Cowboy monkey dog pony crack that teeter totter whip and hop and whiplash and pop.

You noticed that's Hobbes's face on Whiplash's dog, right? Now THAT's what I call a spirit animal.

This is Whiplash, the cowboy monkey. He loves him his whip. You guys all know him, right? He's not the only rodeo monkey out there, but he's the toughest. A capuchin monkey who rides the rodeo circuit in the midwest, and his string of border collies do a little sheepherding demo and Whiplash hangs on and picks up dirt clumps while his border collie races around. His monkey trainer says he loves it.

And, you guys all know Steve, the Agility Nerd, right? He has border collies, but I am pretty sure he does not have monkeys.

His nerdy project last week was researching teeter totter whip and hop. In his meticulous and well researched way, with videos and diagrams and links. Teeter ass slam fans, fearful teeter dogs, go there now to learn all about the whip. That I was calling the ass slam. And I probably still will. I didn't even know we had a real agility word for it.

http://agilitynerd.com/blog/agility/glossary/TeeterWhipHop.html

You will learn. It was really interesting. And, in one of his videos, it shows his border collie getting the whip in a trial on the EXACT same type of teeter that Gustavo got his ass slam that started us on this whole journey back to teeter square one.

And then, because I guess it's Teeter Week everywhere, Monica of Clean Run just put up all this new teeter info on Clean Run. Vici, the video queen, even sent her video clip of Gustavo's fateful ass slam, I mean whip, moment, but it's not in there. But other dogs, they get the whip and likely have similar results to Gustavo's.

So in all this teeter research, I also found there's other dog and monkey teams. The Ghost Riders do a whole drill team thing, in red white and blue suits. 4 border collies with 4 monkeys. And likely, there are people out there who just duct tape their monkeys on to dogs and let 'em rip. A hobby that probably involves big trucks and Budweiser and putting your cowboy hat over your heart and blessing George Bush out loud.

Oh wait. We were talking about teeter totters and whip and hop? Somehow, in my mind, I just can't get over Whiplash. And his dogs. The cowboy monkey dog ponies. In a real world of teeter retraining, and the future of the whip for Gustavo, my mind is just sort of stuck right now on Whiplash. Who is CLEARLY Gustavo's new spirit animal. In teensy, tiny little monkey chaps.

Teeter totters? That's how life is. You got your solid, quiet, aluminum ones with steady bases, your hollow core fiberglassers, and your plank on tubing. The reality is, every so often in life, you're gonna cross a whipper or a hopper and you just got to be ready to deal with it. Maybe the consequences suck, but you keep calm, carry on, and start again. What else you gonna do? Just deal with it, move on. I think that's the lesson Whiplash teaches us. If he wasn't busy eating bugs and picking up dirt clods from a speeding border collie saddle. Or maybe he doesn't. But hell. It's a monkey riding a border collie. Life goes on.

Project parka.

Sometimes, this is just what I look like.

OK. It just gets so sad sometimes, that it takes me a bit to get over it. Not my damp parka.

Last week Marion. This week Chris. When little crybaby face Ricky is still left standing.

Does it do this to me every season? There are always the ones I can't WAIT for to get the ax, like how much did you just want Vincent gone last season? And Daniel Franco made me barf. I wasn't sad to see Carmen's hair go last week. Although, that whole thing with mens' suits just seemed wrong and evil. But still. Goodbye Carmen's hair! I am sure you are nice ex model Carmen but Goodbye your hair!

I of course, blame it on Heidi. She said Marion's ugly fringe idea was dirty. Bitch. I KNOW Tim Gunn did not want them to make suits or use neon colors and fringe. Not when they had to face vicious talons of snarky Michael Kors and Donna Karan and that other one, Nina. I think I just love almost all the designers too much and I want them ALL to win. That might be some of my poor competitve spirit there. Can't we all just get along?

I had sort of liked Victoria up until this week. Even though Ricky was being completely lame, her attitude was poor and she is so not invited EVER to join Team Small Dog. Even with the fastest Jack Russell which she would probably train so well to beat the pants off of my dogs every time. Take that Victoria. Blackballed as of now. Even though she was the agility favorite with her arm strap holder dress. So not anymore.

I think Sweet P is the one who we could use for a team designer instead. Thanks Sweet P! Maybe you could work with Santino on some costumes once the season is all over, if you're not too busy. She's got to have a dog. She is not super skinny and is ok with things a little bit baggy. She jumped up and down like a monkey the time she got her mens pants to fit. She loves Elisa, yet is horrified by her. (By the way-Elisa, Karl did we know her from CalArts? Doesn't she seem familiar? Or was it just a lot of people somewhat like Elisa and I rolled them all into her?)

If Elisa was a dog, she would be Ruby. Otterpop would be Jillian. Actually, she might not be mean enough. But she seems closest to being the meanest one, Victoria is too anal to be an Otterpop. Although so is Jillian. Perhaps there is no Otterpop equivalent in Project Runway right now. Maybe Kit if she was all strung out on meth and had a pistol shooting rampage. That would work. Timmy would be Marion (come back Marion!) and Gustavo is clearly Christian but he would have to sew REALLY fast. I bet after Christian has a few cups of coffee, he is a dead ringer for Gustavo. You know. In case I ever needed team small dog to do a nice play called Project Runway as Interpreted by Team Small Dog. And I am not damn Heidi. That's for damn sure.

Great dog trick!

If I do it just right, I can get the 3 small dogs (this trick doesn't work for Timmy because he is deaf as a stapler) to start howling all together. This is a very popular trick with my neighbors and husband I am sure. Because they don't exactly howl like, you were probably just picturing, dog howling. Like coyote or a husky. No. Not team small dog. Otterpop starts, with her kind of whiney, sing-a-long voice. Gustavo is next, with a shrill, sputtering monkey sound mostly heard in dark rainforest jungles where you also find giant snakes. Ruby finishes it off, with an even higher, shriller, shrieking ear splitting harmony, perhaps the sound of a tortured baby. When you get all 3 going together, being little ego hogs, they raise the volume, and the overall effect is somewhere between horrific and chilling, like a drunken, off key singer is murdering babies and monkeys deep in the jungle and there is no way out. Great Trick!