I tried to watch tv for you but then I didn't.

So, someone said to me, "Hey are you watching Top Chef?" OK, they emailed this to me. No one really talks to me. Well, they do. But not about Top Chef. Like am I going to write up little in-a-nutshell stories about it so they don't have to watch it themselves was what they were getting at. Right, because I watch tv so you don't have to.

I sort of watched it. It is hard to fit in all the tv I'd like to with my busy schedule of, I dunno. Playing with the dogs. Fighting oppression by armed State Park Rangers. Work. Not plastering my office. Doodling with pens. Looking for socks and more receipts for the accountant. Like I don't even cook anything in my own kitchen, so it's sort of weird to watch others do it. I guess many people do this all the time with say, Sports. Basketball. Baseball. That is pretty much what is on our tv a lot of the time because some member of my family may be freakishly addicted to various Team Sports shows called The Important Game March Madness Pre Season F*cking Dumbass Giants. At least these are watched with the soundtrack of the stereo and not the real soundtrack. So as far as I know, basketball is always accompanied by Radiohead.

The chefs were making tacos the other night. If you have never seen Top Chef, just imagine Project Runway but they are all restaurant chefs. They are always drinking beer and they seem really jovial compared to fashion designers. It's hard for me to relate to. Project Runway, I got that. Just like art school. But cooking on a deadline? Like if you told me I had 1/2 hour to make a super fancy pants taco, I'd just give you a look and roll my eyes and slowly drive to one of the 18 taquerias within 5 minutes of my house and get you some tacos and call it a day. Right? To me, a taco is sort of a taco is a taco. I believe I do not have a developed palette. I am perfectly happy to enjoy some peanut butter on a piece of celery and dinner is served.

The the chefs had to cook something else and someone made it too salty and I was thinking, this just isn't all that interesting. Like this is just not from my world at all. They can just go to the store and get some stuff and cook it and it is something others would like to eat. And it will probably involve some ducks and pomegranates (I just had to look that up to spell it) and marscapone. Three things I would probably not think of to buy at the store. You have seen what I cook. Please review hot dog slicing and crack cakes. That's as exciting as it gets. I have advanced to sometimes making some boiled pieces of Trader Joe's frozen chicken for a big dog show treat for anyone that is really fast. I serve the leftovers in Ikeaware for teaching weave poles and running a-frames. Presentation, presentation, presentation. I'll show you that someday soon. It is a crazy thing to make for someone that doesn't eat animals. Or my sandwich making technique. I slice the tomatoes! Fascinating! I do feel that I may have some talent in the slicing department though.

We have to find a new tv show. It preferably should be shot in West Texas. Because I have this thing now where that's all I feel like watching on a screen. It will probably go away, these things always do. It's sort of how I get viruses. We are having a Marfa film festival soon at our house for all movies, all Marfa. On NPR today, they were interviewing the director of There Will Be Blood about shooting the movie and I had to sit in the feedstore parking lot to listen and get to the barn really late due to hearing about How To Burn an Oil Fire and Build Their Own Derrick, which are things you can do in West Texas. The feedstore border collie peed on my tire. I didn't care. I was too much thinking of building my own oil derrick and letting the dogs run around in the desert and eating meals from the Food Shark. And then I ran out of time to watch tv for you again.

We take a break from dog agility reporting for Marfa.

First deer says to the second deer-"Where could we possibly ever be safe? They would shoot us with assault rifles in the field. I think people in Marfa might have assault rifles too. And pretty soon, all the dog owners in California will carry them. You know, to defend themselves against the Rangers."

Second deer says to the first deer-"We would be safe inside the Marfadome. That's where. And I think there is a desert next door and room for the horses and dog agility and everyone to just run."

My husband says, with the look on his face that means You And Your Hairbrained Schemes, over his dead body would he ever move to Marfa. Normal people do not just move to Texas from California. Well, he also said No More Dogs and No More Taxidermy in the House.

In Marfa, you could just ride your horse forever.

Yesterday was a sunny Sunday with no dog shows or therapy dog trips to the nursing home or dog lessons. And no trips to Marfa, Texas. All would have been nice places to be. But here's a place you could go-to a dog agility birthday party! Especially to get your mind off of Marfa. Although, I will say just this. Yesterday JUST HAPPENS TO BE TEXAS INDEPENDANCE DAY. And Marfa also has unexplained ghostly lights ala X-files.


A dog agility friend had a party up at her house which is also a nature preserve in the mountains and also her dog agility yard of one giant, full size dog field and one slightly smaller one. Plus a meadow and woods and a creek. OK, wow!

So the dog agility was fun for about half of the guests, and birthday party entertainment ala puppet show or magician, for the other half. I am not sure how entertained they were. They may have wandered off at some point back to the house and we didn't even notice. But we sure had a good time running around some courses in her yard which is like a giant park. Also there was beer. And cake. And many dogs that were happy to do some practicing and run around in the meadow. And, how about this. An even ratio of border collies to small dogs. How often does that happen?


This party guest was very, very popular with all the dogs. I guess just small dogs. The border collies were busy working, not just surrounding people for food.


I believe this move is called the Peace, Man, Greg Derrett Threadle Hand. Dog Agility Tip-Because the dog is going to the tunnel. Not the dog walk. Greg Derrett hand says discriminate to the inside obstacle, not the outside one. Threadley!


In California, we can wear sandals to do agility!


They are waiting for 26" jumps to magically become 12". Even Gustavo got to do some little sequences. I had a glimpse of my trial future with him. Let's just say he will go out of his way to go into a tunnel. And was very fast but seemed to feel very comfortable being on the course and off the course. Like the forest and items surrounding the field were just more obstacles I was misdirecting him to. So a sequence for him was tire, tunnel, jump, forest, tunnel, jump, tunnel, tunnel, log, jump, straw bale, tunnel, forest. But it could all happen in the blink of an eye.

Also, a fashion tip. Here was a quandry. Party. Dog Agility. Party. There are few items of clothing that are non mutually exclusive to both things. But how about this. Good jeans with a dress over them and the dress is like a long t-shirt tunic? And non disgusting dog agility shoes and when you throw the dogs in the car so they do not attack the bbq you quick switch to clogs? Which are a sanctioned clothing item for parties in Santa Cruz County. Sorry Tim Gunn and Carson. But I am just working without a net here.

A Travelogue-Marfa, Texas.

Here is what I can tell you about Marfa.


It is in West Texas. Near the bottom of Texas, a nice drive across the desert down to Mexico. The population is 2400 and it is hard to get to. Hours from an airport. You drive across the desert to get there from anywhere. When movies want to say, Wide Open Spaces Type Desert Landscape, they sometimes use Marfa. Especially if the movie is starring Daniel Day Lewis or Sheriff Tommy Lee Jones because his giant ranch of cattle and polo ponies is there. Or near there. Do you remember the movie where Sheriff Ed Tom Jones has to drag the body of his friend across the desert into Mexico? Also Marfa.

Also, Tommy Lee Jones loves dogs, except we believe, through extensive research, that he loves catahoula dogs. And does not do dog agility. However, in an interesting twist, if you search on "dog agility" and "Tommy Lee Jones" on google together, guess what comes up? Team Small Dog. Not unlike Diablo Cody. Who I believe may not actually know Tommy Lee Jones, but who does have a dog.

Marfa also is an up and coming arts place. Which is odd yet thrilling. But if I am obsessed with it, then likely others are, others who are the types of people that actually up and move to their obsessed places and are happy living in the desert on their ranches. I up and moved to the desert once. I wanted to quit riding and go to graduate school. But I ended up dropping out of the MFA program and riding for a lady with her own little place and then moving back to California. But I did love the desert. I had these friends there, I can't remember their names. They were the friends of the guys in the Meat Puppets, who lived down the street from me. Somehow they ended up towing me out to the middle of nowhere all the time with them to spend all day walking around in the Superstition Mountains with them. Which was sometimes scarey because they also took a lot of drugs but somehow they never got us lost. They were nice. They all had really, really long hair. I still have scars in my leg from walking into cactus. I didn't have a dog then. That was a weird time, the Arizona time.

Um, hey all my famous artist friends. If you get invited to anything in Marfa, can I go as your date? Donald Judd bought the old Air Force Base and it is becoming an important center of contemporary art. In Marfa. Of course. It looks like you might have to drive far for dog agility trials if you live in Marfa. And make sure to scrape the cactus down good off your dirt where you are going to put your stuff. But it is temperate weather there and you will have lots of room! I already checked the real estate site. Everyone can probably afford to move to Marfa. I can definitely get a ranch there.

Not sure what Gary is going to think about all this. I have a feeling it will turn out like the time I thought we would move to Yucca Valley. Then it all burned up. It was very cheap there though and we could have beome retired people. We had a nice field trip for real estate viewing. We went to Pappy and Harriet's. Which actually Almost won Gary over. I wonder what the meth lab situation is in Marfa?