Hello and welcome to the movie Avatar, which has at least 14 strikes against it, yet which, inexplicably, I loved even though giant blue cat aliens.

So if you were to tell me I would like a movie that starred giant, blue Smurf Cats in the future, created by Computer Graphics, I would say, ha HA. I am a lot smarter than that and never.

Then if you said was one of those bad white guy military industrial complex with racist overtones about the natureyness of the Other and the Myth of the Noble Savage, I'd be all, yeah right. Been there, done that. Would rather stay home and scrub grout.

And then if you said it was made by James Cameron and was kind of like Dances with Titanic Jurassic Wolves by Willy Wonka the Lost Lion King, I would probably just barf, right then and there. Oh, James Cameron. You and your buckets of money do floweth straight to the weepy noodle bowl of barfiness.

Except I was curious. Maybe, you are like me. Typical dog agility lady. Very, very busy trying to stay dry in the rain at work and keep up with life and you don't have time to go see a super long blockbuster movie plus you hate the popcorn and wall treatments at the blockbuster movie theater. The ceiling. It makes your eyes BLEED to go to that movie theater.

Except every single person you know is all, Go See Avatar! Go See Avatar!

They say it with a fervor. Like even the dentist. With a fervor.

Which is weird because they are all in consensus. There is no dissent. Everyone loves this movie.

Assuming there are some of you out there like me that slipped through the cracks (Susan Garrett, you are a busy dog agility lady. Did you go see this movie?), here is my take on it that will not spoil anything and then maybe you will come and see it with me at the even fancier movie theater on the other side of the mountain with the Imax 3D because that's where I'm headed next.


Right? Because I am going to see a movie again, perhaps even drive over a damp and stormy mountain to do so, which, on paper, sounds like the worst movie ever.

Michelle Rodriguez is a bad ass terminator airship pilot in the future. Earth is wiped out and the military/corporate bad guys including that little asshole from Entourage need to strip mine the happy treeland of the blue giant cat people in space. Ripley is there and she yells a lot and we can't tell if she's had face work or not. When the marine wakes up from the space journey to the future he looks somewhat like an Australian Greg Derrett and talks in very short sentences.

There is no dog agility in the smurf animal world, instead hair plugs are used for much day-glo forest frolicking and super easiest animal training ever. Many animals try to eat people! Then it is going to go boy meets girl loses girl and so forth for a while and there will be napping in the gel cushioned pods until the super rad mega battle led by Australian Greg Derrett now disguised as the blue guy and noble savage themes abound and before you know it you have to pee and you were just in the movies for good god, almost 3 hours AND YOU DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE.

This is from someone who routinely falls asleep in the movies and prefers rockumentaries or films shot In Marfa, Texas or directed by Harmony Korine or where Madonna sings her way through Argentinian dictatorship. In that order. There is no logical reason why anyone should enjoy this movie. All points, stacked against it. Yet, I still tell you, I think you will like this movie.

Team Small Dog reviews Sherlock Holmes starring Robert Downey Jr. for all the dog agility ladies and everybody else, too.

So it starts out like this. Robert Downey Jr. is my boyfriend. No, wait. He's Dr. Watson Jude Law's boyfriend. No, wait. He's criminal mastermind super foxy lady's boyfriend. And can she wear a mean Victorian inspired frock. No, wait. The answer is, Robert Downey Jr. is my new dog agility boyfriend.

He lives in a giant Victorian mansion with his other boyfriend Dr. Jude Watson Law and does experiments on their big fat bulldog. There are many dogs in this movie and I will tell you right now. Not one of them dies! If you are an animal rights fan, you will not like it that he does experiments on the bulldog, but you already know it won't die, so no underpants in any wads, righty-o? And since Robert Downey Jr. is my boyfriend, I am ok with all the experiments because, guess what? It will help us solve the mystery!

Look for circus dogs! Beggar dogs! Fancy dog walking dogs! A fair amount of dogs in this movie, and how much do we love it that no dogs will die. Many horse points, too.

The mystery involves Satan taking over the world, which would obviously be a super ginormous bummer so luckily my boyfriend is handling it. None of the black magic voodoo devil worshipers have dogs. They do have big black cloaks though. Here is a clue. Pay special attention to Satanic footwear.

During which you will be treated to such sights as:

• A Victorian lab with taxidermy diorama domes and much taxidermy equipment which will be used to solve the mystery!
• Robert Downey Jr. uses slow motion brain-cam to help solve crimes and beat up bad guys, and let me tell you. This slow motion brain-cam, applied to agility, would eliminate all E's from screeeeming monkeeeee agility forever!
• Lots of wall writing interior decor. If you enjoy handwritten and carved walls, you will like this movie.
• Robert Downey Jr.'s rippling abs which make you wonder, can the guy ever eat anything but salad and if I eat salad for 3 months, can I have such rippling abs?
• Lots of heavy chains and wood! Boats! Horses! Weird teeth!

Robert Downey Jr. is a super sleuth, obviously, he's Sherlock Holmes, and he figures out a very, puzzling mystery by the end of the movie. With a mind like Robert Downey Jr.'s, the USDAA would totally know where the Nationals are going to happen in 2010. Mystery, solved! But this is why Robert Downey Jr. is my new dog agility boyfriend, and not Mr. Ken Tatsch.

I believe Robert Downy Jr. would enjoy UKI Agility, anyways, based on all the London-y things you will see in this movie. Much twisty, turny, Euro-challenge intrigue. Not sure if director Guy Ritchie knows Greg Derrett? Anyone know? Cheery-o.

Many opportunities for practicing talking with your British accents after this movie. Which might also be helpful for UKI Agility. Unless your accent comes out sort of Canadian sounding. Which could be useful for hanging out with Susan Garrett? Unless, is it sort of offensive to talk with people from other ethnicities such as Canadian in fake accents? Because I am getting really good at saying About in Canadian. Like this. A Boot. And in UKI. A butt. Practice makes perfect, righty-o!

Anyways. Many thumbs up and everyone, I hope you like the movie.

Every day with Team Small Dog offers a certain amount of paranormal activity.

You guys seen the movie, Paranormal Activity? We saw it. I'm not saying nothin' about it. Except it is REALLY scarey.

Hold on.





What WAS that?


Holy crap.

Team Small Dog Reviews the movie Milk, even though you've already seen it.

Sometimes, we are very ahead of the curve. So fashion forward, that we are years and years ahead of what is going to miraculously pop up in style after we're over it. Like remember that time Grunge Wear was super fashionable and we had been wearing it for like, YEARS? Or how chunky goretex sneakers and saggy jeans with down vests are coming into style in about 3 years from now, mark my words? Other times, blissfully unaware of the style, such as super tall boots with high heels which we are now aware of and forgot to buy. Other times, just behind. Which is why we didn't make it to see the movie Milk until after it won it's Oscars.

Was on the to-do list but having a super busy schedule of falling asleep at 9pm on the living room couch really puts a damper on going to the movies. However, finally saw it. You know, that whole Sean Penn kicking Mickey Rourke ass in Oscars inspired me chug a gigantic, caffeine and sugar laden coke for dinner and off we went. Leaving the dogs to listen to the new idea for calm, stress free, non howling dogs when we leave of Classical Music on the radio. Totally weird, leaving the house and cranking up the Classical Music radio station. Didn't even know there was such a thing. Hope you enjoyed those violinic symphonic sounds, dogs.

You already saw this movie, every single one of you, I'm sure, so do I need to review it? You already told me how good all the acting was. And you saw lots of San Francisco and Sean Penn with a New York accent and Josh Brolin who was the good guy in No Country for Old Men but has the bad assassin guy hair from that movie in this movie where he is the deranged bad guy! And all the super '70's clothes which is maybe my favorite era of fashion design. Mustaches, stripes and denim all around. That whole Anita Bryant thing which I remember, even, but not sure in junior high was clued into the fact that it was a Major Civil Rights upheaval. Just remember this thing that Anita Bryant was evil and wanted to fire all my teachers. Not sure if I thought that because all my teachers were gay or I had the facts wrong in the '70's but there you go.

All the stars of this movie are great. Sean Penn, super genius usually. Although who totally irritated when he was a director with that stinker of a movie Into the Wild. Just be super genius actor and beater upper of papparrazzi, Sean Penn. James Franco, super adorable. He was one of my students a long time ago, teaching a digital media class at Cal Arts Summer School. Digital media, not his thing. One day, fell asleep at his computer. So we gathered every single student around him and just sat there staring at him for the longest time until he woke up. Sorry, James Franco. Glad that helped you not become a computer geek, making your little pictures in photoshop half heartedly and you moved out of art school on to bigger and better things. But always knew how to get away with anything from that super adorable smiley face you make. Emile Hirsch, super irritating as the guy who dies in the bus in Alaska being directed by irritating director Sean Penn, but super awesome in this movie.

Gus Van Sant, who kind of looked like Dan White at the Oscars, some of his older movies, my favorite movies ever. Very apt timing somehow of getting this movie to come out during another big civil rights travesty for gays. All the flash back and forward old San Francisco to now San Francisco totally creepy, because even though this is basically an inspiring, heartwarming film about a tragic murder, still showing that there's some super messed up values in our country when it comes to basic, human rights. Milk, as a movie, sort of more basic of a movie with occasional cheesy moments, but that was ok. Because there might be some parts of the country, Anita Bryant land, where cheesy moments make movies about gay rights come across more warm and fuzzy and palatable to an audience that votes with their movie ticket monies and usually prefers CheeWowWow movies.

On the dog agility lady scale, there are very few ladies, and very few dogs in this movie. There is the Glinda the Good Witch lesbian campaign director who appears in her magic bubble and totally works magic and helps Sean Penn win office. And you do get a lot of scary Anita Bryant footage that you might even remember from tv, and in the beginning you see that Sean Penn and James Franco have a dog and then it vanishes. Most people in San Francisco have dogs I think, so you just figure it's out with the dog walker a bunch. Can't tell you to go see this movie because you already did, but I just decided I would write a review because it's a really good movie. And, fyi, the classical music station my new thing for leaving the dogs at night because was ZERO howling when we got home. Possibly a coincidence, possible from them being bored to tears into sleep, but there's a little dog training hint for you, thanks to Milk.

Hello and Welcome to The Wrestler.

The Wrestler is a movie where you will not see any dogs. Not a single dog, anywhere. However. When Mickey Rourke won a Golden Globe for fine acting last week, one of the people he thanked, in his graphite purple satin suit and Steven Tyler scarf, were his dogs. He has 7 chihuahuas. Rock on Mickey, mumbling, "Sometimes when a man is alone, that's all you've got is your dog." Dogs or no dogs on screen itself, you might like this movie, or at least Mickey Rourke as Randy the Ram.

You will have to understand a few things. One is that you might see a lot of sharp things gouged into skin, drawing not just dribblets of blood but thick, steady streams of it. You will learn something new about wrestling I suspect you didn't know before. And that Mickey Rourke, who calls himself Randy the Ram but is named actually Robin Ramzinski, in the movie, fancies himself an Axl Rose in a Dee Schneider, post metal-post rehab sort of way. Banged up and cheaply blonded and puffed up and sliced up. Remember when Axl Rose got his work done and it was so confusing to see him, all puffy yet with new pointy bits? Hair tied up in a little knot, and his duct taped down jacket which causes you not to picture a Sartorialist caption saying, Grunge Layering with Tape, New Jersey. But something about the heavy breathing mic they keep on him the whole time, and his unlaced boots, makes you like him even more. Most of the time.

It's a story about f***ing up and trying to do ok. You can probably sort of guess how it goes. Nothing new there. A van down by the river and steroids and sparkly spandex tights with appliques. Been there, done that. You will see Marissa Tomei with no clothes a lot, so if strippers are not your thing I would say between that and a lot of sharp things in the skin maybe you wouldn't want to go to this movie. However, you could also learn things about stripper panties and how they stay attached to bottoms, and how wrestlers chit chat before their events. Sort of how you will learn new things about staple guns and bashing stuff with prosthetic legs.

I would say as a movie, overall, it is mostly sad and a story you already know. If instead, you go watch for a couple hours of Mickey Rourke's low grunty breathing, and shuffling, painful walk, banged up, drugged up face, and wonder how just a quick flick of a hearing aid can make you almost cry, this is quite an amazing thing. Wait til you go to the lonliest autograph signing with him in the American Legion Hall. Really, the whole movie is about looking at that face, so close up, like all his chihuahuas see at home.

Hello and today we review the movie Slumdog Millionaire.

Well. You've all heard about this movie because it's the kind of movie that has something for everyone. Slums! Dogs! Millionaires! Even my dad liked this movie!

It is also a good movie to see at a movie theater close to your house because possibly your husband loses the only key to his car either before, during or after arriving at the movie in the car, and you may be walking home. Hopefully you wore sturdy boots and not high heels! And a warm hat! And good pants for crawling around on a sticky movie theater floor with a flashlight looking for keys.

These antics pale in comparison to the hijinks of orphans Jamal and Salim in Mumbai. The director is the same guy that made Trainspotting, one of my most favorite movies ever. His name is Danny! Sort of like you cross City of God except not in Brazil with a No Doubt video except no blondes or ska music and let Baz Luhrman fetch tea and help out with color coordinating. Tea fetchers in India are called Chai Wallahs. There are trains and taj mahals and cute kids and horrible poverty. I'm not kidding about something for everyone. It sort of scooches genres together and there is love and there is hate and there is suspense and there are sex slaves and literary references and one big dance scene with bright yellow scarves fluttering in the background. It's not highbrow, yet not lowbrow. Sort of unibrow, but in a peppy way.

Slums: Many. Dirty. Big. Includes chase scenes.

Dogs: Some. Not one dies at all during this movie. If you want to see a movie where the dog doesn't die, this is totally your movie.

Millionaires: So not spoiling the fun for you if you didn't see this movie already. But I keep seeing it refered to as The Feel Good Movie of the Year. Just saying.

Closing Credit Titles: You know the typeface I use when I caption photos here most of the time? Type snobs, you totally recognize good old House Gothic Three Bold, total old school House Industries face with little roofs and descenders added on. Oh my god! Don't you love it when you see type you love repurposed? Who else recognized that typeface?

Can you bring your kids: Do they like torture by the police? Do you want them to learn how to hang upside down from a train roof with a rope? Did they like Bambi? If you answered yes and you don't have handgun rules around your house, then bring your kids!

Can you bring your dog: Can you get it into a tote bag?

Actors: Super cute kids that grow up into super foxy super stars. Plus some other actors too. I think they are all from India. And tons and tons of extras so you can see what it looks like inside a call center and on busy streets in India. I think they all did a fine job. Look happy! Look sad! Look scared! Look lovey! Run!

So maybe not like totally deep, but look who is writing your review. Just go see it, you will like it.

I'm not kidding-today I review Beverly Hills Chihuahua.

Today we will call the Day I Said Black Beauty is Here to Stay. To celebrate, I decided I should take BB to the movies because there is a new movie out called Beverly Hills Chihuahua. We are highly suspect of this movie, being a Disney movie about a pampered chihuahua that learns about the school of hard knocks in down and out Mexico then makes it's way back. Starring Drew Barrymore as chihuahua voice. Oh my god. I am sure it will make me cry, but be totally pissed off about racist and classist gender stereotypes and cliches the whole entire time. Disney, dude. They know how to stick that fork in and twist hard. Economic crisis, country gone to shit, but we can have a talking dog movie!

But this is one of the reasons I'm keeping BB. She's a political analyst. Always good to have that point of view for film reviews. Is that a good reason to keep a dog?


So first thing. On a day off when the list of things to do is a whole page long, there is laundry EVERYWHERE, the house is a mess, the refrigerator's broken and there's no food in the house, is to find a tote bag to sneak Black Beauty into the movies. We don't have no fancy dog riding totes around here. Timmy sometimes used an old duffle bag to get snuck into places, but like I could ever stick any of the regular TSD into bags. God save us from that wrath which would ensue.


I figured, it's sort of genetic, right? Chihuahuas like tote bags and sweaters. Comes hard coded? Let's try the fake Marc Jacobs 2004 bag from Target. A bit worn, but exact chihuahua size.

After a bit of a struggle, clear BB not riding in a tote. Ha HA is what she says. I am small and mighty. Now that you decided I am Your Dog, I am ready to start showing you this true chihuahua fact. Tote bag dog my ass. You go and stuff THAT in your tote bag. Just like when Sarah Palin starts baring those scarey little shark fangs she keeps hidden in there.

Oh man. What have I done? Scrappy little feral chihuahua is her hard coding. Remember the evil, feral thing I rescued from that pen 3 weeks ago and how I had to use welding gloves? Sorry Black Beauty. No more tote bags ever again.

Anyone else? Not even going to try Ruby or Gustavo. Just have a feeling. Save their struggles for toenail clipping, another thing on the list of stuff I should be doing today that isn't going to Disney chihuahua movies.


Otterpop?


Oh my god. Poor Otterpop. Who the hell carries dogs around in tote bags anyways? Nevermind. She'd start howling in a dog movie at some point even though I probably could drag her in there, pathetic trooper that she is. Not dragging Otterpop into a movie theater. And she's hella heavy.


So went solo. Can't exactly call anyone up and see if they want to go see a movie like Beverly Hills Chihuahua. Which was fine. Because after endless previews of movies with various animated mice, lions, penguins and a 3-D John Travolta voiced super hero white dog on a sobby cross country journey, within a few minutes I realized as much as I wanted to hate this Disney formula'ed, cliche piece of dog fluff, I couldn't. Completely genius trained dogs with subtly animated mouths that make them just act like dogs except they are talking and carrying the film. The gay pug. The landscaper's Otterpop. The statuesque working police GSD. Mexican street dogs with hearts of gold. Every time a dog frees the other dogs from cages (lots of those kind of situations come up, remember Disney formula of danger and evil always get their due) I almost start weeping. No dog good deed goes undone.

Human actors? Whatever. Jamie Lee Curtis making some bank, a guy that looks like Sayid from Lost, a guy that looks like Gabriel Garcia Bernal. Ho hum. It's all about the dogs. Like when the train scene happens and we think the boxcar chihuahua might roll away without the GSD, tears are just running down my face. Oh my god. I can't take notes anymore. GSD gallops back to the boxcar and jumps in. Just think of any Disney movie, but make the dogs look like they are really talking. I am not kidding you here. The best talking dogs I have ever seen on film. I am the biggest sucker for talking dog movies. I keep f*ing weeping. Am trying to hate the film for it's trite Julia Roberts Pretty Woman bathtub scene and bad writing and dog hats and racist stereotypes, and then the Mighty Chihuahua Army from the Aztec temple ruin saves the dogs from the mountain lions and gives a lecture on how they aren't damn purse dogs. Right? Completely insane. Loved.


Except they don't say damn. Think Disney here.

We know the dog isn't dead at the end because I've lived through 43 years of this Disney crap. I refuse to cry again. We know that cop dogs don't usually do dog agility in a grassy park by the cruise ship near a talking iguana. We know that the dog will find her way home, unharmed. We know the street dogs will all end up with good homes and that Cheech Marin isn't really a rat. But I can't fume and rant about this movie because I could not take my eyes off the dog expressions and amazing dog training that made these dogs carry the whole film.


And to think I tried to shove poor Black Beauty in a bag to drag her along with me. Instead she got to lay around in the dirt with the other dogs all afternoon, listening to Wilco. And then I decided maybe I want to quit horses and get a job training dogs to do weirdo things for the movies. Going out right now to work on Black Beauty's sit. And someone's weave poles. Maybe pull that skateboard back out of storage for a new skateboard trick. A team of circus dogs, anyone?

I watched Sex and the City so you don't have to.

Where do I start, my dog agility friends? These were my old friends, we used to drink Cosmo's together and totter around the city on our super high heels. We went our separate ways for a while, grew older and got some wrinkles, some of us got more dogs, and now we are back together in a sparkly and shiney movie FILLED WITH SUPER EXPENSIVE YET COMPLETELY INSANE CLOTHES!

How do I explain it to you, in terms that are clear and consistent, and we can all relate to? And no more Derrida. Ever. How about, let's pretend we are at a dog agility trial, it is the USDAA Nationals. And we all have our own motorhomes, the biggest, fastest, wood paneled and air conditioned motorhomes, with little pools for the dogs out front and we park them all together and we have butlers to fix the dogs snacks and spray them down with cooling mists. We actually have minions of servants to do everything for us and bring us frosty margaritas on gold plated trays. We might fret and fuss about not getting a Q, we might get cranky, but we can always retire to our motorhomes, have another cocktail and a good laugh. And we are there for each other, that's what's important, Right?

Then, one of the popular dogs who is supposed to be in the Big $10,000 Steeplechase Finals gets a sore foot, and we are all boo hoo hoo and some people are like, so what? And there is a lot of crying and weeping but you know what, we are there for each other. And that dog dies a slow and awful death. But we go on vacation and shopping and buy tons of new Skorts! And goretex shoes and slip-on Vans with every pattern known to mankind and have a cocktail. And we have flat stomachs! And then there is some more shopping and some of the friends get in a little fight but then we go shopping again. And eat in a lot of restaurants that only serve food on large square plates and order not one but 2 bottles of wine whenever we want! And buy new motorhomes that are decorated inside by Ralph Lauren with orignal Hopi woven fabrics and furniture made by glueing millions of tiny sticks on things.

That sort of goes on and on. And then, there is what some of you might think is a happy ending, because the dog didn't really die, HA HA on you in case you were weeping over that sore foot dog. It is all BETTER now! I was thinking the end was sort of all wrong and Carrie should have turned out to be a heroin addict. And Samantha gets terminal cancer and is an alcoholic and Miranda becomes the defense lawyer for some members of the Bush family and has to write briefs about how they have Nothing To Do With The Oil Prices, and Charlotte, she is just Charlotte except maybe her kids have horrible behavior problems and she becomes inconsolable with her beautiful, popping brown eyes and she starts getting fat and becomes addicted to a seedy chatroom and never comes off that computer.

Oh Carrie Bradshaw. You are so beautiful and you wear so many things we could have worn for dog agility. And you used to write such neat little voiceovers for every episode where there was some kind of moral for every little story about shopping excesses and love gone sour. You are my writing inspiration, you sit there typing on your silver laptop computer just like mine, in your argyle thigh high stockings stretched over your long ballerina legs. And you have long and messy hair which looks artful, even when you wear a turquoise bird on the side of it. But you kind of pulled a stinker here with this one, like we live in an economy today where we think it's funny to watch 4 rich and vapid ladies the exact same age as me frolic around, flaunting your riches and excesses and partying like it's 1985 and you love Ronald Reagan. Or like you are all Scarlett Ohara's, you and your friends, before Atlanta burns, and you are really nice to what you heard was the "hired" help, and on a special occasion, you buy them a special handbag, one that you already have to keep your dog treats in.

I don't have words to give this a title.

When Timmy walks, his legs don't bend anymore. So the reason he shuffles is he moves each leg very slowly at the shoulder and either slides it across the ground or lifts it an impercetible height, brings it forward, and lowers it down and ahead. This takes a long time to do, and when he is doing it to spin in tiny circles for no reason I can figure it out, gives the impression of a little toy bear that is short circuiting in some kiosk at a second rate mall with dirty tile floors but no one can figure out how to turn off so they just let it stay on. Not great advertising for those little toy bears but it's that kind of mall. He spins, gently bumps in to a wall or piece of furniture or a planter, redirects like a pin ball in the slowest and most broken and dusty pin ball machine that no one ever uses tucked into a corner at a desert roadhouse under the taxidermy, and begins to spin again. To lay down, he finds a patch of slick floor and just lets his legs slide and fall, and he goes down with a thump. It's almost graceful for a moment, a short legged ballerina covered in pee stained black fur, then he hits hard, and sighs, and rests in a heavy way, eyes open but we believe to be asleep.

We saw a movie last night called the Visitor, about a depressed and lonely man in New York who becomes a really good friend under weird and sort of improbable circumstances. The man's name is Walter and he reminded me a little of Timmy in his quietness and politeness and slow, robot ways and I think you might like this movie, you will look the other way when it gets shallow and contrived because you like the characters. It involves guys sitting around drumming in the park which, if you are driven crazy by all the guys drumming in the park and the street in Santa Cruz, involves a suspension of reality and irritation for a bit to make sure you like the drummers in the movie because they're the good guys, not the irritating, balding hippies that make your ears bleed here. I liked the movie, drummers and all, and didn't come anywhere near to falling asleep in it, even though I was stressed out about leaving Timmy alone at night since he had never wanted to get up to eat dinner or take his walk to the corner and back.

The movie didn't have a happy ending, I'll tell you that now because I'm that kind of person, but I won't tell you why. Our friend Walter, who is bald in a very touching way, doesn't die in the movie though. No one does. Not that kind of ending. It was one of those hard endings with a bit of redemption and renewing, but in a saddish way because of US government immigration policies. So a bit of happy but a bigger bit of sad. A great shot at the end sums up that kind of ending neatly and elegantly and then the screen goes back and you go home and make sure Timmy is ok. Which he was. I got him to eat some dinner and he had not had an accident and seemed content to be left with all his dogs.

I guess I should tell you I am trying to make sure Timmy does as many things as he used to like right now. I will take him up to Pogonip today and carry him out a ways into the meadow and let him stand there. He'll have some pancakes. I just sit with him when he rests and put my hand under his head. I guess I should tell you I don't believe that his life is measured in years or months any longer. I believe that it is measured in days right now. I can't count them, I don't know how many there are. But it is probably a number that we will count to a lot quicker than we ever believe is possible.

Hello and Welcome to the movie Giant

OK. Let's take a break from exhausting ourselves over tugging vs. treats. Goodness gracious does that get us riled up. Because last night, I finally watched Giant!


Giant was filmed in 1956 in Marfa, Texas. As part of our Marfa Film Festival, it is pivotal! Everyone should see it before Blood for Oil. There Will Be Milkshakes. You know what I mean. It is sort of like a Texan Gone With the Wind, and is about race, class, gender and oil and cattle! Who knew? I just thought it was all about the cowboys. It is 3 hours long, and never ONCE PUT ME TO SLEEP! I know you are all very busy people, so this will be quick. This is my new favorite movie ever!


This is the famous Reata Ranch of Marfa.

Besides having a social justice message and Marfa, it has:


square dancing


Texas parades


super fierce 50's evening wear


cowboys


cowboys driving across marfa in convertibles


scenic vistas with ranch gates and vintage typography

Join me for a Whirlwind tour of Giant!


Rock Hudson meets Liz Taylor when he goes to Maryland to buy her horse. They get married and move to Marfa! Where he is the king of all ranchers, with the biggest ranch which is a huge chunk of Texas. His name in the movie is Jordan Benedict and also Bick.


Liz's horse bucks off Rock's sister Luz, who ALWAYS speaks in ranch lady voice, and kills her. But that means James Dean gets some land for some oil wells! No one likes James Dean, whose movie name is Jet Rink.


James Dean strikes it rich. He was poor, but didn't hate Mexicans. Rock was rich, and did hate Mexicans. Liz was rich, but didn't hate Mexicans, but was a woman.


Rock and Liz have 3 kids. Dennis Hopper will play this kid soon. This one hates his new pony.


James Dean becomes rich with the oil will have a parade soon!


Liz and Rock sleep in seperate beds like Lucy and Ricky.


James Dean puts a lot of oil wells on Reata Ranch because none of Rock and Liz's kids want to grow up to become Ranch Kings and grow cows. They just want a pool and a plane.


Look, it's Dennis Hopper who marries a Mexican woman and becomes a doctor. His movie sister wants a small ranch and the wild sister almost has sex with James Dean then goes to Hollywood.


James Dean invites everyone to the city he buys for a party and has a total "I drink your milkshake" meltdown.


They all go home and on the way Rock gets his ass kicked in a diner over racism by Sarge and they all return to the ranch for a happy ending based on civil rights.


I am not even kidding, at over 3 hours long, it did not put me to sleep! There was only one dog in it, James Dean had a spotty dog when he was poor. There he is, under the oil well that started it all.


Many horses in this movie and one horse will die but you don't have to see it happen. Rock Hudson shoots it himself, that pesky Whirlwind the expensive stallion.

There you go. I think you will like this movie if you like Marfa, horses, 50's clothing, cowboy hats and dog agility. Whew. If you made it all the way through here, I commend you with a click and treat and you just keep scrolling down for more dog agility. You know me. Sometimes I just have to go to Marfa.

Oh and PS. I did put poles in a little sequence for Gustavo yesterday. With some wires on the entries and channels, but still. Guess whose puppy has weave poles now? Thanks chickens who died for his hot dogs!

There will be milkshakes.

Team Small Dog just had their first brush with the dreaded new Lighthouse Field Laws*.

We saw the Cop's, I mean Ranger's, truck. We saw dogs being leashed. My plan for the future that is now here was that we will always just run the opposite direction fast. Which is totally hosed because my dogs are well trained that white trucks in Lighthouse Field are friendly maintenance workers who have milk bones and want them to jump on the seat with them. Which is what is their plan, but which is not so much anymore.

When approached by the ranger and commanded to put my dogs on a leash, I had been counting to 10. Over and over. Trying to make sure to not go to the volatile place. And of course I kept my cool and nicely leashed up my dogs and engaged in a sophisticated, philosophical discussion with the ranger on the history of the new leash laws in Lighthouse Field and continued upon my pleasant walk on a sunny afternoon with dogs on leashes in the field.

Just kidding!

Remember how I could only end up as Lois no matter what I did in the What Wife Are You Big Love Quiz? Yeah. Before i could stop it the hair trigger bad temper that I have worked so hard to make go away with the yoga breathing and returning to being a kindly trainer of animals just came retching back up like evil winged monkeys and I unleashed bad, loud potty mouth words to the firearm carrying State Park Cop while leashing the dogs. No friendly campfire story telling smokey bear guy here. Him-tall, shaved head, big gun and mad. Me-medium height, pony tail, thank god no gun, and mad. Not a nice mix of friends here!

Have we all seen the smashing movie There Will Be Blood? Which we Loved! And we knew we would from the moment we saw the typeface used in the marketing, basic reversed out on plain black, old style goth, sligthly distressed. Full of wide open, desert landscape. And we've all seen that ending scene involving Daniel Day Lewis and a really long milkshake straw and old style bowling pins? That lots of people didn't like but actually I did! Yep that sort of level of freakout. But no bowling pins. And I wasn't drinking. Thanks Daniel Day Lewis! Thanks not-talking son from Little Miss Sunshine! A 3hr movie of moon faced boys, fathers, capitalism and church that never once made me want to take a nap.

So, but anyways, let's just say when the official ticketing period begins March 15, Team Small Dog may be at the top of the naughty list.

*Long story. Much referred to. 7 years spent fighting the total bonehead lawsuits and so forth to get dogs off the beautiful 33 acre field and beach right by my house where we have walked dogs forever and forever off their leashes. More info here.

Hello and welcome to the movie Juno.

All right. Here is a movie for you. It is called Juno and it was written by a dyed black hair ex stripper named Diablo Cody. Who had a blog.

I'm just saying. I was thinking, would it be a nice thing if I changed my name? I don't want Diablo Cody exactly. That's just not me. I think my official Porn Star name is Ruffles Smith. That's not so good. I did the Stripper Name Quiz and I got Sapphire Leather Thong. That doesn't exactly work either.

So anyways, Juno is a 16 year old goes preggers type movie, but not in a bad way. I won't say it's the best movie, but I did not fall asleep or ever want to walk out of it. Super opening titles! Very Web 2.0. Super actress playing the 16 year old, and not one but TWO Arrested Development characters, the dad and son, who do not play the dad and son in this movie and actually never even meet in the movie. Which left me wondering, did they get to hang out? How does that work in movie land if you don't have any scenes together, with production schedules and all and budgets? Not really my problem and also proved that my mind did wander in the film, which is very sweet and if you saw the previews, is a lot like them and you could pretty much skip the movie, not out of baddness, just out of you've seen a lot of it.

I don't like to give my movies away, in case you go to see them. I would say go see this if you would like to see a sweet and entertaining movie that you will not get bored in. And certainly in the 16 year old goes preggers genre, does a super job. You will see that Cut Chemist has a teensy, tiny part as the chemistry teacher. Also the step mom, who was on the West Wing, cuts out dog photos out of unfulfilled dog lust. And how much do we love the star, Michael Cera, who is known as Pauly Bleeker in this movie and plays the same dorky living in his brain young man in little yellow shorts and his ill fitting sweatband on his touseled non cool haircut. You will see Jennifer Garner and at first think you will hate her, but then you might not. So it gets points for that. The girl star, of the name Ellen Page, is like a super star of teenage type good acting in a very Freaks and Geeks way and is from Canada. Fine Job, Canadians! We hate the Arrested Development dad, living in the land of Nirvana and the Melvins.

Who did make me think, how out of touch and unevolved am I? Is he age appropriate or just living in a time warp and having a mid life crisis? Movie points to Juno for raising thought provoking, if not polar bear ice cap saving, questions. Dog points in the form of the Weimerarer puppies at the end and a barking fluffy dog named Banana. And for keeping me awake. I am having high hopes for a movie there were previews for called There Will Be Blood with oil driller miners and faith healers and that guy who played the silent Nietzs che teenager in Little Miss Sunshine and high hopes for a good movie.