have trouble rubbing the genie tummy on Saturdays doesn't mean you need to be a greedy tequila hog. Tell that one to your favorite trainer this week. Just say it's the special agility code you learned on Team Small Dog.

I really like having lots of limping animals on drugs.

Is this photo smoking gun proof or just a coincidence?

This is just how it goes for me sometimes.

In the morning before work, I took the dogs to practice. I set up 4 zones with back and forth type drills, one with poles, one with the dog walk, one with the a-frame and one that was just jumps that could be done sort of hard or easy depending on what dog you were.

The dogs were all good. Gustavo had an extra good day, hitting contacts, great fast a-frames, super poles, super focus. Maybe had something to do with meatballs in the ikeaware. I just stick that thing out on the field and he's good to go. Otterpop was great, Ruby was great. We just had a great day. We were in a great mood. Great great great great great. We played some frisbee and called it a day and they went to go have a nice nap in their pen at work while I had to do actual work all the rest of the day.

So. I should tell you. Maybe you didn't know that Ruby has this sordid history. Of not being sound. It is a fun story of irony, usually when she is just doing her best, when she is at her fastest and most focused, she has come up very, very lame. Once it kept her out of agility for about 6 months, other times, maybe not so long but still. Usually right front bicep tendon area. But not always. And I have been thinking how sound she has been looking, and doing so well, and her poles back to nice and fast, since they never really sped all the way up after her most major injury that was, I don't even remember now. A while ago. Before I made her a 12" dog. I thought that was the magic cure, even though she just needed a few more legs towards her ADCh, I moved her into Performance where I thought she would stay sounder jumping lower. Since her jump style is, um, unusual, and at 16" I think she was just flinging herself into early retirement.

But guess who is dead lame, on 3 legs limping tonight? That would be our Ruby. Who had to be carried out of the park, lame as can be. Just like one of my horses who is getting xrays tomorow! Can't jump up on the bed. Dog, not the horse. Maybe somewhere in her left front ankle this time-a new place! I do believe left front has always been a good one! And, guess who has done the difficult orchestration of rigging my day on Saturday so I can leave work early to run the dogs in a couple classes including the elusive Steeplechase, a class of always Saturdays in which we miss out on almost always. A nice close dog show, only 20 minutes from my work! And then we have USDAA the weekend following as well.

Isn't that the way it goes? Not looking so good for the weekend for Ruby. Gave her some drugs. Can't think of anywhere I saw her do anything weird while we were practicing, but then, never have before. So you know. Maybe she just wacked it. I say that when the horses come out janky all the time. Let's just not start freaking out here because she might have just wacked it and be as good as new tomorow.

I've got some good news and some bad news.

Hello and welcome back from Turlock, February USDAA.


Do you want to hear the good news or the bad news first?


It was that kind of day.


The good news is, look at this birdhouse I bought from an old lady selling them in front of her house on one of the highways in Turlock. It's the stable. Her disabled husband who ignores you through their front picture window builds them. There are apartments for 4 birds on the other side. I love my new birdhouse.

The bad news was, a huge rain storm came in Saturday evening and I almost just bagged the whole dog show and just didn't go. Had no inkling to drive to Turlock in the rain at night and hang out in the rain all day.

The good news is, I saved a Motel 6 bill and had less of a glamorous evening than previously planned. I watched some episodes of Big Love, slept in my own bed, and drove out to the dog show at 4:30 in the morning instead. And I took a new way to get there which was faster, more scenic, and easier roads to drive.

The good news is, Otterpop finally got that elusive Advanced Gamblers Q that she's been trying to get for, um, a really long time. Because she's been in Masters for a while. In everything except Gamblers.

The bad news was, she was still paranoid about judges near her and did that whole looking over her shoulder for machetes whilst running over contact equipment with judges nearby. They just want to see you step in the yellow Otterpop. That's it. But she thinks the first time she looks away from there and just where she's going, out comes machete.

The good news was, her teeters were exempt from machete watching and the paranoia did not result in any barking attacks.

The bad news was, she ran kinda pokey in Jumpers and this made me so sad.

The good news was, she was pretty fast in Standard but had a refusal and got a 2nd in her Grand Prix with a decent but not outstanding time. She was super fast once past the dog walk and a-frame where the judge was closely watching the contacts.

The good news is, Ruby seems perky and happy to play let's attack all the couch pillows with 3 sets of small dog teeth now that we are home.

The bad news was, she had a terrible Standard and I pulled her out of Grand Prix after half a course, and the rest of the day she walked like she was 100 years old and wouldn't jump in or out of the car. I scratched all the rest of her classes and still have NO idea what is wrong with her. If it's in her mind, if she's actually sore somewhere, or it's both. And just now, she wouldn't jump out of a chair to get a treat with everyone else.

The good news is, Hobbes had a beautiful Standard run with a stunning table.

The bad news was, he knocked a bar in it and didn't get the LAST Q for his LAA Platinum, the highest thing you can get in USDAA agility. So we didn't get to drink the champagne I brought for just in case.

The good news is, I tried to see if I could just haul ass with him as fast as I could in the Steeplechase finals and not get him to knock any bars. And I am having a momosa right now.

The bad news was, he hit a bar in Steeplechase (and I just blew him by his a-frame contact) and bars with Rob in other stuff and he is sore and that is probably why he is knocking all these bars. Maybe. So he got scratched from all the rest of his runs.

The good news is, Mary and Michelle from our dirt night classes ran in their first USDAA trial and did smashing. I saw with my own bloodshot eyes. And Mary was even wearing her Team Small Dog Shirt! And it did not rain and was actually a lovely day. And it was a nice crowd and all my dog agility friends were there and no one was in a mean mood. And Gustavo got to play a lot and was perfectly happy to sit in the car. I met Ellen who has the Taj Mutthall Agility Blog. (our blogs are of a very different nature, we agreed.) There. That's a lot of good news. Even though, all in all, it was a little bit of a crappy day dog wise, I am being very glass half full. Gonna fill it up again right now with momosa. Will bring a fresh bottle to Madera for just in case.