Masters Gambler Seminar with Rob Michalski. Sorry Rob!

This weekend, we went to a seminar. By Rob. Who is one of my agility teachers. And my agility pal. And who happens to own Hobbes, rockstar coolness my favorite border collie in the universe and big huge super gambler's champ.

As opposed to Team Small Dog. Who collectively posesses exactly 3 Master's Gamblers Q's. My non agility friends, we need these Q's to get our ADCh or else we end up with sad, unfulfilled lives, passed out on the floor of the Chelsea Hotel with the police on our way and not sure who's blood that was all over the place and it's not a nice ending to the story. So we need all the help we can get. Rob said he would try to help us, but it was also possible we were beyond help. Like our problems may involve a voodoo curse and could take intervention of zombies to get it off of us. We thought we would go to the seminar anyways. Curse or no curse, we are determined to muddle through and get those gambler's Q's.

Also, it was the super fun wedding of one of my oldest and bestest friends and I was the official Wedding Photographer. Many dogs were invited to the wedding, yet curiously, not Team Small Dog. We were happy the wedding went off without a hitch and no small animals were eaten there, nor any food stolen off the buffet line, no barking at of guests, drinks toppled and no wedding cakes invaded by dog fiasco. Was very smart to not invite Team Small Dog! Although, perhaps not coincidentally to our good fortune in Master's Gamblers, I did manage to kill my dad's camera AFTER the wedding, although I did save all the wedding photos! The camera will have to go to the hospital, a fact of which we mourn. Is sort of like knocking the bar after getting the super hard gamble, my agility friends. A heartbreaking ending to a moment of bliss.

Here are some things we learned this weekend:

It is challenging to go to a Master's Gambler's Seminar after a wedding that contained much wild dancing and perhaps some bottles of wine. Sort of like it was challenging to go straight to the wedding after getting up super early to go to work. After a rehersal dinner/bachelorette party that contained perhaps some bottles of wine. Was sort of that type of weekend.

Since the camera is in the ambulance currently, en route to the camera doctor, we will have to use wedding photos taken with my camera from the grassy knoll after I went off duty as Official Photographer to illustrate important points from the Master's Gambler's Seminar. Um, to Rob's defense, I should emphasize here that I am PARAPHRASING what Rob said here and he would tell you these things somewhat different. Really different. Rob uses the Scientific Method of Dog Training and he has Hobbes, and I use the Team Small Dog method and I have a hangover.


Consitency, consitency, consitency. If it smells like a pinwheel, your dog should get it that there's a pinwheel. Use your Dumbo Ride arm and get your dog out there. But make sure it really does smell like a pinwheel and you are not violating the Law of the Refusal Line. Discrimination? Arm out or shoulder in. Deal with your Refusal Lines and Discriminations, people, to figure out how best to do your gamble.


Consitency, consitency, consitency. Footwork. OK, you were pointing to the right place, pushing perpendicular to your dog's path, not the obstacle. Still didn't go out to the tunnel? Where were your feet pointing? Did you accessorize the bottom of your outfit to the top of your outfit so the whole outfit says tunnel, not just your blouse? Shoes matter!


Otterpop is not retarded, she can do the hard gambles as soon as everyone is NOT LOOKING and has gone to sit at the far end of the field and I have proof from Mary who secretly watched out of the corner of her eye. Otterpop was the one that got the dogwalk gamble first! Good god, someone help me remove this zombie curse.

In this episode, we relive one of the lesser fun moments of the dog show.

Masters Gamblers is our albatross bird hanging off our earlobes. Neither dog got the gamble this weekend. Non agility friends, go draw a line in the dirt. Now go stand behind your line. Then look out about 100 miles across the horizon to some things like jumps and tunnels. You will have to squint to see them glimmering, miragelike in the distance. Now just tell your dog to go out there and do this jump and then do this one the other direction then run into that end of the tunnel over there and then when you come out of it go over that jump that is 100 miles even farther away and then bring me a cocktail and don't forget a pineapple slice on the edge of the glass.

Yeah.

So I went to practice this morning before work and set up the exact gamble from the weekend. Was the first thing we did. Let me just see if they can just get out of the car and do that gamble from 100 miles away.

Yep. No problem. They are like, what's the big?

So I make some harder ones. With the dreaded weave poles. Weirdo turns. Coming in from weirdo angles. Throw a dogwalk in. Yep. No problem. That all you got for us?

You wacky little dogs.

Handle it like a Princess.

So at the trial this weekend, in Masters Gamblers, you had to run around for 35 seconds, get a lot of points, then when the buzzer went off, run over to the jump behind the yellow line, send the dog out to the right about 30 feet to a set of weave poles and over another jump. While you are behind the yellow line. Not a lot of dogs were getting it-it's hard enough to do the weave poles at a far distance, let alone with a turn off of a jump that made a very hard entrance to the poles. Like would have been hard enough without being 30 feet away.

So when I practiced Tuesday, of course I set it up. And of course Ruby kept acing it no matter how much farther I got back, or set up new jump angles to make it even worse, like making the 3rd jump even farther out so she had to turn away from me after the poles and get it. She is unstoppable when we practice. You show her once, she is ON IT. Otterpop was getting it too, except missed the entry on some of her turns, speeding ahead to the third pole. She does this sometimes when she's in a hurry and I do not stand still in EXACTLY the right spot. I just yell at her and pull her back around and she hits it the next time. She did this once at the trial. Bad habit. 5 faults-refusal. Just start at the FIRST pole Otterpop! Look at That One! Not the slasher sitting there!

My dogs are SO MUCH faster and consistent when I practice by myself. They are faster and more consistent when I practice in class. They are fairly fast and somewhat inconsistent when I am at the dog show. There are tons of reasons why. Stress. Unfamiliar venue. Unfamiliar equipment. I do not have the frisbee. Or piece of cheese or any type of rotting food on my person. Judges or ring crew sitting or standing too close to the start line. Judges or ring crew standing anywhere near a contact. Heidi Klum. Freddie Krueger. Boredom from sitting around bored the whole day. The hot sun. Sore back. Sore legs. Woke up on wrong side of bed.

Come on dogs! I have been working on being someone that does not complain and has a sunny disposition and provides cheerful customer service! Come on dogs! Just go fast and be consistent at the dog show too! What would Princess Diana do? Run out fast to those weave poles EVERY SINGLE TIME, with no complaints or excuses and with Style. Always remember Princess Diana and not Courtney Love. Thank you dogs!