In today's episode, we find some dogs that wear backpacks in the forest.

So we went for a walk in the forest today. Monday's my day off, mostly out walking in the forest on a Monday morning are gray haired ladies in capri pants with fanny packs that hold water bottles. At least in this forest. Do you ever see ladies like this? Maybe your forest different. Some of them hike with ski poles. They travel in packs for safety. Since sometimes other forest walkers can be on the creepy side. No Not Me! I fall somewhere between gray haired ladies and creepy forest dwellers.


I kept the dogs on leashes until we got to the part of the forest where there are fewer ladies out on their lady hikes. Once we get to the more foresty part, yeah, there might be deer to chase but less chance of running amuck into a gray haired lady posse. Do not want to be responsible for tipping over a gray haired lady in a fanny pack, ski pole propping her up or not.

So we get to the running amuck trail, and off they go, up and down the trail ahead of me then behind me then ahead of me then behind me then ahead of me to the side of me and ahead of me. Through poison oak, ferns, mud and redwood bramble. They are fast. At the top of the hill, near the spring box full of goldfish (it's a weird kind of forest, guys) I hear a loud voice command, "DOWN." Like Wow. Super commandy. Dog trainer?

I call my dogs. Something about that commandy voice is a danger will robinson business meaning voice. "DOGS!" Don't see anything yet, but small dogs are really happy to run back to me, and I see why as I make it up to the clearing. There's a lady with 2 german shepherds, on leashes, in downs. They look like maybe not regular pet german shepherds. They both have on backpacks, and big prong collars plus some other kind of chain collar plus those big heavy leather leashes that have a bunch of extra buckles. European perhaps? Europia?

Lady looks at me, and goes,"Whoa. I thought those were a bunch of forest creatures." She is tall and has nicely arranged blonde hair and is like if you were to commission an aryan statue of a lady german shepherd trainer, use her as the model.


For a second I think, Yes! My dogs have just been mistaken for forest creatures! This is a pleasant thought. Not sure why. Forest creatures! Like squirrels! Gnomes! Fruit bats!

But then I'm like, "Dogs come HERE!" Because her europia shepherds may be on a down, but there are definite snarling noises coming form somewhat snarly looking mouths. I should add here, I LOVE german shepherds. If I could have unlimited dogs, I would include a german shepherd. Charlie's old dog, Jake, was one of my favorite dogs ever. But he also did bite work with the cop guys, and I have seen some intense german shepherd bitey action in my time and take growling german shepherds with multiple leashes and collars and backpacks super serious.

She goes, "I'm staying here. Don't let them near these dogs." She is super calm and looks like she has perfect control of her 2 giant dogs but her 2 giant dogs look like they thought maybe perhaps were going to have a forest creature snack not 10 seconds ago. I am like oh my god. Total Heidi Klum moment. The statuesque blonde Europia lady with snarling backpack dogs directing traffic in the forest clearing.


I'm attaching leashes licketdy split going, "Okie dokie, this is their usual running place, I'm going to just grab 'em here and go down over there and let 'em go again?" I sort of say this questiony because I want to make sure she doesn't say something like I AM ABOUT TO LET MY GERMAN SHEPHERDS GO TOO AND LET'S SEE WHO WINS THAT ONE. Also this lady is sort of like the boss here of the forest clearing all of a sudden. I will do whatever she says. I just am trying to keep forest creatures from being snacks.

They all just stay there, motionless, as we fast walk by until out of sight and I snap off my little thin, non chainy leashes and off they go, back down the forest hill. Running amuck forest creatures again, through the redwoods, no german shepherds in pursuit. Never saw the Europia lady again.

But what was weird was later on, back in the more capri pant section of the forest, I have them back on leashes and here comes another lady with dogs wearing backpacks. And one is a pitbull type and the pitbull type one is clearly what we in the dog training world like to call Reactive.

I know reactive, because Ruby was reactive. Did you know that? A reactive 12 lb dog. I spent years training Ruby to look at the thing that bugged her (any other dog that existed in the universe) then at me then have a treat until that became the thing she did until she could walk somewhat near another dog then eventually walk on a leash among all dogs until she one day became a normal dog. She is 8 now. That took a long time. Was a long time I thought she would never be a dog who could go for a walk amongst other dogs. Be at an agility show, all those other dogs? Still amazes me how far she's come. Like can't get too upset when she melts down in Snookers when I think about how I never even was sure she'd be able to just go on a walk around my block. Sit near another dog. Go to the beach. Is hard and sad to have a dog like that.

I think that's what this lady thinks with her dog. Except she is trying to train a big pitbull that weighs WAY more than 12 lbs with the same problem and she has another big black dog and they are both wearing backpacks but she is no Heidi Klum. She is small and wears a bandana on her head and she is having a helluva time controlling the now totally freaking out dog. Who is freaking out in a pretty scarey way.

We're on a dirt path in a forest I should add. One side a cliff down, one side a steep hill up. I know when I was desensitizing Ruby, the best thing was other dog just marched by us ignoring us and was gone in a flash. Didn't stop, pause, backup, just walks on. So I am super cheerful, Lindsey Lohan checking out of Malibu rehab on a sunny day with new Louis Vuitton on her arm, "Come on dogs! YAY!" You guys, my agility friends, know that YAY! We say it all the time. YAY! Good dogs!


Bandana head girl at this point is wrestling pitbull on the cliff side of trail. Like it is making frantic screaming noises and she is sort of on top of it, trying to keep it from launching ballistic into small dog group trotting by. Big black dog sort of standing there, looking more baffled than anything. At least she has one good dog. My dogs definitely getting the whole forest creature snack potential opportunity vibe again and marching right by not even looking at pitbull listening to the YAY! and Otterpop does the hand target she is trained to do when she sees something that scares her, and Ruby bless her feral little heart, acts like she was born to do this and has her whole life.

So hey. Not sure what Cesar would say about this. German shepherd lady, not sure what your dogs' trip is, but you seem to have a system to handle it.

Pitbull lady, your hair all cute in the bandana. Here's what I did.
Dog Training Jargon Starts Now!

• Started with Ruby all by herself on a walk, with a pocket full of super treats. 
  
• Let her look at a dog, then back at me and used a clicker and clicked her for picking to watch me and get a treat. 
  
• When she could do it far from other dogs, got her closer and closer and just kept doing it. 
  
• Everywhere, all the time. 
  
• For like a year. Or two. Or more. Was kind of a huge project. 
  
• I know there's a book, Control Unleashed by Leslie McDevitt, that has way better tactics and exercises. 
  

And I know my evil, snarling attacking tasmanian devil on the end of the leash only weighed 12lbs. And maybe some dogs never snap out of it, or maybe not enough. I know Ruby turned into a Sister Mary Ruby finally and is on her way to being Ruby Best Dog someday. But I feel your pain. And thanks for being a damn good dog wrestler.

Recall training-a primer.

Today we took the dogs hiking in the forest. You're not supposed to have dogs in the forest, but you know me and my lawbreaking ways when I want to walk my dogs. It's the forest that you get to by parking your car at the No Dogs Allowed University, then hiking through the No Dogs Allowed cattle pastures, then down a hill to the river, then up a hill to where the trails get more narrow and the terrain darker and more redwoody and far from everyone else. Where still No Dogs Allowed but no one around in there to really care.

We used to take Timmy there a lot. Gary remembers hiking in there with him in the pouring rain once, but I don't. You cross the river over a narrow log way high up over the water, although in the summer it's a trickle of a creek and we just hopped on rocks through it so the dogs could drink and splash around some.

So you remember I had some dog chasing deer problems up in Boonenville. Ending in Ruby getting kicked by the deer after it had enough of being ambushed by dogs the size of loaves of bread made of gentle forest gnomes. Bad dogs. Never had livestock or deer chasing dogs before. Skimboarders, yes. Deer? Sure they might go off on a short dash for a second, then good dogs always come back when they're called. I have trained dogs. I think. Right? They know how to get up on that table and lay still for 5 seconds, that counts for something doesn't it?


So while hiking, we saw this. Or heard it first. A scenic deer family quietly munching lichen or twigs or whatever it is deer eat in the dark forest.


And when the deer heard us, off they went. Up a vertical, steep slope that looks like it went on forever. Because we are deep in the forest here. If there were hobbits or enchanted woodcutter cottages or witches covens, this is the part of the forest they would be in.


And two bad dogs went off in pursuit. Straight up the forest cliff wall, like bolts of tiny lightning.


One dog was a good dog. Ruby seems to recall the deer kick incident as being somewhat of a negative experience and decided to not go off on the hunt.

The two bad dogs, seem to recall the last deer incident as the funnest thing in the world. More fun than joining the whole Love Boat gang on the Love Boat reunion tour with Isaac's bar open the whole time and free tattoos by acclaimed tattooers all night. More fun than any activity planned by Cruise Director Julie, even on Dog Agility Casino Nite. And in a flash, just like that, they were gone. Tiny little dots of black running up the redwood cliff and away.


I was not happy. I sat there and waited a long time, whistling so they would find the sound and head back. And they did. Maybe not even gone that long. Come flying down this cliff through logs and trees and brush and stickers, straight down the mountainside they did run. Roped 'em up and marched 'em out of the dark forest. When got back up to the meadow, let them loose again to get some more running done. Good dogs for a while, then heard another deer. Rinse, repeat, rinse, repeat. Same exact scenario, two bad dogs I believe chased them all the way back down to the river before running back up to us.

So I now have 2 confirmed deer chasing dogs. I believe I read things on the internet and in dog books about how good dogs, meaning trained dogs, always come when called. Even when there are deer or skunks or lions or elephants or goblins, pick your poison. I think my dogs used to do this. And now they don't. We don't visit the forest too often, so it's not like they chase goats and I have pet goats and I can implement a carefully planned, step by step training program about goat chasing. Shock collars likely take care of this but I couldn't bear the thought. So maybe I don't have forest hiking dogs anymore. So much for good dog training skills.

Another cute and useful dog trick to learn.

I hate shopping a lot. I hate malls, I hate selecting items, I hate trying things on. I would like a stylist to show up at my house with a boatload of clothes, and just throw ones at me that will fit and look real nice, and send me a bill. In lieu of that, there is ebay and there is the internet and there is using your dogs to do useful things for you. Let's take shoe ordering as a great trick you can teach your dogs to do for you.


Product Placement Zappos.com, an online shoe store that should sponsor Team Small Dog sells Navy Blue Slip On Vans, is so easy that even a dog can order you shoes and get them sent to you the very next day. It helps if you know your size and all that, and since I've worn this exact shoe since like age 13 which would be for 29 a few years or so, it is really easy to just type in Navy Blue Slip On Vans and here they come to your house. Or Red Goretex Trail Running shoes, or whatever kind of shoe it is you need. The thing you might like about Navy Blue Slip On Vans is they go with everything. Navy is a neutral, goes with jeans, skorts, shorts, dresses, whatever you want. Brown, black, camo, they all look good with Navy shoes. But make sure if you are wearing Vans with a dress you live in a surfish town like Santa Cruz or Hermosa Beach and there are no holes in them and not too fadey. And the bottoms are more for skateboarding than for dog agility so just be careful if you are doing a lot of running that day. Have your Red Goretex ones close by.


So I never really taught the dogs how to use the internet, but the other day, I sprouted a hole in the toe of the most recent pair of Product Placement Navy Blue Slip On Vans. So Gustavo, he can be hard to teach things like regular dog stuff, but he likes to sit at the desk, so I tried to see if he could figure out the super easy Product Placement Zappos.com website. Such clear usability! Easy to navigate, clean, simple design. No frills, lots of ways to search. Great product reviews, selection and product photography. Like here's a tagline for you Zappos.com, my new friend that I hope you are reading this and thinking let's give her a bunch of Men's Size 7.5 Slip on Vans in EVERY COLOR and THE ONES WITH THE FLOWERS AND SKULLS - So Easy Even Gustavo Can Use It!


In the end, he needed a little help. That's why we have Otterpop. Also she was the one that knows how to use the credit card. Maybe we never get him actually ordering off the internet but we'll try just checking email or bezier curves or something even easier next time I decide to teach him a new trick. Or we go back to that High Five that he's still trying to figure out. And actually start his Turn-Tunnel. Otterpop, please keep track of any purchases you guys make on that card, is all I ask of you.

This is sort of like a really quiet musical theater production but not really.

Well, since I said Ruby could be on vacation, it wasn't really fair to make her pose for pictures. And then, if I wanted to show you what we did on my day off, it wouldn't be fair to do that without Ruby. So I just hired actors to stand in for the whole team to show you and so I wouldn't be playing favorites between dogs. That's not good pack management. You can see how many training opportunities I have to work on good manners just in a basic day off around the house. See, I am a good dog training example! But, as a disclaimer to all those dog training students out there, I don't recommend always using hired stand-ins for training the real dogs. Just for special occasions.


So you know, they all eat breakfast together. Everyone has to wait patiently until all the food bowls are filled to eat.


Timmy has to get all his pills. He doesn't have to do any tricks or anything for them.


Ruby and Otterpop totally climb on the little foot stool and do tricks while I give Timmy his pills. They are operant dogs. Gustavo is somewhere else. Maybe not so operant.


Took a walk. It would be neat if everyone walked quietly on a leash and didn't pull.


Then Timmy just goes back to sleep for the most part.


Some of them like to hang out in the bathroom when I take a shower. I'm not sure if that is good or bad dog manners or not? Does Cesar Millan do that?


We had to do errands. They ride nicely in their crates. Thanks Susan Garrett's Crate Games!


I had a bunch of office work to do so the small dogs all just slept quietly on the couch. Until it was mailman time.


Otterpop has a total mailman fetish. She waits here like a stealth assassin.


And when he comes, she sounds like she is going in for the kill. I wish you could hear the barking.


Augh. This is a bad habit. Good dog trainers do not let their dogs bark at mailmen.


At some point during the day, I realized, wow, it SO MUCH EASIER to work with the actors than the real dogs! Like for stuff like toenails!


They spent a lot of the day outside. Hey is that their border collie pals Hobbes and Fate? Of course not. They live in Salinas and Otterpop hates border collies. Can't hire actors for every dog I know. Those are just fake deer.


Otterpop won't give anyone the tennis ball.


And they all start digging holes again. Bad, bad dogs.


For agility practice, I LOVED working with the actors. Like look at Ruby and Otterpop just sitting so quietly while Gustavo practices his contact!


Gustavo worked on his poles.


Everyone did some tables. And we called it a day.

We are having an accessory crisis here.

What is the best thing to do if it's a Sunday and there is no dog show and your taxes need to get DONE like last Friday?

Go out to breakfast!

We went up to Davenport. It's a teensy town of population 200 about 10 minutes up the coast with 2 places to eat, and a beach that not a lot of people go to, usually just some drunk guys and marine biologist types, and where dogs aren't criminals.

We can't take Timmy anymore. Blind, demented, waves and high cliffs don't mix. We had to wait until he was asleep (easy) and sneak out of the house. Poor Timmy.


At low tide, there's even a cave. It was high tide at breakfast time. It's the time change. I have no idea what time it was. It actually may have been the afternoon. I forget what the difference is of new time and real time. I was hungry though.


The beach is a good place for dog games because the sticks are plentiful, and aka Seaweed. They are Otterpop's favorite size. The biggest size.


It is even like dog training to go to the beach. They are on a down stay so I can extract the stick from the jaws that are Otterpop and throw it again. No beach would be the biggest problem of Marfa.

In this episode, we sense that there is some running out of time.

So if you are self employed, but you work tons and tons and drive far to get to where you work (sort of like it's a commute!), then is it a job or you are just doin' what you love? Even if you find yourself muttering about goddamn horses a lot of the time?

And your dogs are in jail the whole time and you are not training them, do the agility police find out? And then, you get reported to Susan Garrett or what?

Also what is the dirt threshold on dirt inside a house before the IRS comes and audits the piles of papers that someday have to be curated into "taxes"?

And grammarians do their ruling on where the puncuation goes, either inside the quotes or out and when you are just typing in the internet, you can't even specify the smart quotes?

And is ANY of that going to save the polar bears or is it just making it a whole lot worse?

Just some questions to leave you pondering today.